Atton's Redemption
by Silvershadow667
Summary: KotOR 2. Atton starts feeling jealousy toward a crew member picked up on Dantooine. He realizes he needs to be honest with the Exile about his past if he hopes to have any kind of future with her. spoilers 05.04.28 FINAL CHAPTER ADDED
1. Jealousy

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the story... they are property of Obsidian Entertainement and LucasArts.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Atton was annoyed. There he was, trying to get things done around the ship, and that blonde, pompous, _useless_ Jedi wannabe was coming by to see him for the second time in less than an hour. The first conversation had not exactly ended on a high note, with Disciple virtually admitting that he had feelings for Jena. _Him_! Atton scoffed at the idea. Kid couldn't even pronounce her name right! Kept calling her "Jeena" when in fact it was closer to "Jeyna". _"I simply admire her,"_ he had told Atton. _"She has many qualities worthy of respect, and a strength that matches her beauty. Surely you've noticed."_

_Surely he'd noticed_… Well, of _course_ he had noticed. There wasn't a man alive who wouldn't have noticed. He had noticed it the very second she had walked into the room on Peragus, in her underwear no less, and had promptly ordered him to keep his eyes up and tell her who he was. How he could _not_ have fallen for her right then and there, he did not know. And until a few days ago, he had been _the_ man in her life. Well, unless you counted Bao-Dur… and really, you couldn't. The Zabrak always hid in the garage and didn't talk to anybody but machines, and hardly ever stepped off the ship with her. No real threat there. Atton had been the one who went everywhere with her and whom – he thought – she appeared to want to try and impress. Mind you, maybe it was just how she was… she did have a way with her that made everyone feel like they were special.

But now one stop on Dantooine, one run through the abandoned Jedi enclave, and this knight-in-shining-armor type starts tagging along. Even worse, she started training him to be a Jedi! Why she was doing that, Atton could not fathom. But much of her free time was now dedicated to this… this… Prince Charming wannabe, talking about the _Force_ and _lightsabers_ and _meditation_ and whatever else Jedi talked about… instead of being spent with him in the cockpit playing pazaak. She had no idea how many times he had purposely let her win. She had no idea about _anything_.

He had barely seen her in the past four days… In fact, he had seen her less in that time than he'd normally see her in a single day. He had been left behind on the ship while she went off to fight those mercenaries with Disciple – _Mical_ his real name apparently was – and Bao-Dur. Even Bao-Dur, machine-lover that he was, had got to see her more than _he_ had, as she had left him stranded on this ship with that stupid droid and that crazy witch who never lost an opportunity to say nasty things to or about him. There were only so many times a guy could play pazaak by himself without losing his mind.

And now this… _Mical_… was back, after having been rather rudely kicked out of the cockpit less than an hour ago. Atton reflected that the Jedi-in-the-making must be a glutton for punishment to return so quickly after their last argument. Atton felt he had definitely come out of _that_ one with the upper hand. He sighed loudly to indicate his displeasure, and commented every bit as loudly, "Oh great, what do you want now? To give me a hand? I told you, I don't need any help, _especially from you_." He had practically yelled out the last part.

"Atton, I…" Mical froze in his tracks. He had noticed the arrival of a short brunette with her hair tied back in a ponytail, with fury in her normally authoritative but kind brown eyes, and her nostrils flaring ever so slightly. "Jena. We… Atton and I…" stuttered Mical, but Jena Shel did not acknowledge him. Frowning, she grabbed Atton's right arm at the elbow and unceremoniously pulled him into the security room, closing the door behind them. Five minutes earlier, Atton's heart would have been beating savagely in his chest at the mere thought of this happening, but right at that moment, he was too stunned by what had just happened to feel anything but shock.

"Care to explain what that was about?" she demanded, her voice a lot louder than she would have liked it to be.

On the other side of the door, Mical briskly walking away from the scene ran into Bao-Dur who had come to investigate what the commotion was all about. He had heard Atton's comments and stepped into the area just in time to see Jena disappearing with Atton.

"Whew!" said Mical, rolling his eyes a little. "I'm glad I'm not in Atton's boots right now," he added sympathetically, yet smirking a little.

Bao-Dur shook his head, smiling indulgently. "You haven't been around women like the General much, have you Mical?"

"Well, no… not really…" replied Mical, his smirk fading slowly, wondering what he meant. Bao-Dur chuckled and walked into the garage, quickly followed by Mical, seeking an explanation.

* * *

"Would I care to explain what that was about…" repeated Atton, rolling his eyes. "Listen, sister, anybody but you who's spent more than two minutes talking to this guy would know what this is about. He's an irritating know-it-all, and he's driving us all crazy!" 

"That can't be the _only_ reason you've been fighting with him any chance you get." Atton opened his mouth and gestured in protest, but Jena cut him off before he could attempt to defend himself. "Oh, you think I didn't hear you earlier, in the cockpit, telling him he wasn't wanted," she continued. Atton's face fell and he looked a little worried, but she misinterpreted the look. "Oh, I'm sure you told him much worse things after that. I decided to walk away and let you talk things over and work things out like adults. Clearly I was wrong to do so, as here we are less than an hour later and you're at it _again_!" Atton felt an inward wave of relief, but was careful not to let it show. So she hadn't heard… she hadn't heard the very incriminating comments he had made after Mical had suggested that surely he had noticed her strength that matched her beauty… she hadn't heard him say, _"Yeah, and I noticed first. Get it? So cut it out."_ He would not have her know how he felt… not without learning his past first… and if she knew of his past, he would lose her forever, and _that_, he could not live with.

Something in Atton's eyes made Jena's features soften a little, and she lowered her voice back to its normal volume. There was even a slight note of concern and kindness in it when she asked, "Are you sure there's not more to it than what you said?"

"No, of course not!" quickly answered Atton, avoiding her gaze. "What else would it be?"

She hesitated. "I don't know… for a minute I thought…" her eyes also dropped for a second, only to come right back up with a vengeance. She spoke very deliberately. "Atton, this bickering between you and Mical has got to _stop_!"

"Well, he started it."

Jena scoffed. "Come on, I would hardly think so!"

"Right. I forgot how perfect he is."

"Just what in the hell is _that_ supposed to mean? Have you been chewing spice? I certainly don't think he's _perfect_!"

"Well, considering you're spending all your free time with him and I don't even see you anymore, one wouldn't think so." The words had come out before he could stop them.

Jena laughed. "Are you serious? _That_'s what this is about? Honestly Atton I would love to spend more time talking to you, but all you ever seem to want to do is play bloody pazaak!"

"Oh, there are other things I like to do, sister!"

"Oh yeah? Such as what?" she asked, smiling a little teasingly, taking a step forward.

Atton briefly closed his eyes. How easy it would have been to simply tell her, _"Well, maybe I'll just _show_ you!"_ and to walk over to her, press his lips against hers, get caught up in the moment and take advantage of the fact that the door was closed and that they were in the one room on the ship that was not currently monitored by a camera. The temptation certainly was there… and somehow he sensed that she wouldn't be completely opposed to it. But he couldn't… he couldn't do that to her. Not without being honest about his past with her first, and dealing with the consequences. For the hundredth time he told himself he _would_ not do that to her, and simply said, "Well, then why don't you come back and see me later… we'll talk about something that's not pazaak."

And with those words, he opened the door and walked out, leaving Jena with a confused look on her face.

* * *

It had been three hours and she hadn't come by to see him. Of _course_ she wouldn't come. She was probably off doing some meditation… thing… with Mical and forgot all about him. _Obviously_. Well, it was probably for the best, he told himself, because he didn't know if he'd be able to resist a temptation like that twice. Of course, if she _did_ end up coming, he'd have to think of something to talk about, fast! Maybe it was best if they didn't spend too much time alone together from now on… perhaps she would be better off with a guy like Mical. There was certainly no dark hidden secret in _him_, unless you counted spying on her for the Republic, and even that wasn't much of a secret. Everybody on board knew it. Of course, Mical swore up and down that he didn't feel for her in _that_ way, but Atton knew better. He couldn't explain how he knew it, but he knew. Maybe it was because whenever he saw him look at Jena, Mical would have the same look in his eyes as he, Atton, could feel in his own whenever he looked at her. 

Atton flipped a pazaak card he was holding and recalled the sly, expectant smile that Jena had given him when she asked him what else he liked to do… yes, it _had_ been expectant, now that he had the time to think about it. No… no! He had to stop thinking about it! The moment was past, he had walked away, and it was for the best. She deserved so much more than to throw herself away on a man like him. He had to forget about this whole thing… focus on something else… anything else… _total is ten… reverse the sign on the plus five, minus five card…total is—_

"Atton?"

Atton was startled into dropping his pazaak deck and stood up immediately to face Jena.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she meekly apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you. Were you sleeping?"

"No… no… just thinking…"

"About pazaak?" she suggested, smiling and pointing at the cards that lay scattered on the cockpit floor.

Atton sighed. "Yeah… yeah, something like that…"

Jena picked up a card that had slid halfway across the room and walked right up to him. She stood only about two feet from him and he felt as though his heart had stopped as she looked up and smiled sweetly at him. What was she saying?

"I'm not going to force you to come up with a different topic of conversation, since your brain is already in pazaak mode. I just wanted to talk to you – to thank you again for not bailing when I gave you the chance on Telos, and for sticking around. It means a lot to me."

Atton cleared his throat a bit lest his voice betray what he was thinking. "Hey, no problem…" he said, trying to sound casual. "It's not like I had anything better to do anyway."

"Well, I couldn't have made it this far without you." She paused, and quickly added, "_All_ of you, I mean." There was another pregnant pause. Atton started to wonder if she was ever going to say anything else. "…But _especially_ you," she almost whispered, smiling sweetly and almost sadly. Atton's hand reached out for her, but she had already turned and was walking toward the door. She stopped, glanced over her shoulder at Atton, who was frozen in his tracks, his hand still reaching out at nothing "What do you know… I guess I _do_ care," she said even more quietly, almost to herself, smiling still. She walked away, leaving Atton to wonder what had just happened. Had she said what he thought she said? _And_ _just walked away_?

And then he heard some muffled voice calling Jena from the other end of the ship. He didn't know if it was Bao-Dur, or Mical or even Kreia – and he didn't care. All he heard was Jena's cheery "I'll be right there!" and that was enough to snap him out of his daze. In one swift movement, he ran to the door, grabbed Jena by the hand, pulled her back into the cockpit and closed the door.

"If you think for one second that I'm going to let you get away like this twice, well, you're just _wrong_, sister," he said, pulling her closer to him. She dropped the pazaak card she had picked up and forgotten to give back to him and ran her hands up to the back of his neck. He bent his head down and their lips met. He could feel all the repressed passion he had for her come rushing out as he sank further and further into their embrace. This felt real… this was _right_. Oh, _so_ right!

But suddenly the door opened. Atton and Jena broke apart and quickly backed away from each other. A small droid rolled into the room. Jena, without as much as a look at Atton, darted out of the room. He didn't try to stop her. He could only scowl at T3-M4. "Now look what you've done, you walking tin can!"

"Dwoooooo…" replied T3, leaving the room again, fearing Atton's wrath.

Atton sighed, trying not to over-analyze what had just happened. He had always known what his feelings were for Jena, but he had never dreamed that she might feel something similar toward him. Well, maybe he had _dreamed_ about it, but he didn't think it would actually happen.

In a way, he was almost glad that things had played out the way they did, interruption and all. She deserved to know the truth before this went any further – the _whole_ truth.

Nar Shaddaa was their next stop. He would tell her the first chance he got.


	2. Dxun

Disclaimer: same as chapter 1

I'd like to thank everyone who wrote reviews for my first chapter. You were all so nice:) Anyway, I hope you like this part also (and yes, I will be adding more; I'm working on other stuff as we speak). Please let me know what you think!

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**Chapter 2 – Dxun**

Atton was annoyed. He had the vague impression that he had been feeling annoyed quite a bit recently. Especially since that Mical character had joined them. After days of unfounded suspicion, he had finally caught him transmitting messages to Telos, to the Republic. Of course _he_ claimed it was because he had to check in with his superiors every once in a while, lest they sent patrols after them to make sure they were all right, but Atton didn't buy it. Mical was spying on Jena; he just _knew_ it… He however admitted he had no idea _why_ the Republic would be spying on her.

But the source of this latest annoyance was, surprisingly _not_ Mical, but the fact that they had changed course on the way to Nar Shaddaa. He had rather been looking forward to hitting the Pazaak Lounge on Nar Shaddaa, and getting a few shots of juma juice while his fearless leader and her loyal peons would try to find that Jedi whose name he could never remember. Something with a "Z"… and a hyphen. However, the Mandalorians has contacted them, saying something about a message from Master Kavar, and the queen of Iziz being in danger. The details he had were sketchy at best, especially considering he wasn't even fully aware of what had come about the first time they were on Onderon. He had been busy fixing the ship most of the time, and frankly, he wasn't along for the storyline. He only concerned himself with doing what Jena asked him to, playing pazaak and sitting in the cockpit while envisioning lewd images; that was enough for him. Let the others worry about what was going on.

But most of all, he was annoyed at himself. He had been staying away from Jena ever since what he referred to as "that little trash compacter on wheels"had interrupted their moment in the cockpit. He found he simply didn't know how to act around her anymore. He felt she needed to know about his past, but every time he had wanted to bring it up, something would make him change his mind – sheer panic, for the most part. He was convinced that if he told her, she would likely send him packing, or worse, keep him around but never want to have anything to do with him again. He felt that the latter was the worse one of the two options, as if she just dropped him off on a planet somewhere and left without him, he would at least not get a daily reminder of what he had lost. And besides, with the sudden change in destination, Jena was busy planning things out with Mandalore and Kreia anyway, so he couldn't talk to her even if he wanted to.

Upon landing on Dxun, the entire crew immediately headed to the Mandalorian camp to find out what was happening. The dampness of the jungle made Atton's clothes stick to his skin. He had fondly hoped that the last time he was on Dxun would in fact be the last time. Not that he had left the ship much during that visit, with Kreia's veiled threats keeping him on board. He had gotten out just long enough to know that he hated it there. In a way, he was almost glad he had been forced to stay on the ship that time. Chasing those cannoks around in the jungle and gutting them to find spare phase-pulse converter parts to help out some Mandalorian was _not_ his idea of fun. At least this time around no gutting of any kind of beast was involved; but the dampness certainly was there with a vengeance.

"I can't believe we're going to Onderon _again_," he muttered sullenly, as he flicked a rather large, winged insect off his sleeve. "Well, this time, I'd better not be staying on the ship. Dantooine was bad enough."

After a long trek in the jungle, they eventually arrived at the Mandalorian camp, much to Atton's relief. At least it was somewhat _less_ damp there… although the attitude of some of the Mandalorians rather made him long to be in the jungle rummaging through cannok guts.

There was a quick debriefing at the camp, and it was determined that two parties would be acting simultaneously… one on Dxun, and one on Onderon – because Kreia said so, or so it seemed to Atton. Apparently the enemy was doing something on Dxun that had to be stopped, something involving energy. She didn't really explain what, but then again Kreia was always very cryptic.

"Very well," said Jena. "I'll lead the group on Onderon. Atton, you can stay—" He jumped up when he heard her say his name, blushing slightly. It was the first time she said his name since he kissed her. He then furrowed his brow. _Wait a minute… I can see where this is going._

"Oh no, you don't… I am _not_ staying on the ship this time. No way." He spoke vehemently. "No. Way."

Jena smiled. "That's fine Atton. We can use your help."

Atton looked smug. _Ha! Atton Rand gets results. He gets what he wants!_

"As I was saying, Atton, you can lead the party on Dxun." _Back in the jungle… that's not exactly what I had in mind…_ Jena continued, "Mandalore and Mical will go with you."

Mical. Really. Was she _trying_ to punish him? It was payback for avoiding her, wasn't it? A biting retort came to mind, but he decided it might be wiser to keep it to himself.

"I will go with Kreia and Bao-Dur," she continued. _Oh sure… their party gets three people with lightsabers. I get the Mandalorian with no sense of humor and the kid in a dress with a glow stick. I just hope we don't run into any real trouble._ "You guys might want to get going. We'll see you when you get back. Good luck!" Atton looked up at her hesitatingly, vaguely hoping she would have something else to tell him, but as his party was starting to move out, he ran out after them.

As Atton walked out, Jena threw a sidelong glance in his direction and repressed a sigh. She suddenly became very aware of Kreia closely watching her. Jena haughtily met her stare and without a word, turned and headed toward the hangar where their transportation to Onderon awaited them.

During that time, Atton, Mical and Mandalore were headed back into the jungle, behind a Mandalorian guide. After a few encounters with cannoks, which Atton was very thankful they did not have to ransack because their aroma was decidedly anything but pleasant, they eventually found their way to a cave. They quickly noticed a number of mines toward the end of the cave, which Atton deftly disabled. What he did _not_ manage to disable, however, was the sensor at the end of the cave, which gave their presence away immediately.

"Oops," he casually commented as a siren blared off. Mandalore rolled his eyes from beneath his helmet. They headed outside the cave and quickly spotted a small Sith camp. Atton attempted to sneak into the camp to try and use their computer. It turned out to be rather useless, and as an added bonus, they managed to spot Atton leaving the camp. He started firing back at them as bolts flew around him everywhere, but there were too many of them.

"Guys? GUYS?" he called out desperately as he retreated. While Atton was struggling trying to get healing packs out, Mical ran past him and single-handedly managed to take out three of the Sith that were in the camp. When the fight was over, and they were surrounded by Sith corpses, Atton whistled admiringly. "All right, Mical! Who would've guessed you could actually fight?"

Mical looked mildly embarrassed, but pleased.

They rested for a bit, trying to patch themselves up as best they could. Mical's medical expertise made that chore much easier. Somehow, their presence had still not been fully alerted, so they took advantage of the cover they were given to rest properly for a few more minutes.

"So, Mical," began Atton lightly. "I'll bet you get all kinds of girls now with that Jedi get-up. I hear chicks really dig guys in robes."

Mical's face turned a deep crimson.

"Atton, the path of a Jedi—"

"Right… I forgot… you don't go for that whole carnal love thing… right…" dismissed Atton, unconvinced. "Yeah… you wouldn't really think so to look at you… Right, well, I'm ready to go if you guys are," he added, in an effort to blatantly drop the subject.

Mical looked uncomfortable. Mandalore looked at one, then at the other, sighed, rolled his eyes and reflected that it didn't take a Force sensitive to know what would be happening next. Getting up, he mumbled something about scouting out the entrance to the temple to see what they were up against. As soon as he left, Mical turned to Atton. "Atton, the feelings between the Exile and I…"

"Will you people stop _calling_ her that?" he said with a sudden burst of violence. "She has a name, you know. It's Jena. Jey-nah. Maybe if you actually used her name once in a while, you'd learn how to pronounce it properly."

"Very well… the feelings between _Jey-nah_ and I..." He spoke very deliberately, over-enunciating the name in an effort to appease Atton.

"And what feelings would that be?" jealously interrupted Atton.

"That's the _point_, Atton. There _are_ none. At least none other than that of master and student."

"I don't buy it. You're saying you spend all this time with her… talking to her… _looking_ at her… meditating with her… and you feel… nothing?"

Mical looked slightly flustered. He deeply blushed again. "Well, maybe not _nothing_…" he admitted, looking greatly embarrassed. "I _am_ still human after all… but what I feel for her is irrelevant."

"Oh yeah? And why is that?" demanded Atton, his temper rising again.

"Because," patiently explained Mical, "I only want to help her. That's the only reason I'm here… At some point, she will need my help… and _your_ help… and we both will be there for her. All I ask of her is that she let me help her when she needs it most."

"Oh." _Okay, so he's got a bit of a crush on her, but he's not expecting anything to come of it. That's… good, I guess…I think…_

"Besides," Mical added as an afterthought, "she feels nothing for me."

Atton frowned. "How do you kn—"

"I just _do_, Atton."

"Yeah, but how do you—"

"Oh, come on! Do you really need me to say it? Isn't it _obvious_?" exclaimed Mical with sudden unusual violence. He immediately recomposed himself and Atton could hear him mutter part of the Jedi Code – "_There is no passion… there is only serenity_." He opened his eyes, took a deep breath and looked at Atton. "How can you not know?" he asked calmly, but with a slightly pained intonation.

Atton was becoming uncomfortable. There was no way to have a real conversation with all those damned manic-depressive Jedi. One second they were cryptic; the next they were yelling at you for not being able to read minds, then they were calm… "Um… look… I'm not really following you, but clearly this is upsetting you, so maybe we should just… stop talking."

"It's you, you idiot," mumbled Mical, ignoring him.

"Me? What about me?" asked Atton, perplexed.

"How is it that you could possibly be that clueless?" Mical asked in disbelief, his anger returning. "And worse, how could she possibly…" He stopped. "_There is no emotion, there is only peace_," he muttered to himself.

Atton opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Mandalore, clearly thinking they had had enough time to work out their differences, returned. "There are quite a few Sith guarding the door, but I think we have a chance to make it through. I suggest we get a move on."

Accordingly, they continued on, Atton glancing perplexedly at Mical, who shot him a black look and coldly ignored him. They arrived to the temple door at the end of the clearing, but they had quite a fight on their hands, as it was heavily guarded. Mandalore glared at Atton from beneath his mask, as guards and dark Jedi apprentices kept coming out. If that sad excuse for a pilot had managed to disable that sensor properly, they wouldn't be in this mess…

They eventually made their way inside. They started walking around the temple trying to find… What _were_ they looking for, anyway? _All I know is there's some kind of energy emanating from this temple. That much I can feel. You'd think that being the one responsible for this operation, I'd have a better idea of what exactly we're dealing with…_After watching Mical in action, Atton was starting to vaguely wonder why Jena had gotten _him_ to lead the mission, instead of Mical. He admitted he felt the latter certainly was the more capable one of the two. _I'd like to be able to say it's because I'm sleeping with the boss that she put me in charge, but that's not quite accurate, now is it?_ He smiled faintly and shrugged. She must've had her reasons. She wouldn't have asked him to do this if she didn't think he was up to it. She's not stupid.

But what had Mical meant? _"How could she possibly…" How could she possibly what? How could she possibly put me in charge? How could she possibly—?_ Atton's eyes suddenly opened wide. _He couldn't have meant that she…that she… but she's been avoiding me…_ Atton stopped. No, she hadn't been avoiding him; he was the one who had been avoiding her. _But even so, she hasn't exactly sought me out either… and she's the one who ran out on me without even looking at me! And she never even came back to…to… No… NO! He's wrong… kid's wrong…there's no way…there's no way she…cares…_ Despite the fact that he felt convinced Mical was wrong, Atton suddenly had a good feeling about everything: about Jena, about telling her of his past, about this mission…

_Whoa. What on Telos is that?_ They had been walking rather aimlessly through the temple for some time, and other than the occasional battle, Atton hadn't really paid close attention to what was going on, until now. They had stepped into a large room – the crypt, assumedly – where a number of Sith were doing some sort of ritual. _Well, I think we may have found what we were looking for…_ The energy that emanated from the room was almost unbearable. And it was dark energy. Atton could almost feel it overpowering him.

"Break the ritual," bellowed a Dark Jedi in front of Atton. The Jedi turned around. He was probably smiling, but Atton couldn't really tell because of the mask that covered the Jedi's face completely. "You're too late," he arrogantly told Atton. "Now Onderon will fall and with it, the Rep—but what's this?" He looked curiously at Atton. "Interesting… _very_ interesting that a mere Force adept managed to make his way here. You have within you the potential to wield the Force. It is good that you sought us out. This tomb is strong with the Dark Side. Here is where you will take the first steps toward your destiny."

Surprised, Mandalore and Mical turned to look at Atton, slightly lowering their weapons. Mical was especially dumbfounded. The Force? _Him_? Surely the Sith was kidding! This was a joke, right? Mical slowly looked behind them to see if there was somebody else to whom the Dark Jedi could possibly have been talking. Not seeing anyone else, he then turned his attention back to Atton. And it suddenly dawned on him – Atton hadn't looked in the least bit surprised when the Jedi had told him he was a Force adept. His face grew dark and he immediately grew concerned. What if Atton were to…?

"Surely you can feel the power of this place, echoing through you... Accept it… embrace it. Do not limit your potential by merely becoming a puppet of the Jedi Order. I feel much anger within you. Much passion. Embrace these feelings the Order would have you deny. Do not limit your potential."

Atton could feel his will wavering. After all, it would be so easy, so simple to just give in… he would no longer have to fight; he would no longer have to run away from his past. He would even be respected for what he had done. Respected and feared! He, who never was either of those things... He could feel the anger growing in his heart. He could be so much more... The power in the room was starting to take over his thoughts, and he was on the brink of giving in and falling when—

_Atton… please…_

Jena's voice crawled through his head like a whisper… but it was a whisper that blocked out all other thoughts and slowly became louder and louder. He had no idea where this voice came from, nor did he try to figure it out. All he knew was that it had chased away all his dark thoughts, his anger, his lust for power, and he suddenly felt strangely at peace with himself, more than he had ever been. He opened his eyes and calmly looked up at the Dark Jedi.

"No, I will not give in," a voice spoke through him. "That path leads to the Dark Side. I will not be tempted."


	3. Discovery

05/12/04 - small continuity edit

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**Chapter 3 – Discovery**

"Nah, you guys go on ahead without me… I wouldn't want to deprive one of you from the thrill that is Nar Shaddaa. I'll just stay back here and guard the ship, and um – make sure it's still here when you come back."

Jena raised a suspicious eyebrow at Atton. It certainly was the first time he had declined to go with her. In fact, he would typically throw what could only be described as a temper tantrum when asked to stay behind, as he had in Dxun. He'd sometimes say something about wanting to be there to protect her, which was ludicrous, because she herself could take him on any day – and win! And he knew it too… She smiled mischievously as she recalled the day, on the way to Korriban, when she got bored and challenged Atton to a sparring match to pass the time… as well as in an effort to evaluate the extent of his Echani training. While she admitted he had given her quite a run for her credits, she still eventually had him pinned to the floor. Mind you… he hadn't really resisted too much…

If nothing else, she was particularly surprised at his offer to stay on board, because he had been talking about nothing other than going to Nar Shaddaa ever since he joined up with her. She recalled how he had complained rather loudly when the course to Nar Shaddaa had been changed to Dxun after they left Dantooine. There had to be a reason for his sudden change of heart. Granted, he _had_ been avoiding her of late, ever since that day she had dropped her guards and let some of her feelings for him show, and had kissed him. Or was he the one who had kissed her first? That sounded more like it. She shrugged and sighed resolutely. Perhaps she had been wrong about him… likely he had just kissed her because she had practically thrown herself at him. This _was_ Atton, after all… who really knew how his brain worked? She certainly didn't. She scoffed. Some Jedi she was turning out to be! If only her Masters could see her now… but then, they weren't really her Masters anymore, were they? And she wasn't really a Jedi anymore either. She was starting vaguely understand why that may have become the case. A real Jedi wouldn't experience such strong emotions as the ones she had, not without being able to repress them; and she was finding it more and more difficult to repress her feelings where Atton was concerned… and a real Jedi _certainly_ would not have been caught by her droid, passionately kissing her pilot in the cockpit. She shuddered. It did sound a bit bad when worded that way. She took a deep breath, set her teeth, and replied in a manner she hoped sounded nonchalant.

"Very well, Atton. In that case, Mical, Bao-Dur, would you like to accompany me?"

"Certainly, General!" said one.

"Absolutely," said the other.

Atton's eyes narrowed a little as he peered suspiciously at the young man in Jedi robes. Always so willing to comply… that kid was starting to make him look bad. And she had been so quick to replace him with that runt. _That runt who can fight and protect her better than you ever will. _He sighed. Mical, however, wasn't Atton's biggest concern at the moment; he merely hoped Jena hadn't noticed that he had been purposely avoiding her… because if she confronted him and demanded a reason why, he wouldn't know what to tell her. He didn't expect to be able to tell her the _truth_. And it was difficult to fool Jedi, especially this one. Even for him. She had a way of always getting him to do what she wanted, whether he actually wanted to or not. _Damn Jedi…Mind you, I don't know if it's because she's a Jedi, or just because she's so hot. _Exactly twenty-three times he had made up his mind to go see her and to confess his past to her… and exactly twenty-three times he had backed out at the last second. _How do you tell the woman you love, a Jedi_ _no less, that you used to make a living out of killing Jedi? And liked it? …Wait, did I just say love? That can't be right. Surely I don't lov—You know what, I can worry about that later. I've got enough problems._

He contented himself with giving Mical a black look as he stepped off the ship. No matter how much the young Jedi had proved himself in combat on Dxun, he still looked… weird in Jedi robes. Not like Jena. She looked like she had been born to wear them. In fact, in a way, she was more attractive in them than when she was sporting nothing but her underwear on Peragus. Atton smiled inwardly at the vision he suddenly had. Well, okay, maybe not more attractive in _all _ways… He was pulled out of his daydream when Jena swept past him without a word. She was down right cute when she was irritated… but why was she irritated? He thought she'd have been thrilled to have him out of her hair and be free from his never ending flow of sarcastic comments and his constant leering… she always did call him on the leering too, and ragged on him about it. He secretly loved it when she did that, and tried to get caught more often. _It can't be that she actually hoped I'd come with her! I've barely talked to her since I…since we… _Atton felt a little warm. _Well, since then. She probably doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore… she must despise me now._ _And if not, well she should._ _I've been nothing but an ass to her._ Atton knew he would have loved to step off the ship and visit the place he called home for a short while… with her… but the truth was, he was terrified – terrified of being recognized by someone who might say something about him to Jena. _And if she found out…_ Atton closed his eyes, feeling a little ill over the possible consequences of Jena finding out about his past. He laughed bitterly. _Well, she'd definitely despise you then, wouldn't she?_ It was already bad enough that Kreia knew… though he wasn't afraid of her telling Jena anything. She enjoyed blackmailing him way too much.

"All right, see you kids after school! Make sure you're all wearing clean underwear! You never know when you're going to get hit by a speeder!" he bellowed out from the loading ramp, waving at the party as they walked away from the _Ebon Hawk_ and into the Refugee Sector. They ignored him, though the corners of Jena's mouth did curve into a smile she tried to conceal. He missed it. Atton's face sobered as the group disappeared around the corner. _Great_. _Now we wait_. He turned to walk back up the loading ramp, and for a moment thought he saw movement from the corner of his eye, down toward the other end of the platform. He quickly turned back, but there was nothing. "I must be needing sleep more than I thought," he muttered to himself. "I'm starting to imagine things. Maybe I should just take a nap." He shook his head and walked back onto the _Ebon Hawk_.

He headed straight back into the cockpit. He probably could have used either one of the _Hawk_'s crew quarters to rest in, but that would have meant crossing paths with either Kreia or Visas, who never seemed to leave those rooms while on board… and he didn't really trust either of them. Quite frankly, anybody who was blind but who could still somehow see was just plain weird in his books. And they were _both_ like that. He didn't know which one made him more uncomfortable… Kreia with her cryptic messages and veiled threats and obvious manipulation of an unsuspecting Jena, or Visas with her bizarre obsessive devotion to Jena, despite the fact she was a Sith. _Mind you…I should be one to talk…_ Sighing, he sat down into the pilot seat, then put his feet up, and promptly dozed off.

Some time later, he woke up with a start. He sensed a strong presence behind him. He instinctively shielded his thoughts, lowered his feet, and turned around.

"Oh. It's _you_." He rolled his eyes. "What do _you_ want?"

The old woman with the blinded white eyes merely stood there, "looking" at him. She did not say a word. _Can she even see me?_

"Look, are you trying to read my thoughts again? Because it's not going to work this time; this time, I'm ready," he said casually, resuming his former position with his back to her and twirling a pazaak card he appeared to have pulled out of nowhere between his fingers. "Next time you might want to try not announcing yourself first."

She finally spoke in that quiet, eerie tone of hers. "You will stay away from her from now on, _murderer_. You were told to help her, not to add to her troubles."

Atton frowned, his pazaak card becoming still. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Silence. Do not try to deny what I already know. I do not need to read your mind or even hers to know what has been going on between the two of you. And you will put an end to it right now. Or _else_…"

"Or else what? Or else you're going to tell her about my past? You're going to tell her that I used to work for the Sith, that I used to be on the Jedi assassin squad? Well, guess what: I was already going to tell her. So you can get off my back and take your blackmail and stuff it. Because soon, it's not going to matter anyway."

"If that is what you think, you are an even bigger fool than I thought."

"…And you're probably an even bigger schutta than I think, but you don't hear _me_ saying it, because _I'm_ polite."

Kreia laughed. Despite his bravado, Atton grew a little concerned. It was never a good sign when Kreia laughed.

"You little seem to realize what you brought about by not stepping out with her today. As we speak, she is conversing with a Twi'lek who is a better judge of character than she is… one who knows what you truly are, 'Atton'… one who will turn her against you by informing her of what _you_ could easily have told her. A wrong is much easier to forgive when it is told by the culprit than if it is learned through someone else. Especially for she, who values trust in her companions above all else."

Fear entered Atton's heart. How could he have let this happen? He shielded his eyes with his hand. He could have easily told her so many times on the trip from Dantooine, but he had been too much of a coward. _I could have taken the time to explain my side of the story and make her understand…now, this Twi'lek schutta will probably make me sound even worse than I am. _He laughed bitterly as he realized that he had stayed on the ship to prevent her from learning anything, but in reality she only found out anything because he had stayed on the ship. _A little ironic, really…_ _I mean, if that Twi'lek really does know who I am, there's no way he would have wanted to even be in the same room as me. _He felt sick. If he had to lose her because of his past, he at least would have liked to be the one to tell her of it. There was no way she'd forgive him now. Kreia might convince her to keep him on board because she seemed to think he'd come in useful at some point, but that would be it for him. Jena would never forgive him. His hand dropped slowly from his face and he looked up. Kreia was gone.

* * *

"I'm not sure what you mean," frowned Jena. The unknown Twi'lek had approached her and asked her some cryptic question about "the people she traveled with". A wave of impatience swept over her. They didn't have time for this… they needed to find Master Zez-Kai Ell fast, so she could return to Dantooine and meet with the reunited Jedi. 

"Your human companion… the male one."

Jena glanced quizzically over her shoulder at Mical, who shrugged. "Don't look at _me_," his demeanor told her. She turned back toward the Twi'lek.

"Male… you mean… _Atton_?" she enquired. She could feel her cheeks flush a deep crimson as she uttered his name, and she hated herself for it. What if the others noticed? Thankfully, she stood with her back to them at the moment.

"I believe that is the name he went by, yes."

"Well, what about him? …And how did you even know he was with me?"

"I saw him enter your ship, right after watching you walk away from it. He has been here before."

Jena smiled. "Oh. Well, I know _that_. He hasn't exactly made it a big secret."

"He arrived years into the Jedi Civil War, claiming to be a displaced war veteran. Do not trust him. He is no soldier. He is a killer."

Jena's smile faded. "A killer… what do you m—"

"Heed my warning, sentient," said the Twi'lek, walking away and disappearing into the crowd.

A killer! What could the Twi'lek have possibly meant? Of course he had killed if he was a veteran! …But then, the Twi'lek said he had _not_ been a soldier. Jena wracked her brain trying to recall the explanation Atton had given her for being on Nar Shaddaa in the first place. Something about everybody needing to get lost at some point or other. Come to think of it, he never really had told her why he was there in the first place. She hadn't thought it very relevant at the time, but this conversation had made it _quite_ relevant. She suddenly realized that she didn't really know who Atton was. She had always taken him for what he was… or appeared to be… and never bothered to question him about his past… and sure, she had… feelings… for him, but what did she _really_ know about him?

"General, if I may…"

Bao-Dur's voice jarred her back to the present. She realized she had been just standing there silently for a few minutes.

"My apologies, General… I did not mean to startle you."

"It's all right, Bao-Dur… you had something to say?"

"Yes… I can see you are deep in thought over what the Twi'lek has told you… and if I may, I was going to suggest that before you jump to any conclusions or take the word of a complete stranger, you might want to talk to the person directly involved… to see what he has to say for himself…"

Jena smiled a little. The Zabrak's soothing tones managed to ground her again. Bao-Dur always had been the voice of reason. "You're absolutely right. I'm putting too much weight in what this stranger told me. I'm sure that somewhere out there, others are giving people similar advice about _me._ I will speak to Atton when we get back to the ship… but for now, we have to concentrate on this mission."

Mical glanced at her quizzically. This news about Atton seemed to have rattled her a little too much, she who never seemed bothered by anything. She was hiding something, and not very well… but try as he may, he could not figure out exactly what. And before he could make any further attempts to figure out what she was thinking, she suddenly composed herself and said, "Let's go. We have to find that Jedi. And I'd also like to know why all those flaming bounty hunters are after me." As she walked away, she felt Mical's eyes stare at her intently... a little too intently for her taste. He was trying to read her mind. She turned and stared at him coldly. His eyes dropped guiltily and he made no further attempts to figure out what was going on in her head.

* * *

Four hours. It had been _four hours_ since Kreia had told him that Jena had found out about his murderous past. He had long given up playing pazaak by himself and resorted to the much more constructive pastime of staring at the wall and worrying himself into near paranoia. _How long could it possibly take to track down a damn Jedi? It's not like they don't stand out in a crowd! _He tried to smile, but it almost looked like a grimace. _Knowing her, she probably stopped and helped every poor sucker she could find along the way…if that's the case and the Refugee Sector is anything like it used to be, she could be gone for another twelve hours. _He smiled as he recalled the only time he had been allowed off the ship on Dantooine and just like that, she had given 500 credits to some random Sullustan so he could help out his pregnant sister-in-law, or whatever his sob story had been… Atton hadn't really been listening. He had however given her a hard time for drawing attention… and she had actually _apologized_ and told him he was right. He chuckled over the recollection, but then his mind wandered back to the present, and his smile faded. _Maybe she just doesn't want to come back… doesn't want to face you. Hell, she's probably remembering all those times you gave her a hard time for helping people, and she's thinking that it was because of how evil you were…because you're a murderer…But it wasn't, it really wasn't… I was just trying to give her a hard time because I liked her. I thought she was admirable… I thought she was adorable…_

He ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. "I can't _take_ this anymore!" he exclaimed loudly, frustrated. He threw the rest of his pazaak cards down and got up from his seat. He walked out of the room and made his way to the loading ramp. He wasn't yet sure where he was going or what he was doing, but he could no longer sit and wait. His feet had barely touched the platform when he saw Jena, flanked by Bao-Dur and Mical, turn around the corner. Atton's heart beat a little faster when he saw her familiar silhouette hurrying down the platform toward him. He was almost relieved to see her. At least the mental anguish he had been undergoing for the past four hours would soon be over. She would tell him she no longer wanted him around and would ask him to leave the _Ebon Hawk_. He would then grab his pazaak deck, as it was still the only thing he really owned, and go drown his sorrows in some juma juice at the pazaak lounge, and then get lost in the crowds of Nar Shaddaa, where he belonged, and do his best to forget her. At least the suspense would be over. _I mean, sure, I don't want to leave the Ebon Hawk…_ And suddenly, he stopped. He realized that he truly did not want to go… he wished to stay… It was more than a simple matter of wanting to be with her, too; he wanted to stay and _help_ her, whether she wanted him to or not… to help her achieve whatever it was she was meant to achieve… to do anything in his power to help her. _That_ was why he had been saved. That was why their paths had crossed in the first place.

He pursed his lips. He wasn't going to just let himself get dumped like that. He wouldn't let her. He didn't care if she refused to talk to him again. Whether she realized it or not, there would come a time when she would need him, and he would be there for her. She wasn't going to get rid of him that easy. Atton Rand didn't just get left behind.


	4. Mira

(04/04/05 - Small edit toward the end of the chapter, as was suggested to me. And you're right, it does sound better this way. :) )

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Mira**

"Well, good thing _that's_ not a trap!" quipped Atton.

"No, Atton, I think it _is_ a trap!"

Atton closed his eyes and took a deep breath. There was nothing that would ever help this kid. _Nothing_. Wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit him in the ass. Maybe he _would_ make a good Jedi after all. None of them had any sense of humor either.

Atton, Mical, Bao-Dur, Mandalore, Kreia, Visas, and T3 were all gathered around the Exile. T3 had received a message from an Exchange representative, a Quarren named Visquis, and he had immediately contacted Jena on the comlink. Visquis wanted to meet with her, _alone_, at the Jekk'Jekk Tarr – the Jekk'Jekk Tarr being a bar filled with cyanogen gas, which, while harmless and even pleasant to aliens, had the unfortunate side effect of causing death in humans. Visquis had been a little vague about his reason to meet with Jena (_Everywhere I go, I'm surrounded by cryptic people,_ had thought Atton), but he had said enough to get her attention. The Exchange was also known for having put the bounty on her head, so she wasn't about to miss this opportunity to find out why.Unfortunately, in addition to being filled with toxic gas, the bar was also frequented by aliens who typically didn't like humans, thus making the situation even more difficult. Jena decided to wear the space suit she had picked up on Peragus, thus preventing her from being exposed to the noxious gas, as well as from being attacked by the aliens, since her identity would be concealed.

"Well, trap or not, this is the only way I'm going to find out why all those damn bounty hunters are after me," stated Jena, sounding slightly irritated. She had that determined look in her eyes, the same one Atton had first seen on Peragus when she told him she was going to go through the mining tunnels in her underwear, armed with nothing but a vibroblade. Atton shook his head violently to get the image out of his mind. He _had_ to stop picturing her in her underwear so much.

"Yeah, but… why do you need to know that?" he asked, in an effort to focus on anything but her underwear. Kreia was glaring at him… as much as a blind woman could glare. Was she trying to read his mind again? _You've seen everything there is to see!_

Jena glanced coldly at him. "If somebody had hired all the bounty hunters in the galaxy to look for you, wouldn't _you_ want to know why and find out who put the price on your head?"

"Good point. But I still don't get why you have to go alone."

"Other than the fact that that's what I was instructed to do? Well, you're probably right about the fact that it likely _is_ a trap; but I don't have many options… besides, someone who puts a bounty out on Jedi might also have an idea as to where Master Zez-Kai Ell could be hiding. I might be able to get the information from this Quarren."

"I doubt he'd want to tell you."

"He wouldn't necessarily have to _tell_ me, Atton," patiently explained Jena.

_Oh. Right. The Jedi thing._ He was really on a roll today. First, he's a murderer; now, he's a _stupid_ murderer.

Jena turned toward the rest. "All right, well, there's nothing much else you guys can do but wait here for me to come back… hopefully this won't be a long meeting. If I'm not back tomorrow…" She paused and frowned. "Well, never mind that. I expect I'll be back within a couple hours. I shouldn't run into too much trouble with this space suit on. Nobody will be able to tell that I'm human under there, and the gas in the bar won't reach me."

And without any hesitation or even a glance back, she was off. The others slowly started making their way to the _Ebon Hawk_, and soon Atton, deep in thought, was left alone on the platform. Strange… she didn't seem to behave any differently toward him… well, maybe she was a bit more focused and joked less than usual, but other than that, she seemed just the same. He felt he ought to be glad, but he wasn't sure if he was. _It's like she doesn't care that I used to kill her kind on a whim…and she doesn't want any explanation either. Why?_ He absent-mindedly kicked a pebble off the platform and watched it drop until it fell out of sight. He vaguely hoped it wouldn't fall on somebody's head miles below. _Mind you, she's got other stuff to do…if I had this many bounty hunters on my back, I probably wouldn't care much about interrogating me either._

As that last thought crossed his mind, his protective instincts suddenly kicked in. He ran out after her. She was already out of sight. Damn, she was fast. He doubled his speed and caught her just as she was about to disappear into the Nar Shaddaa docks area.

"Jena, hold on!" he yelled after her. She turned around and looked at him curiously. "Here," he said, thrusting a few antidote packs and medpacks into her hand, while trying to catch his breath. "You'll need those if that space suit gets breached or something. If that happens, I want you to get the hell out of there. Forget the bounty hunters, forget the Jedi; I just want _you_ safe."

She looked at him even more intently, like she was analyzing him. Atton started to feel a little uncomfortable. What was she expecting to see?

"Thanks, Atton," she suddenly said, her gaze dropping.

"Hey, no problem… Look…" He paused, and hesitated. She looked up at him expectantly. His heart started pounding in his chest. _Now is not the time. Save it for later._ "Please be careful," he finally said simply but earnestly.

"I will," she replied soberly.

* * *

Atton was standing at the bar in the pazaak lounge; his wish had finally come true. He figured this was as good a place as any to wait for Jena to come out of her "meeting"; and he might even earn a few credits in the meanwhile.

"Give me a shot of juma. In fact, make that two."

He drummed his fingers impatiently on the counter while he waited for his order to arrive. He looked around and saw two female Twi'leks heading straight for him. He raised an eyebrow. They were barely dressed enough for decency. _Either these two are inter-galactic hookers, or I've gotten really attractive overnight. This seems a little too convenient._

"So… um… come here a lot?" he said pleasantly to them as they walked up to him. "You two dancers or something?" He added, pointing at their outfits.

"Dancers. Yes… yes, we are," answered one of them smoothly.

_Sure you are._

"We noticed you from across the room… wondering why a man like you would come to the smuggler's moon," enquired the other.

_A man like me…? Come on! Why would a man like me be anywhere _but_ the smuggler's moon?_

"I'm here protecting someone," he replied frankly. "You know… Me and my big bulging muscles," he added sarcastically. "My purpose is to detract the attention away from her, so assassins like yourselves don't harm her."

"Assassins? You think we are assassins?" the first one asked sweetly.

"We are not assassins; assassins kill for money," added the other, just as sweetly. "We merely kill for pleasure."

Atton shrugged. "Well, either way, you're going to have to get past me to get to her… and I'm not about to let that happen."

"That is unfortunate," said the first one sadly, brandishing her double vibrosword.

"I suppose it is," quipped Atton, pulling his blasters out of their holsters.

* * *

Atton ran back to the ship. He had to warn the others. The bounty hunters may have had a truce going on, but now that he had killed two of them, there was no way the truce would continue. They were sure to attack – and they were sure to start with _them_, not with Jena… perhaps hoping to use them to get to her, as the two Twi'lek assassins had. They were all waiting on the platform when he arrived.

"Um… yeah… we have got to go. Now. The bounty hunter truce is off. We can expect company any minute now."

Mical piped in. "But Jena… we can't leave Jena behind. We must go rescue her!"

"She was told to go alone," stated Kreia. _Just in case we somehow forgot that part._ "We cannot go for her until she has discovered what she needs to know."

"Yes, but…" began Mical.

"Look," interrupted Atton. "I care about Jena just as much as you do, but right now, she's not the one in trouble. We are."

Right on cue, a group of bounty hunters appeared at the other end of the platform. Atton pulled out his blasters again for the second time in less than ten minutes. The apparent leader of the bounty hunters stepped forward and addressed them in a language Atton could barely make out. The only word he could be absolutely certain he understood was "very", which the alien used profusely. He did however figure out that it had been somewhat hostile, for Bao-Dur, who seemed to have understood what had been said, switched his lightsaber on. _I keep forgetting she's training him too… maybe that's just because he's not always walking around in a dress, showing off like pretty-boy over there._

Weapon in hand, they all moved toward their assailants.

* * *

The last bounty hunter had just fallen face down on the platform when someone else came running. It was a woman, with short, strikingly red hair. She was dressed in a manner that made Atton question whether she was also a bounty hunter or not; but remembering the Twi'leks at the pazaak lounge and their interesting fashion sense, he kept his blasters up. Granted, she did seem unarmed at the moment, but you could never know. 

"You can put those blasters of yours away, there, tough boy. I'm not here to attack you."

Atton slowly lowered his weapons and put them away, but still eyed the woman suspiciously.

"I'm Mira," she continued. "I was helping your Jedi friend. We took out Visquis, but… well… now Goto's got her."

"Goto?"

"Yeah… he's the one who put the bounty out on Jedi in the first place… I wish I could tell you where you'd be able to find her, but the truth is, nobody knows where Goto is. Even I only ever saw holograms of him."

"Even you—wait just a minute. Are you a bounty hunter?" demanded Atton, reaching for his blasters again.

"Well, yeah, but that's besides the point. And I told you, you can put those things right back into their holsters," she added, not missing a beat.

"How is that _besides_ the point?" he barked at her. "You were hunting her down, and now all of a sudden, you're magically trying to _help_ us? Forgive me if I don't exactly buy it."

Mira shrugged. "Well, Goto no longer is looking for Jedi, now that he's got your friend, so I'm hardly a threat." Atton scoffed. _As if she'd be a threat in the first place._ "And the way I see it," she continued, "he cheated me out of my bounty, so I want to get him as much as you do. Besides, you're going to need my help if you're going to track her down… assuming that's even possible."

"Well, it's not like we're about to just give up on her," commented Atton.

"No we're not, so please… if you know anything at all that could help us, we'd really appreciate it," Mical chimed in.

Atton rolled his eyes. _Is there any woman he doesn't try to impress?_

Mira turned to Mical. She looked a lot more impressed with him than with that scruffy guy with the blasters…

"Well," she replied to Mical, blatantly turning away from Atton, "like I said, the bounty for Jedi is off now, so we can't use that as our way onto the ship. I can't really think of any other way… short of disguising your ship as one of Vogga the Hutt's cargo ships."

"Vogga the Hutt's? Why?"

"Goto has been stealing all of Vogga's cargo ships, I don't really know why. And he seems to know which ones they are too, because they are the only ones that ever seem to get snatched up. He must be tracking their transponder codes. It's the only way."

"So if we got our hands on one of those transponder codes…" began Mical.

"…Then you'd have to retrofit your ship so it has the right transponder signals, and yeah, Goto would snatch you up," finished Mira. "However, there _is_ a problem…"

"Just one?" quipped Atton.

"Getting the transponder code will be hard," said Mira, ignoring Atton. "You'll have to get into Vogga's droid warehouse to get the code… but only droids can get in these days."

Everyone stood quietly for a moment, trying to figure out what they would do.

"Dee-deet!" suddenly exclaimed T3.


	5. Rescue

**Chapter 5 - Rescue**

"No way. No. Way." Atton was adamant. "I am _not_ staying behind again while you guys go play hero and rescue her."

It had been decided that it would be best if only two people were to go up to Goto's ship to look for Jena, in an effort to sneak around unnoticed. It had also been decided that these two people would be Mira and Mical. Atton, who, until that point, had managed to keep his temper in check, felt that that was the last straw. He got the distinct impression he was purposely being kept away from the mission.

Bao-Dur and Mical glanced at each other, both appearing to be thinking the same thing. Mical cleared his throat. "Look… Atton… don't you think—"

"No. Not you. You do not talk to me right now, because I don't know what I'll do to you."

Bao-Dur stepped in. "Atton, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that it would be a bad idea for you to go on Goto's ship to rescue the General. _Please_ hear me out," he quickly added at the first sign of hostility from Atton. Atton closed his mouth, crossed his arm and mumbled, "Fine."

"The General needs our help. She is stranded on Goto's ship, and she needs us to help her out quickly. You and I both know that this will require a rescue team that is slightly more… um… emotionally detached from the situation."

"What do you mean? I'm as emotionally detached as any of you!"

Almost everyone turned their eyes away and avoided his gaze. Mira, however looked at him square in the face and was quick to bluntly point out, "Right… and that's why you're freaking out over the thought of not being the knight in shining armor who gets to rescue the damsel in distress. That doesn't sound very emotionally detached to _me_."

Atton turned toward her. "Look… Mia…"

"Mira."

He shrugged. "Mira. Whatever. You've been with us what, five minutes? And last I checked you were trying to cash in on the bounty Jena has on her, so I _really_ don't think you have much to say in this matter."

"While that may be so, the bounty hunter _is_ right," said Kreia. "And if you stopped to think for one moment, if that is not asking too much of your abilities, you would realize that your presence would only be endangering the mission, 'Atton'… the mission, and _her_. This rescue mission calls for people with their wits about them, stealthily boarding the ship, not for headstrong fools to come barging into the place furiously."

"Please, Atton," pleaded Mical. "Do not endanger her further by insisting on accompanying the rescue team. She needs our help, and we are not helping her in any way by bickering amongst ourselves."

_Dammit, I know he's right… why did _he_ have to say that… now I'm going to have to agree with him. In public._

"Fine," conceded Atton. "Fine. I guess you guys make a good point. Will I at least be able to fly the damn ship there?"

"Well, there isn't really anyone else to do it, now is there?" shrugged Mandalore.

* * *

Atton sat restlessly in the _Ebon Hawk_'s cockpit. Mical and Mira had been gone for quite some time. _How long does it take to rescue one Jedi? She's probably sitting in a room, just waiting for them to come get her. The ship's not that big… What are they doing in there?_

He tried his best to remain angry at Mical, because he knew that if he didn't, he would simply worry himself sick about Jena. Everyone else had stayed behind on Nar Shaddaa, so there wasn't even anybody to harass to pass the time – well, except for T3, and he wasn't about to go there.

He happened look up and saw, outside the window, about half a dozen ships aim straight for Goto's ship. _What the…?_ Atton frowned. That did not look like a good sign. About five minute later, he heard some noises on the ship. He was about to get up to investigate, when Mical's head popped into the cockpit, yelling, "Atton, we have the Exile. Goto's ship is exploding. Get this thing running and get us the hell out of here!

_Did Mical actually just say "hell"?_

Atton quickly got the _Hawk_ moving and pulled away from Goto's ship, just in time, it would seem, as he could see parts of the ship starting to blow up. He set the course back to Nar Shaddaa, at which point someone came in to see him. He knew it was Mical before he even turned around.

"How's she doing?" Atton couldn't stop himself from asking. Damn! Why couldn't he just wait and see? Clearly she was okay; otherwise Mical would have already said something. But no, he had to _ask_.

"She's fine – just fine. She doesn't have a scratch on her. Well, maybe one or two – we did run into a rather large collection of bounty hunters once we shut down the ship's cloaking device."

"Is that what that was – I was wondering why all these ships showed up all of a sudden. So um – where is she?"

"She's in medbay right now… resting… Just get us back to Nar Shaddaa. I'll get her to come see you when I release her."

Atton's words, "That really won't be necessary," got caught in his throat on their way out. He coughed and opened his mouth to try again. Mical was already gone. _Well, that's just great. The entire ship thinks I'm lovesick with Jena. Especially after my little scene earlier… even I don't even know what that was about… but I couldn't help it, I was so worried about her!_ Atton laughed at himself. _Worried about a Jedi… thinking I could get her out of a scrape she couldn't deal with herself… what an inflamed ego I have. Why do I always want to save her? …To protect her?_

He landed the ship back on Nar Shaddaa. She hadn't come to see him yet, but he had a feeling she would very shortly. He pulled out his pazaak deck. _Gotta look busy when she comes… don't want her thinking I'm just sitting here pining… bad enough everybody else does…_

"Hey stranger!" a sweet voice called out from behind him. He almost got startled into dropping his pazaak deck again. How did she keep _doing_ that? He could sense it when anyone else came up behind him, but she always surprised him. He got up and turned around. She looked so… pitiful. Her left hand sticking out from her robe was completely bandaged up… and she had a pretty bad bruise and a few minor cuts on her face. A wave of relief swept over Atton, and he found it hard to resist the urge to run over to her and hold her.

_Why?_

"I'm… I'm glad they got you out okay," he said, sounding a little strangled, and wondering what was wrong with his voice today.

They stood silently looking at each other. _Why are things so uncomfortable now?_ He frowned slightly, looking away. _Right. Of course. She knows about your past, moron! You managed to forget about it when you were scared for her life, but of course _she_ didn't. She's probably here to—_

His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed Jena had sneaked up next to him. He was once again startled. _She has got to stop doing this to me._ His stomach started feeling a little funny… was he… nervous? _Well, I suppose I am… she's probably going to start badgering me with questions… or maybe she'll just kick me off the ship without—_

"You've been avoiding me," she stated, matter-of-factly. It wasn't a question.

"No, I haven't!" he protested. "I—" He stopped. Oh, who was he kidding? He didn't fool anyone… least of all a Jedi. He paused and sighed. "I'm sorry," he told her in earnest. He sighed again, bracing himself for the question that would come next. _Great. Now's where she asks me why I was avoiding her._ He grew even more nervous.

"I hear you were worried about me," she said calmly, a little distantly.

Atton's nervousness was immediately replaced with surprise. At the back of his mind, he recalled something she had once told him, laughing at the time, "_I never do anything that's expected… keeps people on their toes!_" He felt a little relieved that she wasn't going to start pestering him with questions right then and there. However, once the surprise had subsided, he felt embarrassment and disbelief. Someone had told her about his little outburst before boarding Goto's ship. _W-why? Who would do such a t—?_ He stopped, and then he understood. He did his best not to roll his eyes, but he couldn't help but sneer a little.

_Mical_.

"Yeah, well, we all were…" he said clumsily, blushing heavily, trying to repair the damage.

She smiled playfully. "You know, it's okay to admit you were worried about me. It doesn't make you any less of a 'manly mynock'." Was she _teasing_ him? He had started to forget what that felt like… It felt good… "Look," she continued, "if it makes you feel any better, I was a little worried about me, too. No clue how I was going to get off that ship… or even out of that room, for that matter."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one who got you out," he said bitterly.

"Hey, someone had to fly the ship. And for the record, I'm really glad it was you. Can you picture Mical trying to figure out what all these controls do?" she said with a twinkle in her eyes, motioning at the panel. She laughed and Atton joined in. This was definitely the Jena he knew. He felt relieved. He had wondered if things would ever be the same between them. It had been all so uncomfortable ever since Dantooine. Ever since—

Jena suddenly grew sober. "Look, I have to go… Mical wanted me to check in about these cuts I have on my face… I told him it was nothing, but he's fussing over me… over _me_! Silly boy," she added, shaking her head and chuckling a little. Atton laughed a bit as well, scrambling to determine whether it had been a good or a bad thing that she called Mical a boy; a silly one at that. "Anyway," she continued soberly, "there's some… stuff… I wanted to talk to you about." She saw Atton's face grow somber, and quickly added, "Don't worry, it won't be an interrogation. I just want some… information." And, as if to soften the blow, she hurriedly walked up to him, flung her arms around his shoulders, and hugged him tightly. He tensed up for a second out of sheer surprise, but then started to relax, and tentatively, and somewhat clumsily, wrapped his arms around her. Her hair tickled his chin; he always seemed to forget how short she was. He closed his eyes and sighed blissfully. For a moment, he managed to forget who he really was and felt almost at peace.

"Thanks for worrying about me," she said, her voice muffled by his jacket. She then made a sound that almost sounded like a sob. But it couldn't be – not _her_. He grew concerned, but she squeezed him a little harder, and he forgot all about it, squeezing her back.

Atton felt he could easily have stood with her that way all day. He was the happiest he had been since… since… well, since the _last_ time he had felt his arms around Jena. And his lips on hers… and—

_Murderer._

Kreia's voice had resounded in his mind, clear as a bell. As though she had heard it too, Jena immediately let go and backed away from him. "I should… go…" she muttered awkwardly. And just like that, she ran out the door. Atton sighed. The sight of Jena bolting from the cockpit after any kind of physical contact with him was starting to become a little too familiar.


	6. Confession

**Chapter 6 - Confession**

They left Nar Shaddaa, and once they reached hyperspace, Atton, having put T3 in charge of piloting, decided he could safely wander away from the cockpit for a quick stroll.

"Yes, I'm putting you in charge, but it still doesn't mean that I like you."

"Dwoooo…"

The course had been set for Dantooine, where Jena was to finally meet with the remaining members of the Order as a group. What was going to happen after that was anybody's guess. He only hoped they weren't going to pick up any new life forms to travel with… or worse, droids. Atton shuddered. The new floating ball of metal that claimed to be Goto's droid, and which had come back with Jena's rescue party, made him anything but comfortable… and the HK model droid Jena had finally finished fixing up… well, that one was just plain _weird_. It would say things like "Query: How would you like me to annihilate these superfluous meatbags, Master?" How was he supposed to relax with that thing on board? Atton was not about to forget that it was a model very similar to this one that had been attempting to capture and seriously maim, if not kill, Jena – and him, in the process – ever since they tried to escape Peragus. Quite frankly, the ship was getting pretty crowded; and since he rarely saw eye to eye with most of the crew, the more crowded it got, the more difficult his life became.

As he made his way to the main hold, he thought he heard female voices ahead. He unconsciously gradually slowed his pace down, until he had completely stopped. What were they talking about?

"I don't know… you just seem to have this sort of… glow about you," he heard Mira comment.

"Glow?" enquired Jena, perplexed. She then chuckled a bit. "Well, I guess it's the Force. See, sometimes when an individual is particularly in touch with the Force, other people can see it… and yes, it can come off as a bit of a 'glow', I suppose."

"Oh. Oh I see. Yeah, see, here I was just thinking there was something going on between you and Atton," replied Mira bluntly. Her comment caught Atton so off-guard that he choked on his own spittle. He stifled a cough and started turning purple. He had to hear what was said next if it killed him; they could not know he was there.

"Between me and… Atton?" gasped Jena. Was there a touch of defensiveness in her voice? "I'm not… sure… I know what you mean…"

"Well, you know, I just thought you and Atton had a thing going."

"A 'thing'?"

Mira was getting impatient. "Wow, to they ever let you people out at those Jedi training schools of yours? I meant I thought you and Atton were together… you know… _physically_!"

Jena sounded mortified. "I… well, yes, I kind of figured that's what you were getting at…" She collected herself. "But no… no, Atton and I don't have a 'thing' going on…" As an afterthought, she muttered somewhat rebelliously, "At least none that I'm aware of." Atton's face grew grim – but she _was_ right, and he knew it. Nothing was going on… not anymore at least, assuming their lone kiss could even qualify as "something going on"… He stared morosely at his feet, his thoughts still occasionally interrupted by the odd urge to cough.

"At any rate," continued Jena, "we certainly haven't been together _physically_." _Well, that's most definitely true_, Atton conceded regretfully.

"Oh, well, that's good to know," replied Mira.

_Good to know?_

"Good to know?" asked Jena suspiciously, as though she had heard Atton's thoughts. "Why is that good to know?"

"Well, you know… when you start mixing business with pleasure… it can only lead to bad things…" Mira paused. "You know?" she insisted.

"Oh, I see…" said Jena. Was there a tone of relief in her voice? Atton could almost swear there was. "I thought maybe it was because _you_ might be interested in him."

"Me? _Atton_? EW! I mean, no offense if you're…" She checked herself. "But… but you're not…" She laughed. "You know what, I'm just gonna shut up right now."

Jena laughed as well. Her tone grew more confidential and almost… girlish. Atton noticed the change and raised an interested eyebrow. This was definitely quite a change from the Jena he was used to.

"Do you know anything about men, Mira?" she asked.

"Sure! Men are easy… that's why I dress like this. When he looks down to check you out, you jab him with a Bothan Stunner, then while he's screaming in agony, slap a pair of stun cuffs…"

Her voice was getting fainter. Atton was glad they had started walking away, because he felt sure that whatever the end of that conversation would be, he didn't want to hear it. If that's what girl talk was supposed to sound like, he was relieved that he had never been subjected to it before. _This is one scary woman._ He shook his head in disbelief. He didn't know which he found more disturbing: that he had to fall asleep on the same ship as Mira at some point and thus let his guards down, or that the woman he was hoping to win over was currently taking relationship advice from her. He shuddered.

* * *

"Atton?" 

Atton had been fast asleep in his chair, but skittishly jumped up and turned around, fists up and ready to fight. He then sighed in relief and lowered his arms. "Oh. It's _you_."

"Well, who were you expecting?" laughed Jena.

"I just thought… that redhead… she's _nuts_."

Jena laughed again. "Who, Mira? Yeah, she's… interesting. She has a rather… original way of seeing things."

"Yeah, I'll bet," grumbled Atton, rolling his eyes. His gaze then made its way over to her, and he looked at her curiously. He picked up a strange vibe emanating from her. He grew uneasy. He decided that his best bet was to pretend that nothing was wrong. "So," he added cheerfully with a pretend smile, heading toward the galaxy map. "What can I do for you? Course has been set for Dantooine, as you know." He fingered the planet on the map. "And unless we make any more pit stops along the way, we should be arriving in…"

"Atton…" soberly interrupted Jena.

"Yeah, what?" He turned around and faced Jena. His eyes met hers, and his false smile faded slowly.

"You _know_ why I'm here," she insisted.

"I do?" he asked, trying to sound unconcerned but failing rather badly.

She crossed her arms and looked at him meaningfully.

"Okay, okay, so I do," he reluctantly admitted. He took a deep breath. "You have some questions, I probably have answers, so let's get this interrogation over with." _So you can leave me behind on Dantooine. Though I'd have much preferred being left behind on Nar Shaddaa, if I had a choice…_

"This isn't an interrogation, Atton," she said loftily.

He shrugged. "Hey, I call them as I see them. So… What did you want to know?" _Oh, please, please let the ship crash into an asteroid right now, so I don't have to go through this…Or maybe one of those droids could suddenly blow up…_ He became slightly hopeful.

She hesitated; she shut her eyes and, as one who was determined to get the worse over with, said – "I met someone on Nar Shaddaa who says he knows you."

She had spoken the words he had been dreading. Something churned in his chest, and he felt as though his world was starting to crumble down around him.

"Oh yeah?" he enquired airily, attempting to conceal his anguish, although he knew he could not fool her. "Did he tell you I owed him any credits?"

"Atton, is there something you want to tell me?" she bluntly asked, disregarding his comment.

That look – the accusation in her eyes… He had wanted her to know, but not like this. Definitely not like this. He had imagined he'd be the one approaching her when he felt sure of what he'd tell her… not the other way around. He hesitated. That scrutinizing gaze… Atton felt compelled to glance away and resentment swelled within him. _How dare she?_ His defenses went up rapidly despite himself; he couldn't help but snap at her.

"Nooooo…" he snarled. "If there was something I wanted to tell you, I would tell you. Just like I figure if there's something you want to tell _me_ about _your_ past, you'll just tell me."

His abrupt change in demeanor dismayed her. Her voice quivered. "Atton…" she began; but her pleading eyes only helped harden his heart even farther.

"Never mind," he dismissed curtly. "Like I said, let's just get this interrogation over with. So… exactly what _did_ your guy tell you?"

She hesitated. "He said you were a… a…"

"A murderer? An assassin? A Sith? A Republic deserter?" he offered brusquely. "Yeah, I guess I was all of the above."

"Actually, he only said you were a killer…" she replied, trying to compose herself and doing her best not to let his harsh tone get to her.

"A killer. Ha. Now _there_'s an understatement." He laughed bitterly.

"Who did you kill?"

A strange look came over his face. "Why, Jedi, of course. Didn't you know? Didn't he tell you? I was really good at it, too. I was part of one of Revan's assassination squads during the Jedi Civil War. My job was to go out and capture enemy Jedi."

Jena looked like she swallowed something before she spoke. "Capture… but not _kill_."

"Well, of course Revan preferred to capture them… capture them to make them fall. Get them to buy into our cause. That was my favorite part. Making them fall. But of course, that didn't always work… and when that didn't work, they had to be killed, of course."

"But… Jedi… how could _you_ kill Jedi?" Was she _mocking_ him?

"I taught myself techniques… I'd throw strong walls of emotions at them, which would confuse them. Jedi – well, most of them can't really see past surface emotions. They never knew what I was really thinking till it was too late. And then I'd hurt them – badly… to make them fall… And when that didn't work, well then I'd just kill them. Like I said, I was really good at it. Fact is, sometimes even the Jedi on our side didn't realize I was there. Guess I was a natural. The perfect tool for the Sith." He laughed again – such a cruel, sardonic laugh.

"Is that… is that why you act the way you do? Hide your thoughts?"

Atton shrugged. "Part of it. I don't know. Maybe it was always me. It's hard to tell, sometimes. I… I haven't known who I really am for years." His voice trembled a little.

"Atton…" she whispered compassionately.

But the soft almost caressing way in which she said his name only brought out his sharpness even more. "Well, don't get too attached to me," he said abruptly. "I don't like it."

His words struck her like a slap across the face. "Why not?" she whispered again, wounded.

Something in her eyes finally softened his heart a little, and he replied a little bit more kindly, "Because I'm a deserter. It's what I do. I never stick around." _And I'd rather die than see you hurt because of me._ "I told you earlier I was a Republic deserter… I fought alongside Revan and Malak during the Mandalorian Wars. My allegiance was to them. Because while all those other Jedi on the Council just sat and debated what they should do, Revan and Malak… and _you… _actually went out and did something about it. People were dying by the millions, and _still_ the Council was doing nothing. You were there. You know how it was – how easy it was to hate all those Jedi who just sat there and watched. And when Revan won the war… and Jedi started fighting Jedi… well, I sided with her. And Malak. I left the Republic to fight alongside the Sith."

She frowned slightly. "Well, I still don't think that really makes you a des—"

His voice became harsh again. "Yeah, but even with the Sith, I didn't stick around either. I mean, I killed a lot of Jedi for them… and I even _liked_ it," he admitted, wanting to get everything off his chest. If nothing else, he could never be accused of not being completely honest with her. "But one day I decided not to do it anymore… so I left."

He stopped and waited for her reaction. She closed her eyes and did not say anything for a long time. His heart stood still. Finally—

"Why are you telling me this?" she whispered almost inaudibly. "You're telling a Jedi that you tortured and killed Jedi."

"Because," he replied, drastically lowering his voice, "you've killed Jedi too. Different circumstances, of course, but your body count is much higher than mine ever was. I… just wanted to set the story straight… I thought… I _hoped_… you might understand… somehow…" he added, his voice trailing off.

Jena appeared unsure as to whether she ought to be furious or glad that he would think so. She seemed to no longer know what to think. Now that he had stopped talking, Atton's anxiety returned. _Please, please don't ask why… why…_ His mouth was dry. He needed a glass of water… or a stiff shot of juma juice. _Please…_ She silently stood looking at Atton, to see if he had anything else to say; but as he was clearly waiting for her to say something, she at long last asked wearily, "Then why did you end up leaving the Sith?"

Atton's face turned ashen and he closed his eyes.


	7. Forgiveness

Author's notes at the bottom...

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Forgiveness**

Atton was throwing pazaak cards moodily at the wall. He had tried playing for a little while, but failing to be able to concentrate enough to count, he had given up in sheer disgust. He couldn't think of a time he hadn't been able to play pazaak before.

Mical walked in and narrowly missed having a pazaak card thrown at his head.

"What?" snarled Atton.

"I… wanted to let the others know when we would be landing," he asked cautiously, sensing that Atton was even more hostile than usual.

"I don't know. Within the hour, I guess. Now get out."

Mical immediately backed out of the cockpit, leaving Atton to his own devices – much to the latter's relief. Atton didn't know what to think. To his surprise, Jena hadn't asked him to leave the _Ebon Hawk_… but nor had she asked him to stay. She hadn't said _anything_; anything, save one sentence as she stared at him with eyes that were haunting him still – _"This is a lot to bear… and a lot to forgive."_ And then with a white face she had walked out without a glance at him. He shuddered over the memory. That look was something he had never seen in her eyes before… almost how he imagined a harmless gizka would look if he had been petting it, and suddenly started choking it with his hands. Yet it had seemed so strangely familiar… Betrayal, hurt, horror… and something else, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. And with a pang, he realized what it was.

_Fear? That can't be it. I've never seen her be afraid of anything, least of all me. It's almost like she… could no longer feel fear after what she's been through. I really don't want to be the one responsible for bringing it out of her again._ He shook his head._ No…no, that can't have been it. I must be wrong._

He however felt he was right. He had seen that very look before, but on someone else. Someone he preferred not to think about, but someone he had had to tell her about. Flashes of the words he had spoken to Jena started coming to mind.

_Said that there was a place where Revan sent all Jedi to break them – turn them into dark Jedi… Said I had the Force in me, and that if that was discovered, I'd be sent there too…I hurt her… a lot… and suddenly she showed me the Force in my head… I think I loved her – but it wasn't that kind of love… killed her for crawling in my head, for showing me that… before, I was thinking I'd love to kill her – and at the end I killed her because I loved her…_

He got up quickly, as though walking would successfully obliterate the memory. He headed toward the main hold in an effort to get those words out of his head, to try and forget again… or if he couldn't forget, then to at least be able to pretend the memory wasn't there. Guilt was still a fairly new feeling to him, and he couldn't cope with it very well. On his way to the main hold, he fleetingly wondered what would happen if Jena was there. He however doubted that would be the case. The way she had stormed off, he couldn't exactly picture her doing her mundane routine activities, teasing HK-47 as she seemed to enjoy doing – much to his alarm. She'd likely be avoiding contact with anyone. He knew he certainly would. In fact, he started to question why he was even leaving the cockpit at all; he was certainly in no position to be able to deal with the likes of Mical right now, as was made evident by their earlier exchange. He turned and took a step back toward from whence he came. And then he heard voices – and distinctly heard his own name. He stopped.

"Don't go in there," Mical warned. "Atton's in one of his… moods."

"Yeah, that's sort of what I figured," replied Mira. "I saw Jena storm out of the cockpit and she practically pushed me out of her way. I bet _he_ had something to do with it. Wouldn't be the first time he did or said the wrong thing. Can't say I've ever seen her quite like this, though. This happen a lot?"

"No," replied Mical quietly. "She never loses her temper. Well, not in this manner. I… I went to see her to let her know we would be landing soon. She's hiding out in the cargo hold, of all places. I told her we'd be arriving on Dantooine soon, and she deliberately turned her back to me and ignored me. It's very odd. I guess she wants to be left alone. So try to avoid the cargo hold."

Atton silently retreated back to the cockpit. _Why do people keep having conversations about me right at my door? Does it never cross their minds that I might come out at some point?_

He picked up the pazaak cards he had abandoned, put up his feet and resumed throwing cards at the wall. He shook his head… the cargo hold! Well, she was likely just meditating in there and got annoyed when Mical walked in on her. _She'll probably come back soon with some weird cryptic message._

But he knew that wasn't true. Jena was never cryptic… Well, hardly ever – and usually, she only did it to get on his nerves. She knew it drove him crazy. Yeah, she sure liked to drive him crazy. Forgetting the present circumstances, he smiled, fondly recalling some of the ways she'd managed to exasperate him in the past… _Like that time on Peragus… Well, actually, it was pretty much the entire time we were on Peragus. I hated her so much I probably would have left her there if I'd had a choice. Then again, she was the hottest girl that paid any attention to me in a long time – WAY too long – so I'd have to have been a special kind of stupid to abandon her._ He depicted her in his mind as she had looked when she had first come barging into the room where he was locked up – disheveled, demanding, bossy, half-naked… He chuckled a bit – but then the words she had coldly uttered before exiting the cockpit a few minutes prior flashed into his head again… His smile vanished instantly and he felt something twist and turn in his chest. Not wanting to start focusing on that again, he tried to lighten his mood a little. _Well, she probably won't kick me off the ship because they still need me around to fly this rust bucket… But she probably won't trust me or talk to me anymore. And I certainly won't have any more of a shot with her, assuming I had one in the first place. She'll probably marry her Mical and have a bunch of little Jedi babies. _The ludicrousness of the thought made him laugh despite everything. _Okay, so maybe she won't marry Mical and have little Jedi babies. I just—Oh crap!_ He suddenly noticed Dantooine getting really big in the window. He threw the remainder of his cards onto the floor and promptly put his feet down. _I have to land this thing!_

As soon as the ship was on firm ground, he stood up with a heavy heart to go attend the briefing that generally took place immediately after landing. Jena would usually gather her troops and let them know her strategy. This time however, Atton stepped into the main hold only to see Jena briskly sweep past everyone and head directly toward the exit ramp without as much as a glance at anyone.

"Uh… are we not going to discuss the plan of action?" enquired Atton, mentally kicking himself as he spoke for opening his mouth at all. _None of the others were saying anything… somebody had to! I just wish it hadn't been me_. _Why didn't anybody else say anything? Why do I always have to be the one putting his foot in his mouth?_

Jena stopped. She slowly turned around and faced the entire crew with a cold, detached look on her face. "No… I mean, not yet… I need some time alone for a moment, if you don't mind," she said, carefully avoiding Atton's steady gaze. "I'll… I'll be back shortly. Just need… time alone to… center… myself," she faltered. Immediately regaining her composure, she added, "Mical, please see that I'm not bothered."

"Certainly." He threw a black look at Atton's direction, clearly indicating that he thought he must have had something to do with this. But Atton was past caring what Mical did, said or thought, as he watched Jena running down the exit ramp. The others glanced questioningly at each other, except Kreia who stood very still, staring wordlessly at the empty ramp. Atton didn't hesitate for long. _The hell with it._ He started making his way toward the exit ramp as well.

…_behaving like a petulant child?…_

The fragmented thought that flashed in Atton's head startled him, and he wondered where it had come from. He felt quite certain he it hadn't originated from him. _Hell, I'm not even sure I know what 'petulant' means._ Yet somehow, he had heard it – or felt it. He frowned, but shrugged it off immediately – he had bigger concerns. One of those concerns was getting past Mical, who had noticed where he was headed and had proceeded to block his path.

"Atton, she said she wanted to be—"

"Left alone. Yeah, I got that. But I have to talk to her. So back off.

Mical eyed him suspiciously and did not budge.

Atton sighed resignedly. "Look, the way I see it, if she doesn't want to see me, she can tell me herself." He looked straight ahead and his eyes locked with Mical's. "Please?" he entreated, lowering his voice.

Mical stared silently at Atton for a moment, clearly trying to read his thoughts. Atton immediately caught on to what he was doing. _I don't think so, buddy…_ Mical finally reluctantly yielded, stepping aside, but warned, "Very well… but Atton… if you hurt her…"

"I think I already have," muttered Atton miserably, walking out.

He stepped out onto the landing pad and looked around. He was alone. Well, this certainly was… strange. Where had she gone? Atton didn't think he left that long after her… he should still have been able to see her… but she was just—_gone_!

_Right – the Jedi thing. Running really fast and all that stuff. How do I keep forgetting the fact she's a Jedi? Maybe I just don't want her to be one… I mean, seriously… Jedi…_ He shuddered._ All right… enough of that. How do I find her? Let me think… I'm a girl, I'm a Jedi, I'm upset, where would I—Oh for crying out loud, this will never work. Like I can understand women OR Jedi. I guess I'll just walk around and hope I find her. Good thing I have my blasters with me; I hear the kinrath in these parts are murder._

Atton started walking toward Khoonda. _Wow, this certainly would be easier if I had actually been here before… they only let me off the ship once while we were here, and I was embarrassing enough for them to want to hide me for the rest of our stay… I think Jena felt a little bad about it though. She always did stick up for me even when all the others were against me… She believed in me, even when the others thought I was lower than dirt… and I pay her back by proving that I _am_ lower than dirt. No wonder she won't talk to me. _Atton looked around. _Okay, this is nuts. I'll never find her like this. She won't be at the Jedi Enclave yet, because she won't be up to seeing those Jedi yet… though why she would want to see a bunch of Jedi in the first place is beyond me… and she won't want to be around people, so she won't be anywhere near Khoonda. At least, I wouldn't think._ _I doubt I'll be well received if I ask one of these people if they've seen a Jedi… they probably still hate Jedi despite the fact she just saved their necks. _He wracked his brain trying to think of any other clues. _Maybe if I'd actually asked her stuff about herself in the past I might have an idea… instead of always trying to con her into playing pazaak with Nar Shaddaa rules…Never exactly made me come across as Mr. Sensitivity…_

He walked a little further, and frowned. _All right. This is ridiculous. What am I doing here anyway? She clearly doesn't want to be found. I'll just go back to the ship and wait for her along with the others, like I should have done in the first place._

He turned around and just as he was about to start walking back, he caught something in the corner of his eye, off in the distance. Was that…? Yes! It _was_ Jena! Sitting by a stream! …Was she… _meditating_? As Atton drew closer to her, he could see that she was not only meditating, but that she also looked… very much at peace. He almost hated to disturb her. _That's strange… the way she left the ship in a huff, I would've almost expected to find her crying her eyes out. Mind you, she's never really been the crying type. _Atton could think of many situations she had been in since they met where _he_ probably would have cried – yet she had always remained calm, always kept her cool. He slowed down his pace, trying to be as silent as possible. He didn't think he had made any noise, but she suddenly opened her eyes, looked right at him and smiled faintly, beckoning at him. The hurt, the resentment, the horror, and most importantly, the fear – all were gone from her eyes. He sat down on the grass next to her.

"Why did you run off like that?" he said a little reproachfully. "I think you confused everyone on board, even that old witch."

"I'm sorry." She spoke very softly, staring at the stream. "I needed to get away to… to center myself. I feel a lot better now."

"Well, that's good…" He was absent-mindedly throwing pebbles into the stream, his eyes fixated on his boots.

"Atton, it's… it's okay. What you told me." She never took her eyes off the stream. "We've all made some bad choices in the past… but what matters is the present. Your past is what made you who you are… and I wouldn't change that for anything."

Atton's eyes still focused on his boots, but his heart started beating a little faster and his face lit up as he took in what she had said. A smile slowly developed on his lips. Was she… was she… _forgiving_ him?

"Of course I forgive you, Atton," she said slowly.

Atton's smile dropped as he turned rapidly and gaped at her. _Has she been reading my thoughts?_

"Of course I haven't been reading your thoughts, Atton," said Jena with mischievous eyes.

"You have! But how… how—?" asked Atton, dismayed. There was no anger in his voice – only bewilderment. He was convinced he had been carefully shielding his thoughts.

Jena burst into peals of laughter. "I haven't, silly! I just _know_ you. I find it so easy to know what you think, sometimes. More than anybody else I've ever known."

"Oh." He was too relieved to realize the deeper meaning hidden behind what she had just said.

"You should have seen your face…" she laughed. "All worried that all of a sudden I could access all your weird twisted fantasies."

He scoffed at her. "Believe me, sister, if you had seen those, _you're_ the one who'd be worried right about now," he replied smugly.

"Not as worried as you'd be if you could see _mine_…" she retorted with impish laughter.

Atton raised an interested eyebrow. Now_ this_ conversation was getting somewhere! However, much to his chagrin, Jena changed the topic and looked serious for a moment.

"Look… Atton… there's one more thing I've got to ask…"

His smile vanished as he vaguely wondered what else she could possibly have to ask him. He had told her everything, after all. She immediately noticed the change and tried to retract what she had said. "It's nothing big… you don't… you don't even have to tell me… not if you don't want to… I… I was just curious…"

Atton smiled inwardly, but tried hard not to let it show. _She looks so adorable when she's flustered._ "All right… what do you want to know?" he simply asked, as soberly as he could.

"I was just curious about what happened on Dxun…" she began cautiously. "In the temple… you seemed so… calm after you got back. Calmer than I've ever known you to be."

"Oh. That. Well, I guess I just had to prove something to myself, and I'd never had the chance to put it to the test till then."

"What was it?"

Atton smiled enigmatically. "Nothing I didn't already know…"

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_Author's Notes:_ Thank you very much to everybody who's reviewed my story so far... I'm very happy to know you like it. :) I'm especially happy you seem to have liked chapter 6, because quite frankly, it was a little hellish to write. As was this one, for that matter... The whole Atton confession thing gave me nightmares. I had to watch that confession scene in the game ad nauseum, just so I could get it right. I also had chapter 7 written out and I hated it, so I wound up re-writing most of it. I hope it turned out to your liking. Please let me know what you think! (as fikitte suggested, I opened up reviews so anonymous users can review as well... we'll see how that goes.) 


	8. Pure Pazaak

Author's notes at the bottom

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**Chapter 8 – Pure Pazaak**

"You know, you don't _have_ to get a lightsaber… It's a good _idea_, but if you really don't want to… I mean – Bao doesn't wear Jedi robes…"

Jena chuckled at Atton. He had expressed his distaste for giving up his beloved blasters. He grinned sheepishly. "Nah… you're right; it's probably best to follow the more… _traditional_ route."

Jena laughed again, and he felt compelled to join in: after all, when had he ever been concerned with doing things the traditional way?

They had returned to the ship and Atton felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulder. He was happy – at peace… and something else. Not only had she forgiven him for his past, but she had also begun training him in the Force. Him! He felt more alive than he ever had. He had told her he believed the reason why he had been saved was so he could help her – and that he wanted to do everything in his power to achieve that goal… including being trained in the Force. The mere fact that she had agreed and begun his training proved to him that she really meant what she had said – she had truly forgiven him. He felt elated; in fact, his very stance looked different.

He happily hopped back onto the ship and started to hunt down Bao-Dur so he could help him craft a lightsaber. While he had been hesitant about getting a lightsaber in the first place, his choice of weapon was vindicated some time later, when he walked out of the cockpit wearing Jedi robes and holding his brand new lightsaber… and met Kreia in the hall. The look of sheer disgust that she shot at him as he walked past made it all worthwhile.

After Atton's lightsaber was crafted (a double-hilted viridian saber, which he thought was quite possibly the most awesome thing he had ever seen), Jena asked him to follow her to the cargo hold; she would track down a Jedi robe for him. As they walked side by side, he noticed her glimpsing at him strangely.

"Something up?" he asked.

"Oh… nothing… I was just wondering…" She hesitated and decided to take the plunge. "What's your real name, Atton?"

He glanced at her. "What makes you think Atton's not my real name?" he asked loftily.

She stopped and stared at him, smirking. He stopped walking as well and looked at her. He was trying hard to resist a sudden urge to laugh, and it wasn't working too well.

"All right, all right," he chuckled. "You know, that silent look of yours seems to force me to tell you everything. Are you sure you're not using your Jedi tricks on me?"

"Quite sure, because if I had, you'd have already answered my question instead of trying to evade it."

"You could tell, huh? You're starting to know me a little too well… and I don't know if it's such a good thing." He smiled and after briefly checking that no one was within earshot, he said, "Jaq. My name's Jaq."

"Jaq," she repeated, the name rolling off her tongue. "I like it."

"Well, maybe _you_ do, but I prefer Atton. I've been Atton for so long that Jaq sounds weird to me now." _Did you just tell her your name? What is wrong with you? _"I must really trust you… this isn't exactly something I normally go around advertising. I'm… sure you can figure out why."

"Well," she teased, "I could always have tried to get it out of you the more typical Jedi way…"

He smiled smugly. "You could have _tried_… It wouldn't have worked, but you could've tried."

"What makes you say that? Are you doubting my abilities?" she replied, just as smugly.

He hesitated. "Well… did you ever try to read my mind?"

Jena blushed and faltered. "Oh… Well… I…"

He raised his hand. "Say no more. It was to be expected. All Jedi do it… a lot more than you'd think, too."

Her eyes dropped. "Kreia got me to do it… I'm … I'm sorry."

Atton was nonplussed. "Well, I can't say I've ever heard a Jedi apologize for that before. That's kind of a new experience. So, what did you learn from me?"

"Well, nothing. You were playing pazaak in your head."

Atton looked pleased. "Exactly. Sometimes I also count ticks in the power coupling."

"But there are no ticks in the ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­power coupling. It's been fixed."

"Yeah, I know. And that's why you should count them." He smiled mysteriously. She looked confused. "Come here!" He grabbed her sleeve and started pulling her toward the cockpit. She didn't budge and eyed him suspiciously. "Come, I want to show you something," he insisted.

Jena crossed her arms and looked at Atton with a somewhat amused look on her face. "You want to _show_ me something. Alone, in the cockpit." She snickered.

"It's not what you're thinking – though I must admit that I _do_ like the way you think," grinned Atton. "Now come on!"

She followed him reluctantly, and the moment they entered the cockpit, he closed the door and pulled out his pazaak cards.

"Let me show you why I play pazaak."

"What? Atton, I don't want to play pazaak! We have things to do! I have to get you your Jedi robe, and then I have to go meet with…"

"_Trust_ me." He suddenly looked very serious. "We're not playing for credits, we're playing for something else."

She narrowed her eyes apprehensively. "All right, but this better not be using Nar Shaddaa rules," she grumbled.

"No, no… all our clothes are gonna stay on, I promise. I'll deal." He sat down on the floor and Jena had no choice but to sit across from him. They started playing. About halfway through their second hand, Atton suddenly asked, "So what are you thinking right now?"

"Um… that 18 plus 3 is 21, so I'll be over if I play this card."

"Exactly."

Jena looked at him impatiently. "Would you care to explain what this is about? I don't have time for your evasiveness."

"Patience, patience my dear… I thought you Jedi were taught how to control your emotions."

"I'm not a Jedi!" she flared.

"Well, I'm glad to see I can still get your back up," he replied, smiling impishly. Her anger immediately melted away and she laughed.

"I honestly don't know how you do it. I can keep my temper in check around anybody else. But you…" She shook her head.

"I guess I just bring it out of people. Anyway, back to the pazaak thing… What you just said when I asked you what you were thinking… that's exactly why I play pazaak in my head. Because when I don't, I just leave the door open."

She looked at him and finally understood. "You count cards to prevent people from reading your mind." _As insightful as ever, my dear…_

"No, I just play pazaak," he winked. "But if it so happens that people try to enter my mind, or control it, all of a sudden, it becomes a lot more difficult for them. Do you understand?"

Jena smiled. "Yes, I think so."

"Good! So if you're ever up against someone who's more powerful than you, just play pazaak and you'll be okay… All of a sudden, it won't be so easy for them to get the better of you… Because you'll be right here with me, playing pazaak, where they can't reach you."

Atton let his words hang and his eyes met Jena's for a brief moment. He was about to look away when Jena smiled sweetly at him, got up, and held out her hands to help him up. "All right, Jaq, let's go get you some clothes."

"Atton," he corrected, pulling himself up.

"Atton," she purred, holding onto his hands just a touch longer than necessary. Their eyes locked again and Atton suddenly let go of her hands, just as she turned to look away. _Well, that was certainly awkward… what was that about?_

In a slightly uncomfortable silence, they left the cockpit and quickly made their way to the cargo hold. The instant they walked into the room, Jena started frantically rummaging through a large footlocker, unloading most of its inventory onto the floor. Atton stood quietly a few feet behind her, when something unceremoniously dumped onto the floor caught his eye… something red and gold… and quite _small_.

"What the hell is this?" he asked, baffled.

Jena pulled her head out of the footlocker to see what he was referring to. She followed his gaze down to the heap of fabric on the floor. She blushed furiously. "Oh that… that's… nothing."

"Like hell, it's nothing! Is that – is that what I _think_ it is?" He still gaped at the fabric on the floor, almost awed.

She said nothing and buried her head back into the footlocker.

"It _is_, isn't it? It's a dancer's outfit!" insisted Atton.

"Shut up, or I'll make you wear it," said the grumbling voice in the footlocker.

Atton laughed. "And why, pray tell, do we happen to have such an item in our possession?"

Jena sighed resignedly. She had hoped the matter would be dropped, but then she had temporarily forgotten whom she was dealing with. "Fine." She dropped everything, turned and looked straight at him. "When we were on Nar Shaddaa, we tried to go in to see Vogga the Hutt to talk to him… nobody could get in… he was looking for a new dancer, so we saw it as the only way to go in to see him."

"You mean, you wore…" began Atton, and immediately stopped. He found himself unable to utter anything else. _And Mical and Bao-Dur saw…_

"Yes. I _wore_," she snapped. "Didn't really do much good either… the second I started dancing, Vogga fell asleep."

Atton gulped. _She wore this… and danced in this…and the Hutt fell asleep? What in the Force is wrong with those things? I just knew they were lacking some kind of equipment._

"Anyway," she continued, "drop the subject or I _will_ make you wear this little number. Don't think I was kidding. I know ways to make it happen." _Oh, I'm sure you do, babe. _"And no card counting tricks will save you this time," she warned, smirking. Atton still couldn't shake the vision of Jena wearing the dancer's outfit from his mind. He may have seen her in her underwear once, but that brown jumpsuit of hers had nothing on this outfit, which didn't exactly leave much to the imagination.

"And now I found you some decent robes," she said, pulling some dark brown fabric from the footlocker and shoving it into his arms. "You go put that on. Trust me, they're really comfortable and a lot easier to move in than regular armor… or even that old jacket of yours," she added, tugging at his sleeve playfully and smiling coquettishly. Without another word, Atton rapidly turned and left the room with the Jedi robe in hand. He felt he wouldn't be responsible for his actions if he stayed in Jena's presence any longer, not with the mental images he was having, all of them involving Jena and the dancer's outfit. The mere touch of her hand on his arm had started giving him some rather uncomfortable side effects. He had just re-earned her trust; he didn't want to risk losing it again by trying something that even he could only describe as incredibly stupid.

_I still can't believe Mical got to see her with that on. I'll bet it made him rethink his whole view of relationships as being non-carnal._ He shook his head in disbelief. _That's it; I'm never staying on the ship again. Ever._

He returned to the cockpit and locked the door behind him – then stopped and stared blankly at said lock for several seconds. He then banged his head against the door a few times and groaned. _That's what you do when you want private time in the cockpit with a pretty girl. You lock the door, so no stupid droids walk in on you. Doors have locks, you idiot. Maybe next time you'll actually use one._ He banged his head again. _Not that there will likely be a next time…_ He felt a small pang in his heart and turned his attention to the bundle of fabric he held in his arms, in a desperate effort to think of anything else. He undressed and tried to put the robe on. _What the… how do these things work? And these are supposed to be convenient? I can figure out the bottom part easy enough, but this shirt… thing…and this belt? This is so awkward!_ He struggled for a few minutes to try and get the robe on properly. The thought of asking Jena for help crossed his mind, and he laughed at himself. _I've embarrassed myself enough in front of her. I think that would be kind of the last straw._ He smiled, picturing the scene. _'Jena, would you please come in here? I need your help to get dressed!'_ He raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. _Mind you…_

_

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_

_Author's notes:_ This chapter actually originally did not include the counting card bit at all... in fact, I had even made a reference in chapter 3 to Jena counting cards in her head. However, I decided I might like to use this scene here, so I went back and edited chapter 3.

Judging from some of the feedback, I'm getting the impression that some of you thought I was ending the story last chapter. Yeah, RIGHT:) I'm enjoying writing this story way too much. There's still lots coming... feel free to let me know what you think still.


	9. Jedi Council

**Chapter 9 – Jedi Council**

Having finally managed to put his robe on properly – after struggling with the belt for a little while -- Atton picked up his lightsaber and proudly looked at his reflection in the galaxy map screen. He walked out of the cockpit (after unlocking the door, which once again made him groan at his own stupidity) and immediately ran into Mira. She made a sound, which almost sounded like admiration.

"Wow! Well, look at you all Jedified!" exclaimed Mira.

Atton eyed her suspiciously. She still made him nervous. _I really hope I was wrong when I told Mical that Jedi robes were chick magnets._ "You're not going to stun me, are you?" he enquired with narrow eyes.

"No, sweetie," she replied sarcastically. "I only save that for guys I'm actually interested in."

"Good. Cause no offense, but I never trust a woman who can fire a blaster. I _especially_ don't trust a woman who can fire a blaster _well_."

Atton had begun walking away when Mira commented, "So… you must be happy now… you'll get to join their little meditation circle; no more standing on the sidelines and gawking for you."

Atton stopped, turned, and glared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you and your meditation envy. I saw you a few days ago, spying on Jena and Mical."

"Spy… I wasn't _spying_," said Atton, trying to laugh it off. He hadn't thought anyone had noticed him.

Mira shrugged. "You can call it what you want. _I_ call it spying and gawking. Anyway, I want you to just cut it out."

"Cut what out?"

"Gawking at Jena."

"Jena! I don't… Gawking?" said Atton a little incoherently, desperately trying to think of a way to cover up his tracks as color rushed up to his face; he didn't fool Mira.

"See, this is _exactly_ what I'm talking about. Don't you think she's got enough to deal with already?"

"Of course I… I mean… I don't really know what you mean."

"Don't give me that. You know exactly what I mean. I've seen you… the way you watch her constantly… leer at her… always try to be near her… I may not have been around for very long, but it's really hard not to notice."

"Have you ever stopped to consider the fact that maybe you're just crazy and hallucinating?"

Mira shrugged. "I'm just telling you what I've noticed. And well, _everybody_ noticed your little outburst the other day when Jena was trapped on Goto's yacht…"

Atton sounded exasperated. "Oh, for… I was _worried_. Perhaps this is a concept you're not familiar with. And are you actually going somewhere with this?"

"As a matter of fact I am. Look, I know you're all smitten with Jena and all, and hey, if you were different people in a different situation, we wouldn't be having this conversation… mostly because frankly, if I had a choice, I'd steer clear of you, because I just don't trust you; you've got a weird vibe about you. But the fact remains – she's got enough going on. So just stop watching her."

"Who are you to—"

"Hey, I'm just looking out for her best interest. And if you care about her as much as you claim to…"

"Hey, I'm not claim—"

"…Then you'll be looking out for her best interest too."

Atton glared at Mira. "I don't have to listen to this," he said abruptly, exiting the room. _How is this any of her business? I'm not doing anything at all to Jena anyway. She only sees me as a friend. So what if I watch her?_ He scoffed at Mira's warnings and started searching the ship for Jena. After walking past the unimpressed Kreia, he found her talking to Mical, giving him a quick rundown of what she would be doing at the Jedi Enclave. Mical turned a rather bright shade of pink when he saw Atton "Jedified". He immediately regained his composure and acted as though nothing was wrong.

"Oh, good. You're here," said Jena, noticing Atton. Atton got the queer impression that he was turning every bit as pink as Mical had. "I was just telling Mical about what I was going to do here… I'll be stepping off the ship with Kreia and you." Atton turned an even darker shade of pink. He looked pleased. "Yes," she smiled at him. "I figured you'd probably had enough of staying on the ship for a while. Plus you could probably use some practice with that lightsaber. We'll likely run into some kinrath or something along the way. We'll head to the Jedi Enclave and meet with Master Vrook, Master Kavar and Master Zez-Kai Ell. Don't take it personally if they – and by 'they', I mostly mean Vrook – tell you off and say they want to speak to me alone. They're Jedi Masters – they're weird that way. But then you don't like Jedi, so that shouldn't surprise you too much." She smirked, thinking of the irony that Atton should be standing before her in Jedi robes, when he had never made his dislike for all things Jedi much of a secret. The irony was lost on Atton, who dimly wondered why she was smirking. "Should be a pretty straight-forward task… I just have questions to ask them. What we do after that will probably depend on what they tell me, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Any questions? No? All right, let me round up Kreia, and let's move out." She took a few steps out of the room, stopped and glanced back at Atton with a coquettish smile. "Nice look, by the way." As Atton followed her out, his thoughts drastically deviated from the task at hand.

Kreia was accordingly rounded up and the three stepped off the _Ebon Hawk_ minutes later. Kreia seemed anything but pleased over being in the presence of this new padawan; but for once, she kept her counsel and contented herself with periodically making cutting remarks about Atton's fighting style when they encountered hostile life forms.

When the Jedi Enclave came into view, Atton reflected he had rarely seen a building in a sorrier state of disrepair, but said nothing. After all, the Sith had been responsible for the Enclave's destruction, and as he at one time had fought alongside the Sith, he felt he had a share in that responsibility.

"I wonder if this entrance is… ah-hah! It is unlocked this time!" exclaimed Jena triumphantly, briskly opening the door before Atton – getting a bad feeling about the whole thing – had the chance to stop her. "The Masters must already be here!" she added blithely, making her way inside. Atton cautiously followed her, wishing he could feel so confident about stepping into the abandoned building; the place looked like it was getting ready to crumble down right on their heads! He started to wonder if it was a trap, if the Jedi were really trying to kill Jena by having this abandoned building cave down on her. _Well, this is certainly interesting… I'm concerned that the building might cave down on her, but not that it might cave down on me – and I'm standing right next to her. This is definitely a first – worrying about someone else more than myself._ He smirked. _Atton Rand, you surprise me._

The stepped into an open area that may have been nice once, but which was now overgrown with various plants and had turned into a home for small fauna. Kreia took a seat somewhere and told Jena to go on without her, that she was tired. _Well, that's certainly strange… why would she bother going all this way if she's not going to even attempt to meet with the Jedi?_

"Whatever it is you're going to hear, it is for your ears alone," Kreia explained to Jena. Was she looking at him when she said that? It was always hard to tell with Kreia. Whether or not that was the case, Atton chose to ignore her would-be significant look. There was no way he'd let Jena go in there alone.

Leaving Kreia behind, Atton and Jena moved on further into the Enclave. He kept close to her, his hand hovering over his lightsaber, as his "bad feeling" had not yet subsided. They stepped into a – for lack of a better word – room. A room it had definitely once been, but its ceiling had collapsed and plants growing in it had become so overgrown that it almost looked like a field. Three men in robes stood around waiting. Jena grinned in recognition as she walked up to them, flanked by Atton. _I'm not about to leave her alone with these three. They exiled her once… who knows what they could do to her now._ He stood beside her in a protective stance. Vrook smiled half-indulgently, half-patronizingly at Atton.

"There is no need to be so protective of her. Do not worry; we will not harm her. And now we would wish to speak to the Exile alone."

"I'm not leaving Jena alone with you three," grumbled Atton defiantly.

"Atton," said Jena kindly, but authoritatively. "It's okay."

Shooting a black look at the Jedi, Atton obediently turned and walked away.

"I see you still inspire allegiance in your troops," he heard Master Vrook comment.

"I see you still have trouble differentiating blind allegiance and friendship," Jena replied. Atton smiled as he turned around the corner. At least she wasn't going to let them push her around.

_Well, here I am out of the loop again… At least this time the odds of missing out on Jena in a dancer's outfit are pretty slim… unless the Jedi have relaxed their dress codes since last time I checked…But I swear, if they as much as touch a hair on her head…_ Atton wasn't exactly sure what he could possibly do against three master Jedi, but he didn't really care. He decided he'd do as Jena had requested, and stay away… but he wasn't going to go far.

Atton headed back toward the area where Kreia had remained. She was still sitting in the same spot. Not wishing to be subjected to any more of her stinging remarks, he kept his distance from her, standing in the shadows, and waited for Jena to come back. A few minutes passed, and still no Jena. Atton grew impatient. What were they doing in there? He frowned as his apprehension intensified. Then, all of a sudden, he saw Kreia walk quickly and resolutely toward the area where he had left behind Jena and the Jedi. He hesitated for a moment, and slowly followed her from afar. There was something wrong. There had to be. As weird and cryptic as Kreia was, she would not have simply decided to go look for Jena, especially not after telling her she'd stay behind. Plus she did have that bond with Jena. She knew… things. Had something happened to Jena? Atton's concern grew as he quickened his pace. He arrived only to see a great flash of orange lightning across the room with no ceiling. He barely had the time to duck out of the way. _What was…? What's going on? What have they done to her?_

At that moment, he heard noise coming up behind him – footsteps, many of them. He instinctively slipped out of sight and into the shadows again. He watched several of Atris' handmaidens walk past… and come right back again accompanied by Kreia. _What happened? Where's Jena?_ The minute they had disappeared from view, he darted back into the room. The scene his eyes beheld made his heart stand still. The three Jedi lay on the grass, seemingly dead. Yes, they were dead; he felt sure of it. And on the grass not far from them, rested what looked like a heap of brown fabric that fluttered in the wind.

"JENA!" he shouted desperately, running to her. He knelt down by her side and pulled her head up on his lap. He held her head with one hand, and with the other brushed the hair from her face gently. _She's not… she's not…Please, Jena, don't be…_ A light groan escaped Jena's throat. Atton couldn't describe the relief he felt as he heard that sound.

"Jena… Jena?" he said softly, holding her closer. She groaned again and moved her hand slightly. He bent his head and gently pressed his lips against her forehead, so thankful that she was still alive…

* * *

_Author's Notes:_ This chapter was originally written as chapter 8... When I added that extra pazaak stuff in the chapter, it pretty well doubled the length of the chapter, so I thought I'd split it in half... but as the final version of chapter 8 was pretty uneventful from a plotline point of view, I thought I'd post chapter 9 right away as well. :)


	10. Revelations

**Chapter 10 – Revelations**

"A-Atton?" Jena had started opening her eyes, but all she could see was a blurry silhouette bending over her.

"Shhhhh," soothed Atton. "You were knocked unconscious. I'm not sure what happened. I… I'm sorry I wasn't there." Jena could sense the guilt in his voice.

"It's okay…" She tried to smile. "I feel so weak. I just wish I knew…" She paused and remembered. "Kreia. Kreia! She… she killed the Jedi… She…" Jena looked horrified.

"Hey… hey… don't you worry about that right now… let's focus on getting you better first… _Wait. Did Kreia attack you too?_" Fury flashed in his eyes.

"No… no… Kreia… saved me. I think. The… Master Vrook… and Zez-Kai Ell and Kavar… Kavar! My… my _friend_… They re-exiled me… they tried… they were going to cut me from the Force."

"Cut you from the Force?" repeated Atton incredulously. "But why?" _'We will not harm her' he said… I guess it's my fault for believing him – for forgetting that Jedi lie._ Anger continued to swell up within him.

"Wound… in the Force… I… Atton, we have to get back to the ship." She wobbly attempted to stand up.

"Oh! Hey… hey!" he said, forgetting his rage and flying to her rescue to help her keep her balance. "One step at a time… You're not going to be any good to the galaxy if you stand up, then kill yourself by falling face down on a rock. Are you sure you can even walk yet?"

"I… have to," she replied feebly.

He exhaled, determined. "All right, well, you're going to have to let me help you, then. There's no way you can make it to the ship by yourself… not in the state you're in. Here. Put your arm around my shoulders…" He frowned. "Wait… that's not gonna work. I'm too tall for you." _This girl has got to be the shortest Jedi I've ever met. Yet somehow, she could still kick my ass any day. I'll bet the idea of having to depend on me is driving her crazy right now._ "Just… just put your arm around my waist. There. All right, now you just lean on me and walk slowly." He carefully wrapped his arm around her to help her keep her balance. They took a few steps and Jena almost fell over.

"Okay, this is clearly not going to work," commented Atton, slightly provoked. "I'm going to have to carry you."

"_Carry_ me?" she said blankly, a slight tinge returning to her pale cheeks.

"Sure. You're light as a feather, I'm sure. Why, do you have any better suggestions?"

"I… I suppose not…" she said, laughing a little.

"Well, then let me carry you," responded Atton, glad that she was beginning to be herself again. He put one arm behind her back, the other behind her knees, and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders to hold herself up. His heart started beating a little faster. Inopportune thoughts began racing through his mind again. _Dammit, why can't I do a simple thing for her without thinking about what I'd like to do _to _her?_ He scowled, angry with himself, fully aware of how aroused he was becoming. _I don't understand why she has this effect on me. I really don't._ She leaned her head down on his shoulder. He could feel her breath up against his neck. He closed his eyes and gasped.

"Are you sure this is okay? Am I too heavy?" enquired Jena, noticing Atton looking somewhat uncomfortable and misinterpreting the cause of his discomfort.

"No, it's fine… Like I said… light as a feather. Just… uh… just let me know when you start feeling better, okay?" _Damn, she smells good…I have to stop thinking about this right now. But how am I supposed to do that when I've got my hands all over her?_

He tried to avoid her eyes as best he could and stared right in front of him, carrying her a little while longer in silence, desperately trying to count cards in his head – and for the most part, failing miserably at it. He happened to turn and glance at her at some point, and their eyes locked. It dawned on him that she looked almost as awkward as he felt.

"I… I think I can walk now," she said hesitantly, looking away in an attempt to conceal the fact that she was blushing.

Atton felt almost relieved. "Are you sure?" he asked politely.

"Yes, I think so. Put me down, I'll give it a shot."

Accordingly, Atton helped her back down onto the ground. She took a few tentative steps. "Yes, I think I'll be okay."

"All right, well, I'll be right next to you, so lean on me if you think you're going to fall," he said, breathing a little bit more easily. He still felt the urge to put his arm around her to ensure she didn't buckle down, but he wasn't sure if it was such a good idea. His hand hovered around her shoulder for a moment, but he finally pulled it away after much hesitation. A moment passed, and upon seeing how well Jena could walk unassisted, he decided it was probably for the best he hadn't tried to help any further. _I really need to stop touching her right now._

Around that point, the _Ebon Hawk_ came into view. Atton drew a sigh of relief. However, as he and Jena walked up the loading ramp, they couldn't help but notice how… still the ship seemed. Nobody was walking around; nobody was talking. Atton and Jena looked at each other with apprehension.

"Mical!" called out Atton into the void. "Jena needs your help!" Nothing. _Well, if that doesn't bring him running to the loading ramp, he's either not here or dead._

"What's wrong? Where is everybody?" asked Jena pointlessly. She walked past Atton and started calling out. "Mical?" _Of course, that _would _be the first name she calls out…_ "Mira? T3?" They walked through the main hold, looking in every nook and cranny for any sign of life. There was none. Jena made her way to the medical room, where she and Atton finally found Mical on the floor, seemingly struggling to get up off the floor. Alarmed, Jena ran to his side to help. "Mical! What happened?"

"Jena! You're safe! Thank the Force… When those handmaidens came running in looking for Kreia…"

"Handmaidens? What are you talking about?"

Atton coughed uncomfortably. "Sorry, I forgot to tell you… I was too concerned with keeping you conscious. Some of Atris' handmaidens ran into the Enclave and left again with Kreia."

"Kreia? But why?"

"They know who she is now," replied Mical.

"What do you mean, 'who'? Where are they taking her?"

"To Telos," continued Mical. "To Atris. And Atris will do to her the same as she would do to anyone else she thinks is a Sith."

"A _Sith_?" asked Jena, incredulous.

"Are you really that surprised?" asked Atton grimly. "All she ever talked about was hatred and using people… it doesn't really get more Sith than that." _And I should know…_

"But… but… Atris will _kill_ her!" exclaimed Jena. "Kreia and I are linked! If she dies…"

"I know…" muttered Atton. He felt a strong urge to take her up in his arms to comfort her, but he did not move. _I'm pretty sure there's been enough of that today… besides… with Mical right there, it makes things at tad awkward._ He stifled an inappropriate chuckle when depicting Mical's would-be reaction, were he to suddenly embrace Jena before him.

"Then we have to go to Telos!" exclaimed Mical.

"Well, of _course_ we have to go to Telos, tach-brain!" Atton said impatiently, walking toward the cockpit.

They immediately left Dantooine, and the course was set. As soon as they were in hyperspace, Atton put T3 in charge of piloting. He wanted to check on Jena, to see if she was all right. After all, she had a lot to deal with right then. She might want somebody to talk to, and he wanted to be that somebody. He searched the ship for her. She didn't seem to be in any of the usual places. Suddenly, it dawned on him: Kreia's room; or rather, the portside dormitory, which Kreia had basically taken over. As he approached the room, he thought he heard voices coming from it. Jena's… and Mical's. Taken aback, he stopped dead in his tracks and debated whether he should still barge in or turn around and talk to Jena later. He took a few stealthy steps toward them, and saw them sitting on one of the beds side by side, but they did not notice him.

"But they said that I'm a wound in the Force… that I form connections through the Force, and that is why people follow me to their deaths," she said almost desperately.

"That is ridiculous," said Mical. "They only said that because they don't understand you… don't know you. Not like I do." He put his arm around her shoulders and Jena smiled wistfully at him.

Atton suddenly got the distinct impression that he had not business being there. He turned around before he had the chance to hear any more. As he turned, he almost walked right into Mira.

"Shut up," he said gruffly as he passed by her, before she had the chance to speak.

* * *

Telos was approaching. Atton sat dejectedly in the cockpit, having rudely relieved T3 of his piloting duties. He needed to be alone, and he especially did not seek the company of a droid. 

_Well, this is great… I've been such an idiot. What else is new?_ Mical's words had been harmless enough, but he had spoken in such a meaningful way. _'Not like I do'… What the hell did that mean, anyway? Did he mean…? And the way he touched her…_ He felt a slight pang of jealousy over the recollection. _How could I not see it before? I knew he had a thing for her but I never thought that she might…_He sighed heavily. _I feel like such a…_ He laughed cynically. _Well, a fool. Here I am, fearing for her life and carrying her all the way back to the flaming ship, and all that time, she was just falling for him. Well, enough of this. I'll stick around until my job here is done, then I'll just get lost on Nar Shaddaa again. It's much easier this way anyway. Women are nuts._

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a presence in the cockpit.

"This better not be about her, Mira," he warned, not bothering to turn around.

"Well, it is."

"Look," he said, turning to face her. "You win. I'm backing off. I won't be in her hair again. She can have her Mical and her Jedi babies."

"Jedi babies?" Mira looked confused.

"Never mind. Like I said, I won't be anywhere near her again, I promise."

Mira looked at Atton curiously. "Atton, she doesn't care about Mical. Well, not in the way you think."

"Oh yeah? And how do you know?" replied Atton, frowning and turning around again to focus his attention to the control panel and begin landing procedures.

"Because it's obvious. Just as it's obvious that you're in love with her."

The ship gave a jolt, and Mira desperately grasped for something, anything that would prevent her from falling should Atton have any further shocks. She quickly reached for the copilot seat and sat down.

"What are you talking about?" blared Atton, struggling to regain control of the ship. "I'm not in love with her!"

The ship steadied itself and Mira drew a sigh of relief. She regained her composure and turned to Atton again.

"Aren't you?" she asked rhetorically.

Atton said nothing. Mira's eyes dropped and she stared at her hands. "Look, she told me how you took care of her on Dantooine… and carried her back to the ship. That was… good of you." She sounded as though uttering those words pained her. "I don't know, maybe I was wrong about you." Atton remained silent, dumbfounded.

Mira got up and started walking away, but before she disappeared from view, she added, "Mical's not with her anymore… in case you're interested."

Atton sat still for a moment. Was this the same Mira who had told him to stop _looking_ at Jena? "I was right," he muttered as he landed the _Ebon Hawk_ on Telos. "Women are nuts."

Atton sat still for a few minutes after landing; he was debating what he should do. _I mean, sure, Mira thinks I should go see her, but does Jena want me to? And why did Mira tell me to go see her anyway? So I can tell her how I feel? What would be the point?_ He paused and pondered. _She said she doesn't care about Mical in that way. Why would she tell me that, unless… _Understanding slowly crept over his face. _Unless she thinks… unless she thinks… No, that can't be it… Jena couldn't possibly… I mean, me? Maybe I should see her… maybe I should tell her…_ He deliberated for a moment. _The hell with it. I'm going to see her. She has to know… She deserves to know…_ He got up and walked pressingly into the main hold. He looked around, expecting to see Jena come out of hiding. She didn't. He grew slightly concerned, because when they had left Dantooine, she had seemed in quite a hurry to get to Telos. He assumed she was still in the portside dormitory and decided to go look for her. All that greeted him was an empty room. Nonplussed, he turned back and started searching the ship. He walked by the medical room and saw Mical sitting there, rather dejectedly. He hesitated for an instant.

"Where's Jena?" he finally forced himself to ask.

Mical looked up at Atton slowly, having just noticed that he was there. He exhaled deeply.

"She left," he answered dully.


	11. Citadel Station

**Chapter 11 – Citadel Station**

"Left?" repeated Atton, bewildered. "What do you mean, left?"

"I mean she left. She's gone. She went to face Atris."

Had he really stayed in the cockpit for that long? Hadn't they just landed? "But who… who went with her?"

"No one," replied Mical grimly, walking away toward the main hold. "She went alone."

"_Alone_?" cried Atton, running after him. "You let her go alone? What were you thinking?"

"Well, I couldn't exactly stop her," protested Mical. "I begged her not to go alone, but she did."

Atton stared. _Alone? What if… what if they gang up on her? What if…_ He shook his head. There was no point in worrying now… She left – _alone_ – and there was nothing to do now _but_ wait. He couldn't possibly just go after her; she might resent him, or worse, he might endanger her somehow by distracting her. No… there was nothing he could do but wait now. Besides, she was a Jedi; she'd gotten out of worse situations… He hoped. He shook his head in disbelief. How was he supposed to keep her safe, to save her, if she kept running off alone like that?

He looked around, feeling somewhat self-conscious, like a thousand eyes were on him. There may not have been a thousand, but there were indeed eight, as Mical, Mira, Bao-Dur and Mandalore, all standing in the main hold, were studying him closely, as though they were waiting to see what he would do. _I bet they're expecting me to run off after her. Well, I'm not giving them that satisfaction again. I'm through making an ass of myself in front of these people. I'm just going to wait patiently right here._ His eyes met theirs. With a smug look, he asked, "Are you guys going to just stand around like caged banthas waiting for her? She's a big girl. She'll be fine." As Mical and Atton watched the other three shrug and walk away, Atton wished he could believe his own words. The two men glanced at each other, and when their eyes locked, realized for the first time that they were both thinking the same thing. Atton was the first to turn away.

"So… guess we wait," he said nonchalantly.

"I suppose so," replied Mical every bit as nonchalantly.

There was an uncomfortable silence, as both stood silently for a moment. _Why are we pretending that this doesn't bother us, when we both know what the other is thinking? _Mical finally turned and sat down in a corner of the main hold, staring at the floor. Atton didn't move. _Well, this is awkward… why doesn't one of us leave?_ He glared at Mical, frowning. The young man had started polishing the hilt of his lightsaber with his robe. _Well, I'm not leaving. Why doesn't _he _leave?_ Atton started pacing a little… He suddenly stopped and sat down in the middle of the main hold floor, pulling out his pazaak deck. _This'll keep my mind off things._ He had started to lay cards out in front of him one at a time, when suddenly he got the impression he was being watched. He raised his head. Mical was staring at him. The latter, realizing he had been caught, hesitantly stammered, "Would you mind… would you mind teaching me how to play?"

"Teaching… Wait, you don't know how to play pazaak?"

"No." _Why does that not surprise me?_

Atton silently picked his cards up off the floor, and Mical, taking his gesture as a yes, got up and sat back down across from him. _Well, if nothing else, this'll be an easy way to score some credits._ Atton taught Mical the basics, and they played a few hands, all won by Atton. Atton, who had time and time again let Jena win when they had played together, was quite merciless with Mical. Yet Mical was not giving up. _Probably because he's got nothing better to do. Like me._ Atton chuckled to himself and let his mind wander. _If only Jena would see us now… I think she'd still have problems believing it even if she saw it. Hell, even I'm finding it hard to believe. I can't imagine how this kid had never learned how to play pazaak before. My grandmother knew how to play pazaak. Just what do they teach these people in those Jedi academies? Just what… just what…_ He frowned. _Just what was she thinking going off alone like this?_

Atton suddenly realized he hadn't been paying close attention to the game and glanced down to the floor in front of him. He was out of cards, and his side added up to twenty-seven.

"Did I… Wait, did you just _win_?" he asked Mical incredulously, his jaw dropping.

Mical glanced down at the cards and smiled proudly. "Yes, I suppose I did." Thinking things not lawful to be uttered, Atton shut his mouth with a snap, and without a word, picked up the cards and dealt again.

_This woman is going to be the death of you, Rand, I swear.

* * *

_

By the time Jena finally came back, Mical had defeated Atton at pazaak a total of four times, and Atton had progressed from cursing inwardly to outright telling him off with words Mical wasn't completely sure he understood. Atton had just put his pazaak deck away in sheer disgust when Jena stepped onto the ship – or rather _ran_ onto the ship. She didn't bother giving anyone any details of what had transpired. She came bursting into the main hold, and spotting Atton across the room, ordered, "We need to go to Citadel Station. Now."

"Whoa, whoa… hold on a second," objected Atton. "What happened in there?"

"Atton, there's no time! The Sith are coming! I… I brought them here. They're going to attack. We have to go! Now!"

Atton got up immediately. _Whatever you were going to tell her before, it'll have to wait… She's in no condition to hear you out right now anyway. Hell, she's looking as though she wouldn't be above ripping off one of your limbs and beating you with it if you don't do what she says right now._ He raced to the cockpit and the _Ebon Hawk_ lifted off. A few minutes after takeoff, as he was steering the ship, he vaguely sensed a fleeting presence behind him. He quickly peered over his shoulder, and Jena stood behind him. _Wow, that's a first… She usually sneaks right up on me._ "You shouldn't have gone alone," he said reproachfully, returning his attention to the control panel.

"Yes, that's what Mical told me," she responded curtly.

"Oh yeah? Well, Mical was right," he said, frowning.

A peal of unexpected laughter exploded from behind him.

"What?" he demanded, genuinely confused. _Damn crazy women… yelling, ordering me around, then laughing…I should just give up trying to figure them out. I really should._

"I'm sorry, I just hallucinated," she said, laughing still. "Did I just hear you agree with Mical?"

"Hey," protested Atton. "It's not like it's the first time!"

Jena said nothing, but he could feel her mocking eyes burning the back of his head. He smiled a little.

"Well, okay," he admitted. "It was the second time. And you weren't around for the first. But still – the mere fact that we actually agree on this should tell you that maybe you shouldn't have gone alone."

She walked up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. "I'm sorry if I worried you," she said simply.

Atton suddenly became very aware that he _had_ shoulders. The simple physical contact caused Atton's heart to start racing in his chest. Thoughts flashed through his mind… thoughts he probably shouldn't have been focusing on when trying to fly a ship. He expected her to take her hands away, but she simply left them there. He held his breath. This was a good time… with all that was going on, he would probably never get a better occasion to tell her… to tell her…

He opened his mouth…

Citadel Station came into view.

"Oh good, we're here!" exclaimed Jena, letting go of his shoulders. He cursed inwardly. "As soon as we land, Lieutenant Grenn will want to speak to us, I'm sure…" She peered out the window in apprehension. "The Sith have already arrived…" she added drearily.

As Jena had predicted, Lieutenant Grenn greeted them immediately upon landing at Citadel Station. Mandalore made some comment to Jena about rounding up his troops and disappeared. Jena immediately got pulled into a meeting, and Atton, still cursing at himself, followed her, not about to let her go off alone again. A fleet of warships had dropped out of hyperspace and attacked Telos; Sith troops had arrived and were threatening to sabotage Citadel Station's fuel system. There were some reinforcements on the way, sent by Queen Talia of Onderon, but it would be a while before they arrived. Atton started reflecting that if any more information got thrown at him, he wouldn't be able to remember it all.

"So… let me get this straight," he summarized. "You want us to fight our way through a bunch of Sith to the Entertainment module…"

"And then we'll have to make our way to the docking shuttle so we can get to the _Ravager_," interrupted Jena. She then added strangely and suddenly, "There is someone there I have yet to meet…"

Atton, unperturbed by her cryptic Jedi talk, turned to Grenn and asked sarcastically, "Does that mean you're not going to put us in force cages again?"

Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, Jena grabbed Atton by the sleeve and pulled him away.

Jena and Atton ran into a lot of Sith on the way, but they had no serious problem getting through them. _I'm getting the hang of this lightsaber thing… I mean, it's no heavy blaster, but…_ he threw his lightsaber at a Sith standing a few meters away from him, and it destroyed the Sith's rifle before returning to his hand. Atton grinned. _Well, even I have to admit that's pretty cool._

When they finally arrived at the docking shuttle, Mandalore was waiting for them along with two Mandalorians. Atton frowned. _How did they get there so fast?_ Mandalore immediately informed Jena that he and his Mandalorians would join her, as he felt that the Republic soldiers would do her no good on the Ravager. Atton opened his mouth, but was interrupted before he had a chance to speak.

Visas had arrived at the scene, seemingly out of nowhere. _Oh sure… where were you earlier when we were slaughtering Sith and we could have used your help? Pretty easy to come running now that the path is clear._ "You will not face this alone," she told Jena. "I will go with you and fight by your side."

Jena looked pleased. "Yes, I expected you might say that, considering… well, the circumstances. Very well. Just stay close to me."

Mandalore turned to Atton. "There won't be any room for you on the shuttle. You'll have to wait here for us to return from the _Ravager_."

"What? No!" objected Atton. "I'm going with you, and that's final!"

"Atton, there's… there's not enough room for all… I'll be fine… Visas and Mandalore will help me." Jena smiled. "They'll protect me. I'll be right back. Don't you worry; you're not getting rid of me _that_ easy."

_But I'm the one who's supposed to protect you. To save you._

Mandalore and Visas had turned and started walking to the shuttle. "If either one of you returns without her," he threatened, "you'll have to answer to me."

"I will either return with her, or not at all," vowed Mandalore.

Atton turned to Jena and pleaded with her. "Listen, Jena, I'm just… I don't have a very good feeling about this."

She smiled. "Are you sure you're not just saying that in an effort to make me decide to bring you with me?"

"I'm not!" he protested. She raised an eyebrow; his gaze dropped. "Well, okay, maybe a _little_… but I do really have a bad feeling."

She smiled again at Atton, and quickly peered over her shoulder. Visas and the Mandalorians were making their way into the shuttle and seemed to all have their backs to them. She stepped toward him and stood on the tip of her toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'll be careful. I promise," she said earnestly, clasping his hand briefly. Letting go, she quickly turned around and walked toward the shuttle – as Atton watched her, still in shock. Mandalore was staring at her in a way that could probably have been described as curious had there not been a helmet concealing his eyes.

"What?" she asked bluntly.

"Nothing. I was just wondering what it was about female Jedi and their pilots."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you and Atton, and Rev—well, never mind."

"Me and Atton? There's nothing going on with—"

"Save it. You may not be able to see my eyes behind this helmet, but that doesn't mean I'm blind. I've seen it before. _They_ also denied it for a very long time, but it was so obvious. Honestly, their flirting was getting a little sickening at times." He snorted. "A Republic soldier… a flyboy… she could have done so much better than him. As could _you_, for that matter. This pilot of yours…" He shook his head in disbelief. It was quite clear what he thought of that pilot of hers.

"Who are the other people you're talking about, Mandalore?" asked Jena curiously, ignoring his last comment.

"What? Oh. No one of importance…"

They then entered the shuttle together and Atton watched it disappear. He slowly lifted his hand up to his cheek, and with the tip of his fingers lightly touched the spot where her lips had been. He frowned slightly, then lowered his hand again, turned, and walked away.


	12. Crash

**Chapter 12 – Crash**

"They're back!" announced Mira, quickly poking her head through the door to the reception area of the Ithorian Compound.

Atton closed his eyes and felt his heart start to beat again as he sighed in relief. He knew that Jena had been in great danger. He had felt it… the disturbance in the Force. He had also felt it change… something had happened on that ship, but he did not know quite what. He laughed at himself nervously. _Here I am thinking about 'disturbances in the Force'… I must really be turning into a Jedi. Next thing you'll know I'll be spouting out nonsensical cryptic sentences. If that happens, I'm getting Mira to feed me one of her grenades. We all know she's been dying to ever since she first laid eyes on me anyway._

The door opened wide and Atton got up anxiously. Lieutenant Grenn walked in, followed by Jena. Atton took a hesitant step toward her; but Grenn had already whisked her into the main room, and closed the door behind her.

"What's this? What's going on?" demanded Atton hotly. "Hasn't she done enough for you people?"

"Admiral Onasi wished to see the Exile," explained Grenn.

Atton furrowed his brow. Onasi… he felt pretty sure they had come across that name when they were aboard the _Harbinger_ while on Peragus. "Was that an order or a request?"

Grenn glanced at him oddly. "That's funny," he said. "That's exactly what she asked. It was a request. It would seem they have a mutual acquaintance he wished to discuss with her."

"Oh." He flopped back down on the chair that was closest to the door behind which Jena had disappeared. A few minutes passed, and still no sign of Jena. _What do they have to talk about that's taking so long? If they're just talking about a mutual acquaintance, I don't see why it would have to take this much time. I wonder if they actually know each other._

His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened again. He looked up and saw Jena walk out. He glanced behind her and suspiciously eyed the handsome admiral, still standing by the window.

"What did he want?" he asked with the slightest note of jealousy in his voice, as they walked away together.

"He had a message for someone," she replied softly.

"Someone?"

"Someone," she replied briefly.

"Revan?" he enquired again, not entirely sure how he knew this.

She shot him a scrutinizing glance, but only said, "Yes, Revan." The finality of her tone indicated the matter closed. _I thought Revan went beyond the Outer Rim, to the Unknown Regions… How could Jena possibly give her a message?_ He started getting an odd feeling at the pit of his stomach. What _was_ Jena planning on doing after all this was over? He decided to banish these thoughts from his mind and to concentrate on the present instead.

"So what happens now?" he wondered aloud.

"Now, we go to Malachor V."

"Malachor V!" exclaimed Atton. "But… there's nothing there… the planet is…"

"Dead. Yes, I know." Her tone was very short.

Atton mentally kicked himself. _Of course she would know this… Way to open up old wounds, genius._ Refusing to say any more, lest he mess up again, he simply looked away from her and stared at the ground as he walked, wondering why they had to go to Malachor.

"Because that's where Kreia is."

Atton quickly looked up. He hadn't asked the question… _had_ he? No, he was quite certain he hadn't. Then how…? He suddenly remembered what she had told him on Dantooine about being able to read him easily. _That must be it, then. She guessed that's what I'd be thinking. This seems to be happening more and more, though._ He frowned. This was not necessarily a good thing.

* * *

"So… Malachor, huh?" commented Mira as she sat down on the copilot seat, one leg tucked under her. 

"Yup," replied Atton.

"I wonder why Kreia chose to go there…"

"Why does any Jedi do anything?" He shrugged. "I'm sure she has her weird cryptic reason for it. And Jena's not about to tell us anything, so all we can do is just keep on trucking and follow orders when we get them."

"I thought maybe she might have told you…"

"Why would she have told me? I'm as ignorant as the rest of you. You should try Mical. She talks to him a lot more than to the rest of us."

"Are you still on that?" she asked, smirking slightly.

"Am I still on what? I'm not _on_ anything. I was just making an observation. She talks to Mical more. It's a fact, not a paranoid delusion. It's not like she has a choice, he's always hounding her with questions."

Mira laughed. "Yeah, that certainly is true… he might be easy on the eyes, but he talks like a roomful of Jedi."

_Easy on the eyes? He's got teeth like a Gamorrean._

"So you told her, then?" she added significantly.

"Told her what?" he asked gruffly. "I haven't had the chance to give her the time of day since Dantooine. She's been too busy saving the galaxy." His voice had a slightly bitter intonation.

"You really should…"

"No, I really shouldn't," he interrupted. "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I do. I don't really understand _why_ you changed your mind about me, but I have to say, you were probably right before. She has enough to deal with without me hanging off her everywhere she goes. I think I realized that when she left to board the _Ravager_."

Mira squeezed her eyebrows together. "But… she kissed you."

"What?" asked Atton, bewildered. _How does she know that? Did that droid…?_ Atton wrathfully started imagining all the different ways he could dismantle T3.

"Before she boarded the shuttle to go onto the _Ravager_. Visas saw you. She told me Jena kissed you."

Atton drew a sigh of relief. "Oh – _that_ kiss." Then hoping Mira wouldn't catch on and ask what other kiss he may have been alluding to, he quickly added, "Yeah… it was just a kiss on the cheek… That's actually what made me realize how much of a distraction I was becoming. I mean, when they decided I wasn't going to go with her, I… I freaked out. Tried to make her bring me with her, against her better judgment. I probably would've done nothing but get in their way if she had. I don't know, ever since I met her I've been focused on wanting to save her… but now I started thinking that saving her might not have to mean rescuing the damsel in distress. Maybe there's something else that I can do to save her. I don't know what… but something." He sighed. "I figure the Force will guide…" He stopped. _Okay, I'm _this _close to asking her for that grenade right now._ He shook his head. "Anyway, she's better off without me constantly in her hair. So I'm backing off."

Mira looked at Atton sympathetically for a moment. "You know you're doing the right thing, right?"

"Yeah, I know," he replied briefly. He paused, and then laughed bitterly. "'The right thing'… I don't know if I've ever done the right thing before in my life. Must be all part of my redemption or something."

"Your redemption?" enquired Mira quizzically.

"Nothing you need to know," he rebuked roughly.

She sat silently for a few minutes, staring in front of her uncomfortably. He focused his attention back to the control panel. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out her side deck.

"Wanna play some pazaak?" she asked, flashing her cards under his nose.

"I thought you'd never ask!" he grumbled gratefully.

* * *

Malachor V came into view. Atton glanced out the window and shuddered. _That is one scary looking planet._ He frowned. Where was he supposed to land? The surface was entirely too damaged. There didn't appear to be any sufficiently large areas for the ship, and this electrical storm around him certainly didn't help matters any. The ship started wobbling. 

"You guys might want to hold on to something! This landing's gonna be rough!" he called out to the others.

The controls were vibrating in his hands. _This is not good._ The planet on the horizon started to look like it was swinging back and forth, and did so faster and faster. The ship bumped up against a cliff once, then a second time. _This is definitely not good._

"Remember what I said about holding on to something? Yeah, you might want to consider strapping yourself to it!" he yelled over the alarm that had started ringing in the cockpit.

Suddenly there was a large jolt accompanied by a loud noise, and then Atton could feel nothing… nothing except something wet trickling down his forehead.

* * *

"Everybody alive?" enquired Atton as he hobbled out of the cockpit. He was greeted by a few groans coming from various parts of the ship. "I'll take that as a yes." 

"What the hell was that?" bellowed Mira, getting up and holding her ribcage. "Ouch!" she added under her breath.

"Well, that my dear was the sound of the _Ebon Hawk_ landing on Malachor V."

"So we've landed, then?"

Atton hesitated. "Well, yes and no… We are indeed _on_ Malachor V, but we somehow managed to get wedged between two cliffs. Damn electrical storm pushed us there. I was just about to make a smooth landing, too."

"Sure you were," growled Mandalore sarcastically. He had taken off his helmet and was massaging the top of his head. "So how solidly wedged are we?"

"Pretty damn solidly. I don't think we're going anywhere anytime soon. We'll have to figure something out."

Mical staggered out of the medical room, looking slightly dazed. "Atton, what…?"

"We're stuck. Between two cliffs. You might want to have a look at the crew, to make sure everybody's okay."

Mical stared at Atton's forehead.

"You yourself might need a bit of medical attention, Atton. That's quite a gash you've got on your forehead."

"Nah, I'm fine, just look after the others."

"No, really, you should let me at least bandage that up. You're dripping blood everywhere."

Atton shrugged and followed him into the medical room. Mical bandaged his head expertly. "Hopefully this won't leave a scar… It could be quite an ugly scar if it did."

Atton shrugged again. "Well, then the outside will match the inside. Is Jena okay?"

"I don't know… I only saw those of you who were in the main hold. I should make my way back now. I noticed Mira holding her side… I fear she may have some broken ribs."

The stepped back into the main hold and the entire crew had gathered.

"Irritated Statement: This landing was mediocre to say the least, even for a meatbag."

_Oh great. The assassination droid is irritated at me. Well, this day just keeps on getting better._

"Veiled Threat: You are lucky I seem to be missing the limb that is necessary to hold up a weapon, meatbag."

"Yeah, I guess I am. And your threat wasn't exactly all that veiled, by the way."

Bao-Dur's left arm had been damaged by the crash, but he got it working again fairly quickly, and immediately started fixing the various droids. T3 had landed on his head in the storage compartment, and Jena, who appeared to remain uninjured save for some bruises, was in the process of trying to flip him right side up, with Mandalore's help. Visa's sleeve was torn and she had a deep cut on her arm. GO-TO was nowhere to be found; he was later discovered in the hyperdrive room, on the floor, and was promptly repaired by Bao-Dur, who by that time was done working on the other droids.

The commotion slowly started to fade away. With everybody bandaged up as best they could, the crew then had to figure out what to do about getting off the ship… and off the planet! Atton and Bao-Dur proceeded to have a look around the ship to see what would need repairs. They returned to the main hold to discuss their findings.

"Well," announced Atton, "we've evaluated the situation, and like I said earlier, the ship is well jammed into those cliffs, which is actually kind of good, otherwise we'd probably be falling down a ravine right now. We're also resting on a chunk of cliff, but half the ship seems to be hanging over the edge. And we also made the pleasant discover that the hyperdrive is shot. It would still be possible to get off the ship by taking the lift, but I have to wonder why we'd want to do that. There's no point in getting off the ship, because we'd still have no way to get off the planet. There might be a way, if we fix the ship and I start up the engines, to manage to free ourselves… but we'd also risk dropping in a free fall. If that happened, I might be able to steer the ship so we can land without too much of a crash…"

"_Too_ much of a crash?" interrupted Mira.

"Hey, if you have a better idea, by all means, let's hear it."

Mira moodily kept silent.

"Good. Any other objections? Jena?" Atton looked around and frowned. "Wait… Where _is_ Jena?"


	13. Bonded

**Chapter 13 – Bonded**

"Why didn't any of you guys tell me she wasn't here?" demanded Atton angrily. "There's not really any point to talk about all this if she's not here."

The others all looked at each other.

"We… didn't realize she wasn't here either," said Mical tentatively.

"Oh come on, as if _you_ didn't notice she wasn't here."

"Is it any more difficult to believe than _you_ not noticing?" mused Mical.

Atton opened his mouth indignantly and then closed it again. _Him and his damn observations!_

"All right, well, you guys get back to… whatever it is you normally do," said Atton. "I'm gonna go find her. We'll regroup later after I tell her what the options are."

"More like 'option', singular," grumbled Mandalore.

"In the meanwhile, I will start having a look at that hyperdrive," said Bao-Dur.

"Dee-deet?"

"Yes, you can help too, T3."

The group dismantled and Atton started walking away. Where could she possibly be? If she had been anywhere near the main hold, she would have heard the conversation and joined in. She must be in…

"Kreia's room," he muttered, turning toward the port side of the ship.

He walked down the hall, and couldn't hear any sounds coming from the room. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe she wasn't there after all. He decided to pop his head in to check anyway, and when he did, he saw Jena with her hair down standing in the room, leaning up against the far wall, facing away from him and seemingly staring off into space. He casually started talking.

"Jena, we have to make a decision about what we're going to do… either we fix up the ship and try to jar it loose, or we can try and climb out, but I think that's a pretty stupid idea because then we'd all be stuck on Malachor with no way off. The others seem to agree that…"

He frowned and stopped talking, noticing she hadn't even turned to face him. He studied her profile more closely. He never saw her look so dejected before. And was that…? Yes, she was crying! Atton walked in silently and closed and locked the door behind him, so the others wouldn't see her like this. He figured she wouldn't want that – plus it wouldn't exactly be the best thing for morale. He struggled with what he should do. He wanted nothing more than to run over there and hold her close until her tears stopped, but he didn't know if he should. He didn't know if his attention would be welcome, and he also felt that by doing so, he might as well kiss his resolution to keep away from her goodbye. He chose not to do anything, and he just stood there stupidly, looking at her, helpless.

"It's Malachor… you're upset about being back here… You're worried… about facing her…" he said dully. "She's not Kreia, you know – not anymore… if she ever was." She finally turned and faced him. That look… that look she had in her eyes… He had never seen so much distress, so much agony look up at him from those eyes. It hurt him to look at them. "Hey… hey… it'll be all right… You know that, right?" he continued awkwardly, taking a few steps toward her. He took a deep breath, looked at her keenly, and all his resolve about not expressing his feelings went out the window. "Listen… I know you're thinking of facing her alone… Don't deny it; you can't fool _me_. I know. Don't go by yourself. You're not alone in this… I promise I'll be right there with you… I won't… I won't let you down. If you fall, I'll be right there to pick you back up. I will save you if it's the last thing I do. I promise…" His voice faltered.

She stood silently looking at him, tears streaming down her face, and she seemed so… vulnerable – she who had never looked vulnerable before. Her hair, which he had always seen tied back, was hanging loosely around her face and made her look so… human; so helpless. Atton, no longer able to resist the urge to take her up in his arms, rushed over to her, put one arm around her shoulders, and with the other hand, gently wiped away her tears. "Hey… hey!" he repeated softly, helplessly. She sobbed. He looked at her sadly – she looked so fragile. He wiped her tears away again and unwittingly started caressing her face with the tip of his fingers. Not knowing what came over him, he leaned in, lifted her face to his and softly kissed her lips. She immediately responded by kissing him back with more ardor. He could taste the saltiness of her tears on her lips, and it only made him want her more. He cradled the side of her face with his right hand and pulled her closer as he kissed her more passionately. He could feel his lust for her starting to increase, and was on the verge of losing his willpower completely when he suddenly pulled away, looking worried. _What am I doing? I told myself I'd step back. What is she going to think? I'm supposed to be a Jedi now… I can't be doing this… and she… she doesn't need this. Not a guy like me… She deserves better. I'm the last thing she needs._

He loosened his hold, but before he had the chance to step back and apologize, Jena reached and grabbed his face with both hands, pulling it back toward hers, kissing him fervently. He put his arms around her again and kissed her harder, giving in to his desire. His hand made its way to the back of her head and he held her closer, never letting go, never pulling away from her lips. All he could feel was how much he wanted her, how much he loved her, how much he wanted to take all her pain away, and how he wouldn't be able to bear it if she walked away from him one more time. His thoughts became desperate – _Please, please, _please_ don't walk out on me this time…please…_ Jena briefly interrupted their kiss and breathlessly said, "I'm not going anywhere this time." – only to kiss him again fervently. He didn't bother attempting to figure out how she had known what he was thinking. He had better things to focus on – her fingers were sliding from the nape of his neck down to his chest, and his own hand slowly was slipping from the back of her head down to her collarbone. Her hands continued sliding down to his waist and she started tugging at his robe. His belt and his lightsaber fell to the floor with a clunk. She subtly began pulling him toward one of the beds. He caught on to what she was doing, yielded, and clumsily fumbled with her robe as well, as they half-stumbled onto the mattress. Still kissing her, Atton slowly pulled her down next to him while struggling with her belt. She laughed at his disconcertion when he realized he was not making any progress, and gently helped him out.

"Damn things are so hard to work," he mumbled apologetically, slightly frustrated, but relieved that she was laughing again. "You'd think I'd have learned how to undo these stupid belts by now." She silenced him with a soft kiss, which made him forget all about his brief embarrassment. He let go of her belt and gently cradled her head in his hands and kissed her back. He briefly wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as though he was afraid she would vanish if he loosened his grip. He then however relaxed his hold, his hands slipping back down as his mouth kissed her lips again, and again, then her chin, and slowly made its way down to her neck. _Please don't go…I won't let you go… I can't let you go…

* * *

_

Atton stirred and his arms reached over to the other side of the small bed. He felt around the empty mattress blindly for a moment, and opened his eyes suddenly when his hand encountered something small and metallic. _What the…?_ He sat up and picked up the small object that was placed over his carefully folded robe, next to his lightsaber – Jena's datapad. _I have a bad feeling about this… _His heart racing, he looked over the message she had left for him:

_I'm sorry, Atton. I have to face her alone. I will be back, I promise you._

"NO!" exclaimed Atton. He jumped out of bed and quickly donned his robe as best he could, considering his frantic state of mind. _How could I possibly fall asleep? The bloody ship is stuck between two cliffs up in the air and I FALL ASLEEP? How long have I been sleeping? I hope I'm not to late to stop her! How can she even think about going alone?_

The instant he deemed himself decent, he ran out of the room, still struggling with his belt and holding the datapad between his teeth. He had barely managed to get his belt on and take the datapad out of his mouth when he burst into the main hold.

"Where's Jena?" he asked the first person he saw: Bao-Dur.

"The General? I don't know, I haven't seen her for some time… weren't you supposed to go talk to her earlier?"

"Yes, well, that's neither here nor there," dismissed Atton. "Where is she _now_?"

"Well, as I said, Atton…"

Atton turned to Mical who had just walked into the room and pointed his finger at him decisively. "_You_. You always know where Jena is. Where is she?"

"I don't know, Atton, I haven't seen her for some t—"

"Do you people _all_ have the same answer? I need to know where she is!"

"Why?" asked Mandalore, who had just walked in. "What's the matter?"

"The matter is, I think she's gone!"

"Gone?" asked Mical.

"YES, GONE! We have to go help her. She'll never make it out on her own."

The entire crew had made its way to the main hold to find out what Atton was shouting about.

"Calm down, Atton," said Mira. "What do you mean, 'she's gone'?"

"I mean she's _gone_! To face Kreia!"

Mira looked skeptical. "She wouldn't have left without us. How do you know this?"

Atton instantly became more subdued. "She… um… well, she left me this message on her datapad," he said meekly.

Before Atton could do anything about it, Mical had stolen the datapad right out of his hands.

"Hey!" protested Atton. _Well at least there's nothing too personal written on there…at least I don't think…_

Mical quickly glanced at the datapad. "So she just… left you this message?" he asked, looking slightly suspicious. "And where were you during all this?"

"I was asleep," confessed Atton.

Mical raised an eyebrow. "Asleep?"

"Yes, asleep. I do that sometimes. I can't always be piloting your lazy asses around the galaxy."

Mical gave Atton a long look, but made no comments. Instead, he handed the datapad back to him and turned to everybody else and said, "Well, according to this message it _would_ seem she does not wish for us to follow her… I suppose we have to respect that…"

"Are you _crazy_?" exploded Atton. "We have to go after her! She doesn't stand a chance on her own!"

Mical spoke cynically. "And what are we to Kreia but a handful of half-Jedi? She could eat us for breakfast and you know it. We would be of no use to Jena. We'd likely just get in the way. Perhaps even endanger her somehow."

"Yeah… Atton, seriously, you need to get over this saving fetish of yours," commented Mira. "She can take care of herself."

"Yeah, but…" He unexpectedly stopped in mid-thought, cringing. "What the…?" A pained expression appeared on his face.

"Something wrong, Atton?" she asked.

"Well, no… I don't know… this… feeling suddenly came over me. Like a great sorrow… and anger… Like a scream that tore through my head." He paused. "It's… it's Jena. Something's happened. She's really upset. Devastated." He stopped and frowned confusedly. _Wait. How do I know this?_ Mical looked at him strangely, seemingly wondering the same thing.

"What?" demanded Atton defensively.

"Nothing… It's just that… no, that can't be… _can_ it?" He almost sounded like he was talking to himself.

"_Will you please tell me what's wrong?_"

"Well," Mical started slowly, "as you know, sometimes… Force bonds form between master and student… and Jena does have an affinity for bonds…"

"Oh. Okay… Is that what it is? Then… then you all felt it too? Right?"

"No," replied Mical still looking at him strangely. "No, none of us did… no one else reacted the way you did. Bonds don't usually happen quite this fast… At least nothing like this. We all have some sort of bond with her, but none of us are able to actually experience what she's feeling…" He never took his eyes off Atton.

"_Will you stop looking at me like that?_" bellowed Atton. "_What's WRONG?_"

Mical hesitated. "Atton, what… did… did something… _happen_… with…" he stammered.

Atton's eyes met Mical's. They looked at each other for a moment, and the color drained from Mical's face. "Oh… oh my."

The others all looked at each other perplexed, as Micalquickly exited the room, immediately followed by Atton. No one knew where the two men went. The only thing they heard was Mical shouting angrily – had they _ever_ heard Mical shout before? – "_ATTON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?_"

Atton closed the door behind them, so the entire ship didn't have to witness their conversation. "Keep your voice down, will you? I don't think you need to be screaming at me like a stuck mynock. I'm right in front of you."

"What have you _done_?" repeated Mical less loudly.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time. As did everyone else on board, I'll bet," flippantly commented Atton.

"_Atton!_"

"All right, all—Hey, wait a minute. I don't have to justify myself to you. What Jena and I… what we…" He paused. "_It's none of your damn business!_" he yelled.

"Atton, you don't seem to understand," Mical replied, desperately trying to keep his temper in check. "You… You've made her _vulnerable_. Now Kreia, because of their bond, can sense this vulnerability and _use_ it."

"How have I made her vulnerable?"

"How have…?" Mical shook his head in disbelief. "_She's in love with you, you idiot!_" he spat. "And Kreia can use this against her. There are many reasons why Jedi aren't supposed to love. It doesn't always have to be about falling to the Dark Side."

"But she's not… I mean… _love_? How do you…?"

"The bond," interrupted Mical dully. "It probably would have occurred over time, given the _master_ and _student_ relationship between you two…" He glared at Atton, putting venomous emphasis on the words _master_ and _student_. "But this… _love_… she feels for you… has felt for you for some time now, I think… seems to have triggered it faster, somehow."

"Wait a minute… you knew she loved… How long have you known?"

"I've suspected for a number of weeks now," answered Mical warily.

"So _that's_ what you were getting at on Dxun…" muttered Atton under his breath. He paused for a moment as the information filtered through his brain. _She loves me? I mean I knew she liked me, but… love?_ Despite the gravity of the situation, Atton felt a grin forming on his face.

"Yes, well… no need to gloat," grumbled Mical.

Atton tried to conceal his grin as best he could, though he wasn't very successful.

"And now," continued Mical soberly, "we have to find some way to _help_ her. She's obviously in trouble. Kreia must be using Jena's feelings for you against her, somehow."

"I don't get it. Kreia kept telling me to stay _away_ from her."

Mical shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she only thought you would cause trouble… maybe she didn't see how she could turn this to her advantage… or maybe she was using reverse psychology. Her reasons are beside the point. What else did you feel? Did you hear anything? See something?"

"No, I…" He stopped.

"What?" eagerly asked Mical.

"Well, it's… strange… there was this image… more like a flash… I was mostly concerned with this overwhelming feeling of… devastation, so I didn't stop to think… but I saw… _me_. I saw myself… bloodied, really badly beat up. Dying, I think."

Mical looked horror-stricken. "I was right! Kreia _is_ using this weakness against her. Atton, we… we have to go! We have to go help her!"

"_That's what I've been saying all along!_" exclaimed Atton, exasperated.

* * *

_Author's notes_: Well, all I can say is, I hope you liked this chapter and that you'll like where I'm going with this... ;)


	14. Educated Guesses

**Chapter 14 – Educated Guesses**

"_You killed him, you schutta!"_

"Atton?"

Atton's eyes had become glazed over for a moment and Mical noticed he was paying even less attention to what he was saying than usual, which was saying a lot.

"What? Oh, sorry… the… voices," stammered Atton. "This is getting a bit creepy. I mean I can sometimes tell what she's thinking… and maybe once or twice I've gotten weird thoughts jump into my head… thoughts that weren't mine… but it was never anything like this. Normally she was at least in the vicinity. Is this something that's going to be permanent? Cause I don't know that I want to know what she's thinking _all_ the time." _And I certainly don't want her to know what I'm thinking._

"Well, to some extent, it might be. Why, did you hear actual words this time?" Mical looked puzzled. "It may be simply caused by some extreme emotional disturbance. You do have a bond, but I don't think you'll be able to know what the other is thinking at all times. I've never heard of that happening. At the very least, you should be able to shield your thoughts from each other if you really wanted to."

"Well, _that's_ good."

"What did you hear?" enquired Mical.

Atton furrowed his brow. "I don't know… something about someone… Kreia, I think… killing someone else… and Jena was really mad… called her a schutta." Atton chuckled. "About time… Took long enough for her to realize it."

"_Focus_, Atton!"

"Sorry. That's all I really remember. It's easier to remember the feelings than the words. I can't really remember what I heard the first time either."

"You _heard_ something the first time?"

"Well, yeah, I thought I told you."

"_Does it seem like I had knowledge of this before?_" snapped Mical.

"Well, no, I guess not… no point in losing it on me, it was nothing. It was just…" Atton frowned.

"What?"

Atton shook his head. All he could remember was the word '_no'_. "Never mind. I don't really remember. It was really not that important."

"Very well. I must say, Atton, I do find it most peculiar that the… um…" He blushed. "The… the sudden change in the nature of your relationship with Jena seems to have served as a catalyst for your bond with her. Perhaps it's simply because she's realized that you seem to feel for her as she does for you."

"If it's so peculiar, then why did you immediately assume that's what happened and started accusing me?" demanded Atton.

"Well, it was more of a… theory. An educated guess. You said she had left you the datapad while you were sleeping…"

"And you got it from _that_?"

Mical smirked. "Well, she hardly visits any of _us_ while we're sleeping… That coupled with what the message said – 'I'm sorry Atton'… it made things a bit obvious – to me, anyway. And, well, your demeanor confirmed my suspicions. I put everything together, and realized that the bond you were feeling was probably caused by that very closeness."

"Wait, wait, wait… are you telling me that you berated me loud enough so anyone can hear because of an _educated guess_?" cried Atton, suddenly forgetting about the situation at hand.

Mical looked flustered. "Yes… well… perhaps we should save this conversation for later and focus on Jena."

"Right. Jena." Atton glared at Mical. _You're lucky I'm crazy about that woman, because you'd have to answer to my lightsaber right now.

* * *

_

"Right," began Mical, addressing the crew gathered in the main hold. "Well, according to Atton's…" He glanced sideways at Atton. "_Bond_… with Jena, it would appear that she may already be facing Kreia. Which isn't very good for us if we wanted to help her. Likely by the time we made our way down there, the battle would be long over, whether it be won by Jena or…" He stopped and preferred to let the others guess what the other outcome might be, rather than voicing it out. He exhaled deeply. "So it would appear that running out and trying to catch up to her would just be a waste of time. I feel our best bet would be to fix up the ship and try to reach her. That is, of course, assuming Atton can fly the ship without crashing again."

Atton glared at him. "Yeah, well, maybe you could save the rest of your personal digs for when the _entire_ crew is here. I'm sure Mira will be sorry she missed them. Where is she anyway?"

As everyone expressed puzzlement, Mical started getting a similar calculating look as he had earlier.

"What now?" demanded Atton impatiently. "You want to accuse me of sleeping with her too?"

"Not everything revolves around you, Atton, believe it or not. I was just remembering that I thought I saw her slip out and climb up to the outer hull during our… discussion… right after she asked you what was wrong. At the time I didn't think…"

"You didn't _think_? Oh well, _that's_ a new one," spat Atton sarcastically. "Great. Now we have _two_ women to rescue. What is it with the women on board disappearing without telling anybody? Is Visas still here, at least?"

"I am here," replied Visas smoothly.

"Hey, look at that!" quipped Atton. "It _does_ talk! Well, good. It's nice to see that at least _one_ of you still has some sense. All right. So _now_ what?"

"Now," replied Bao-Dur, "we stick to Mical's plan of fixing the ship and going to save the General. Mira will likely have reached her by then, so we won't have to worry about finding her too. Luckily, the repairs are almost done, as T3 and I have been keeping busy while you and Mical have been… working things out." Then he added under his breath, "I just hope the Mass Shadow Generator doesn't get triggered before we get to them."

"What did you just say? What was that about a Mass Shadow Generator?" asked Atton, paling a little.

Bao-Dur turned to him and reluctantly explained, "As the General ordered me before we arrived, I sent out my remote to prime the Mass Shadow Generator that was once used on Malachor. Upon the General's order, it will be set off. My only concern is not getting to her in time. If, for some reason, Kreia starts to get the better of her, she may decide to trigger it early." Watching the rest of the color drain from Atton's face, he quickly added, "But I can't imagine that happening, as in so doing, the General would endanger us all, and she cares too much for us… _some_ of us in particular," he added looking significantly at Atton, "to doom us in that fashion." He paused and again added under his breath, "Unless, of course, she feels we would have enough time to escape without her."

"What? Okay, you have _got_ to stop muttering the most important parts. You're saying she might stay behind while the planet blows up if she thinks we can make it off alive?"

"That is a possibility, yes," confirmed Bao-Dur regretfully.

Atton's color rushed back up to his face all at once. "Well, if she thinks I'm going to leave her behind just so I can survive, she's crazy," he retorted heatedly. "Come on, Bao-Dur! Let's get moving on fixing this ship. We're getting _the General_ off this planet whether she likes it or not."

* * *

Atton fidgeted in his seat. Bao-Dur had gently but decisively told him to stay away while he and T3 finished the repairs, as Atton's frantic state of mind had been hindering their progress. For once, Atton had agreed and made himself scarce. He now found himself back in the cockpit with nothing to do but worry. Playing pazaak was out of the question, and he found himself almost wishing Mical would drop by to irritate him, just so he could use him as an outlet for his frustration. But Mical was otherwise busy. Everyone was otherwise busy – everyone but him. He had never felt so useless in his life… Jena was out there, _needing_ him, and all he could do was sit there and wait… and _wait_. _This is not how it was supposed to happen… I was supposed to be there with her… to fight for her… to put my life on the line for her… to die for her. This is why I became a Jedi, not so I could sit here while Mira's off to rescue her… Why am I so obsessed with this? Maybe Mira is right. Maybe I _do_ have a saving fetish._

Metallic footsteps made him turn around. Bright red eyes greeted him.

"Shouldn't you be off fixing something?" asked Atton sullenly.

"Smug Response: As an assassination droid, I do not have the skills required to 'fix' things." HK emphasized the word as though it was an obscenity.

"Further Clarification: Unless of course, you were speaking metaphorically, and by 'fixing something' you meant 'obliterating meatbags'."

"No, I meant it literally." _That thing's going to kill me. It's going to kill me, and there's nobody around to stop it. Where's my lightsaber?_

"Reiteration: In that case, I stand by my original statement. I do not 'fix' things."

"Then why are you here? I don't expect you just came by here for a friendly chat or a game of pazaak."

"Condescending Explanation: I wished to express… concern…" The word sounded very foreign coming from HK-47. "Concern about the turn your relationship with my master seems to be taking."

"Oh yeah? And what would you know about that?"

"Mocking Observation: You appear to have forgotten about the security cameras present throughout the ship."

Atton shuddered. _The cameras… I'd totally forgotten… and that sick droid was watching us? I don't even want to think about what it's going to do to me now that it's seen me with its precious master…_

"Okay, so you saw us. What's your point?" _Where _is_ my lightsaber?_

"Mocking Statement: I did not sit by and watch, if that thought distresses you."

"Further Clarification: I have no interest in the mating rituals of meatbags, and find them disturbing at best."

"Irritated Reiteration: As I said, I wished to express concern."

"Fine. Then why are you expressing concern?" Atton shook his head incredulously. _I can't believe I'm even having this conversation. It was bad enough with Mical. This is turning into the worst post-date parental interrogation ever._

"Explanation: I find that your presence appears to be making my master… soft." _Soft? I'm not making her soft… If anything, she's making _me_ soft. I mean, look at me, I'm… getting along with people._

"Extrapolation: All signs seem to be pointing to the fact that she may be risking termination to save you."

"Musing: I find it perplexing that she deems a lowly meatbag such as yourself worthy of such an act."

"Conclusion: I am concerned that your presence may be harmful to my master."

_Yup, it's definitely here to kill me._

"Yeah? Well, you might want to keep your concerns to yourself, otherwise I might feel compelled to get Jena to install that pacifist package back in."

"Horrified Statement: You wouldn't dare!"

"Watch me," he said, finally remembering where he had stashed his lightsaber and reaching for it on the off shot that HK would turn violent.

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Bao-Dur. HK-47 hurriedly left the cockpit, his red eyes even redder than usual.

"Repairs are done, Atton. We should be able to go now."

"Good," replied Atton briefly, turning to the control panel.

Bao-Dur stood behind Atton, watching him start up the engines. "We will find her, you know."

"We damn well better," mumbled Atton.

Bao-Dur put his hand on Atton's shoulder. "We _will_ find her," he repeated.

"I hope so… because we have to. _I_ have to. And I _especially_ have to now, because if I don't, I'll have a vengeful assassination droid on my tail. And now you might want to buckle up – I don't know how well this cliff will hold up to the vibrations."

* * *

_Author's Notes_: WOW! The response for Chapter 13 was pretty overwhelming... Thanks for all the reviews! Some of you seem to be under the impression that I'm taking this story in a direction I'm not... Mmmh... Odd. Anyway, I finally finished writing the entire story today (yay!)... There will be a total of 19 chapters. I expect your next question will be why I'm so behind with posting them... That would be because I always want to double check and triple check for any continuity errors between the chapters. I expect I'll find a lot of those in the final chapters, as I tended to always go off on a tangent while I wrote... and sometimes forgot details I had mentioned before. :) Anyway, sorry if this chapter was a little anticlimatic compared to the last one, but I promise the action does pick up in the next chapter, which I'll probably have up over the next couple days. Always happy to hear from you. :) 


	15. Rescue Again

**Chapter 15 – Rescue (again)**

"Everybody strapped down? This could get messy!"

Atton and Bao-Dur watched in apprehension as the cliffs surrounding them started crumbling. The ship was shaking a little bit too much for Atton's taste.

"Something's wrong," he said between his teeth. "I think the cliff we're resting on is falling apart too, not just the ones that have us trapped."

Bao-Dur unbuckled himself and peered out the window. "I think you may be right," he said, sitting back down and refastening his seat belt. "I can see a huge crack forming on the ground below us. I think we're headed for a free fall."

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

Bao-Dur threw a sidelong glance at Atton. The latter's attention was entirely focused on the control panel. "Come on… come on!" he said under his breath, pushing various buttons in an attempt to force the _Ebon Hawk_ free from between the cliffs without completely destroying the one that was preventing them from crashing. The ship suddenly tilted to the left.

"Atton?" asked Bao-Dur involuntarily.

"I know, I know, I felt it too… Dammit!" he exclaimed in frustration. "I just need a little bit more time… we're almost free…"

Then just as Atton was saying, "There you go!" they felt a very large tremor from underneath them. Atton spat out an expletive as the _Ebon Hawk_ dropped. Bao-Dur, not wishing to show Atton his alarm, dug his hand into the side of his seat as the ship started to slip. Atton remained focused on his task. _First, I do this; I can panic later._ He pushed a few more buttons, and tried pulling the throttle: nothing. He tried again and just as Bao-Dur, closing his eyes, had given up and was starting to resign himself to an untimely death, the ship suddenly jolted upwards and they started moving normally again. Atton whooped in excitement. "Now, _that_, my friend, is piloting!" he bellowed.

Bao-Dur exhaled deeply, realizing he had stopped breathing when the ship started falling. He opened his mouth to congratulate Atton, but found himself speechless. He slowly loosened his hold on the side of his seat, turned and stared at Atton in sheer admiration. Atton, still feeling the adrenaline pumping, saw him from the corner of his eye and smiled. "Had you worried there for a second, didn't I?"

Bao-Dur exhaled again. "That's… that's a bit of an understatement."

Atton laughed. "Ha! And you guys all thought I couldn't pilot just because I kept crashing. But you've got to admit, when I'm not getting shot at or pushed into cliffs by electrical storms, I can hold my own!"

Bao-Dur nodded. "Yes, after _this_ little experience, I have to say you can."

"All right," said Atton, becoming serious again. "Now we have to figure out where we're going. I mean, were there any clue about where… Whoa! What the hell is that?" What appeared to be a large building had come into view. "I thought everything got destroyed down here."

"Everything was… This… this must have been built since Malachor was destroyed. There's no other way. I think I remember the General mentioning something about a Sith Academy on Malachor. This must be where she went to confront Kreia."

"All right, then I guess I'll just set the ship down right… here…" There was a large area in front of the main door that could easily be used as a landing pad. "Well, it would have been nice to find _this_ spot earlier," he grumbled. "Would've saved us one big headache."

The _Ebon Hawk_ had landed, but Atton sat still and wide-eyed for a moment. After a few seconds of not seeing him budge, Bao-Dur looked at him questioningly. "Is everything all right, Atton?"

"Yeah… yeah… I'm just… panicking now. Give me a minute." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Okay, I'm all good. Let's go find the others." They both got up and headed to the main hold. They were greeted by a wave of applause. "All right, all right," protested Atton, secretly pleased. "You can thank me later by buying me a round of juma juice at the Telos cantina when this is over. But now, we have to find our lovely ladies who are missing in action. I can only assume that Jena is holding her own in that fight against Kreia, because… well, I haven't had any other… _messages_, or whatever it is you want to call them. That leaves Mira to try and find."

"I'm here," said a breathless voice from the loading ramp.

Everyone turned to face Mira. She was bloodied and carried strange vibroblades. Mical ran over to meet her. "Mira, what happened to you?"

She shook her head. "I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind."

"Well, at least let me have a look at you," he insisted. "You're bleeding! And you with broken ribs…"

"I'm fine," she said shortly. "Besides, most of the blood isn't mine." Her features hardened. "It's Wookie blood." She looked around. "Where's Jena? Did you guys go get her yet?"

"Well, no," said Atton. "We just _got_ here. We were about to…"

His sentence was interrupted by a slight tremor. "What was that?" he asked, concerned. His eyes met Bao-Dur's. "Oh no," he muttered.

"'Oh no'?" demanded Mandalore. "What do you mean, 'Oh no'?"

At that same instant, Atton's comlink activated itself. All he could hear was static. "Jena? Jena, is that you?" he asked frantically.

"…_out…_"

"What? Jena? You're breaking up, I can't hear you!" The entire crew crowded around Atton.

"…_rator… ted… out!_" said a faint voice.

"Jena, please! I can't hear what you're saying!" He sounded increasingly distraught. _I think I know what she's saying… I just need to hear her say it. Oh, Jena, please don't be saying what I think you're saying…_

"…_sh…dow…generator… activated… get out!_"

It couldn't have been clearer. Mical and Bao-Dur looked at each other in dismay.

"Jena, I'm not leaving you here!" yelled Atton into the comlink.

"…_GET OUT! …AN ORDER!_"

Atton became ashen. "How much time until it's fully activated, Bao-Dur?"

"A few minutes." His voice sounded hollow and his face looked like death.

Atton ran toward the exit ramp.

"Atton! There's no time!" yelled Bao-Dur after him.

"Jena's still in there, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna leave without her!"

"Atton, we have to leave NOW! It's too late! We have to leave her. If we don't leave now, we'll _all_ die!"

"Then leave!" spat Atton, racing down the ramp. "But I'm not going anywhere without her." He glanced at Mira over his shoulder. "You know how to fly this ship, right?"

"Well… yes… but…"

"T3 can copilot for you. He'll help you out. You guys save yourselves. I'm getting her out of there."

Mira called after him. "Atton! You won't be able to leave! You'll be killed! _Both_ of you!" But Atton had already disappeared from view.

* * *

Atton found it rather easy to tell which way Jena had gone. _Just like a trail of crumbs… follow the dead Sith. I'll have to thank her for making my job that much easier._ He swallowed. _I wonder how much longer we've got… No, I can't think about this right now. I just have to get to her. I can worry about what to do then. Just… get to her._

He was quite thankful for his Jedi powers, which enabled him to run that much faster. He knew there was no other way he'd have been able to make it to her on time. _That's assuming I can make it to her at all… where is she hiding? _He stepped into a very large room with a high ceiling. _This is the core… this must be – whoa!_ He stopped dead in his tracks. In the center of the room lay Kreia, unmistakably dead. _Okay, this has to be it. But where's…?_ He looked to the right of the room.

"Jena!" he exclaimed. He flinched but tried hard to hide the distress he felt when he saw her. She could barely stand up, weakened from the battle. Her face was white and her robe was stained with large patches of blood.

"Atton! I…" She tried to take a step and tumbled over to one side.

Atton ran over to her and tried to help her back up.

"No… Atton… you should've left… Leave me… too weak… I can't… I can't…"

"I don't think so! I'd rather die than leave you here. I told you I'd save you if it's the last thing I do, and that's just what I'm doing. I made a promise, and for once in my life, I'm going to keep it – and you're not going to stop me. Now come on!"

She glanced up at him weakly, her face even paler than before. "Atton…" she muttered and lost consciousness.

Without wasting a moment, Atton quickly gathered her up in his arms. _We have to get out of here… I don't know where we'll go, but we have to get out of here._

He turned toward the entrance of the room, and at that moment, felt a large tremor all around him. He went pale. _Oh no…_ The room started collapsing around him. The walls and large chunks of the floor started falling apart, revealing a void all around the room… and his only way out of the room crumbled to pieces. He swore. "Is this some kind of joke? _Now_ what the hell am I supposed to do?" he yelled out into the emptiness surrounding them.

He turned and turned, looking all around the room. No, there was no way out. No way out at all. They were trapped. He would die here, and she with him. He brought her to the center of the room, where they had the least risk of getting injured by falling debris… or to have the floor collapse from underneath them. He dropped down to his knees and sat down on the floor, holding her close, cradled in his arms, and shielding her from harm by leaning over her.

"I'm sorry I failed you," he chokingly told the unconscious Jena. "I guess I should have known that would happen. I've failed at everything I've ever done… And now we're going to die here, and I _still_ can't tell you how I feel about you, because you're passed out." He laughed bitterly. "Well, I guess I might as well tell you anyway, because it will keep me from going crazy. Jena, at first I thought I would die for you to save you, just so I could be redeemed. I thought that's what I was meant to do. And maybe it is… maybe that _is_ why that Jedi saved me. But right now, it doesn't even have anything to do with redemption anymore. Now I just want to save you for _you_… to die to save you, only because I love you. I've loved you from the moment I first saw you… thought you were a dream. And now the one time you really need me, I can't help you. It's not fair… Now you'll never know how much you mean to me… what I would've done for you." He kissed her forehead and held her closer as more and more debris started tumbling down.

At that moment, he heard a noise other than that of the building falling apart. He turned and tried to see through the thick dust around him. It was the _Ebon Hawk_. It hovered to his right. The loading ramp opened up. He could barely make out Mical's head peering around the corner. "Atton! Hurry! We can't wait any longer!"

Atton picked up Jena again, got up and ran as fast as he could. The dust was making it hard to breathe. He was starting to feel faint. _Only a little bit more… Just a bit more…_ He leapt up onto the ramp and ran in, hearing Mical yell, "WE'VE GOT THEM! GO, MIRA!" Atton immediately handed the unconscious Jena to Mical, and knelt down to the floor, wheezing.

"Quick!" he gasped. "Get her to medbay. Just as soon as I can… catch my breath… I'm taking over the controls of this ship… A rookie like Mira can't get us out of this."


	16. Rest

**Chapter 16 – Rest**

"You're not a very… good soldier, you know… can't follow orders."

Jena smiled weakly from beneath the many bandages Mical had wrapped around her. Atton, who had been pacing outside the medical room ever since they entered hyperspace, had finally been given permission to go in and see her for a short time. He sat down on the bed. "I never said I was a good soldier," he smiled.

"I guess it's… a good thing you're not… because I'd still be… on Malachor if you were."

He laughed. "Don't you go blaming this all on me! I was helpless until those guys showed up… couldn't even get you out of the room we were in."

"Still… if you hadn't been there…"

He put his finger to her lips. "Shh…" he said soothingly. "Maybe we should stop talking… You've been through a lot and you need your rest… do you want Mical to kick me out because I got you too worked up?" He smiled kindly.

Ignoring his request, she propped herself up on her elbows.

"She… she made me think you were dead."

"I know," he replied softly, wincing at the memory. And suddenly, the words he had heard at that moment, but had forgotten, came back to him.

_No…_

"You know?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes. I… I felt it. Sensed it. Sensed… what you felt. What you saw. Mical says we have a bond."

_No… Atton!_

"She was manipulating me… took over my mind..."

_No… Atton! I love you!_

He closed his eyes briefly. He then got up, gently kissed her forehead, and said, "You need your rest. I'll have Mical to deal with if you don't get well as quickly as he would like you to, because he'll be sure to blame me." He brushed her hair out of her face gently. "I'll be back once you've rested a bit." He kissed the top of her head and walked out.

On his way back to the cockpit, Mical ambushed him.

"How is she doing? You didn't try and get her to talk, did you?"

"No, Mical…" he said, rolling his eyes. "She insisted on talking to me, but I left before she got too worked up." He sighed. "She… she's not looking so good," he added quietly.

"I know," Mical replied sympathetically. "But I'm… I'm sure she's looking a lot better than if you hadn't been there to save her."

Atton sighed. "I don't know that I did… I think it's because of me that she was in danger in the first place."

"Atton, surely you don't really think that. She would have left to seek out Kreia regardless."

"Yes, but her feelings for me are what endangered her."

He continued walking in an effort to leave the conversation, but Mical followed him into the cockpit.

"Her feelings for you? You mean she… she told you how she felt?" Mical's voice had a strange ring to it. _Is he… is he jealous?_

"No, of course not," replied Atton promptly. "I was just going based on what you told me." _No point in telling him what I remembered… none of his business anyway. Why should I tell him?_

Mical walked away and Atton settled himself wearily into the pilot seat. He felt tired – so tired. He fell asleep the instant he sat down. A tap on his shoulder woke him up minutes later. He started violently.

"Hey, get up!" said Mira. "It's my turn to baby-sit the cockpit. You go get some real sleep in an actual bed."

"It's okay, I'm fine in…"

"_Get up!_" ordered Mira with such vigor that Atton jumped out of his seat immediately. "Look, I know you've got a death wish and all… taking off to rescue Jena like you did, you'd have to... You're lucky you didn't blow up. But you're not going to die on _my_ watch." Mira glanced at him disapprovingly. "Look at you, you've got bags under your eyes all the way down to your chin… and you're still all dusty from Malachor. Do you _ever_ bathe? Go get yourself cleaned up and get some _rest_. When's the last time you had any rest, anyway? I mean other than that 'nap' you took on Malachor." She put much emphasis on the word 'nap' and looked at Atton significantly. Atton opened his mouth in protest. She laughed. "Give me a break. I may be younger than you, but that still doesn't mean I was born yesterday. I know exactly what happened. I think we pretty much all do. It's not a big ship, you know. Word spreads."

Atton scoffed. "Are you telling me that Mical has told people about what happened between me and his precious Jena?"

"I don't know about that, but I can tell you that I found out because that homicidal droid started spitting out threats at the camera feed in the security room out of the blue, and whining something about his photoreceptors. You know, swearing just doesn't sound the same when prefixed by 'Enraged Exclamation'."

Atton swallowed. "'Enraged'?" he asked uneasily, unconsciously reaching for his lightsaber.

"Yeah… I'm sure he's simmered down now that you saved her, though."

"I didn't save…"

"Will you get out of here before I _make_ you get out of here?" she asked angrily.

Atton meekly exited the cockpit and went to get somewhat cleaned up. He then headed to the portside dormitory, as he knew that was the only way he'd avoid Visas, and he simply didn't want to deal with anyone right then. He walked in, closed the door and collapsed on the first bed he found without bothering to take off his clothes, or even his boots. He chuckled to himself when he realized he had accidentally picked the same bed he had shared with Jena. He breathed in and closed his eyes: the pillow still smelled like her. He smiled, but his smile slowly started to fade as thoughts started racing through his mind… unpleasant thoughts. _She was in danger because of you… because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself… because you didn't stay away from her like you'd said you would…because she fell for you and left herself wide open for that old witch to manipulate her._ He groaned, burying his face into the pillow. _I should have left her alone when Mira told me… If I had, maybe she wouldn't have been in so much danger… I endangered her when I was supposed to save her. Dammit! Why didn't I leave her alone? _He laughed cynically. _I can't seem to get away from guilt no matter what I do. I'm glad she was passed out when I told her I loved her… because now she doesn't know. She won't know. I can't endanger her like this anymore. I knew it was a bad idea to fall for a Jedi…_ _But how could I have helped myself?_ He chuckled sleepily._ I was right… I _am_ getting soft… _His thoughts were getting hazy. He breathed in, smiled sadly and fell asleep.

When he woke up, he felt as though he had only been sleeping for a few minutes. He knew it had to be longer than that because he did vaguely recall getting up once or twice, only to come right back to bed. _How long have I been…_ Before he could finish that thought, he suddenly became very aware of a presence in the room. He opened his eyes and yelled out in surprise.

"Well, hello to you too," laughed Jena.

She sat at the foot of the bed, and had seemingly been watching him sleep. She looked… significantly better than when he had left her in the medical room. She was still bandaged up, but at least she had some color. He frowned.

"How long… how long have I been out?"

"Couple of days," she replied.

"Couple of… _days_?" he repeated, flabbergasted.

Jena laughed again. "I know! When I didn't see you come back to visit me, I asked about you… Mira said she'd sent you off to bed two nights ago because you looked like hell, and hadn't seen you since. I got… well, a little concerned… so I thought I'd check on you. Mical was…" She rolled her eyes. "Rather unwilling to let me go. Said I wasn't well enough. I told him off." Atton's eyes opened wide and she chuckled guiltily. "Poor kid… You should've seen his face… I'll apologize later, of course. I really do feel bad… I just don't like it when people start bossing me around, telling me what to do."

Atton snorted. "Yeah, I know _that_!" he said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" she asked defensively. He smiled smugly and stared at her. She giggled. "You know, you're getting pretty good at duplicating my stare of death."

"Guess I've been spending too much time with you, then," he teased, pretending to look annoyed.

"Oh, is _that_ so?" she said with a twinkle in her eye. For a second, Atton thought she was going to pounce on him and nail him down to the bed. For a second, he also rather hoped she was. He shook his head to remove any ideas he was starting to entertain, and sat up quickly. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened the last time they both were on that particular bed… and something told him she was thinking about it too. But he couldn't be thinking about that, not before they had a chance to talk, and _certainly_ not before she had a chance to heal up properly. He was doing his best to try and keep his libido in check, but it wasn't working too well… very much like the last time they were both on that bed. Only this time he had that nagging guilt at the back of his mind that prevented him from acting on his desire for her.

"Jena, I just don't understand," he said soberly, in an effort to stop the sheer lust that was starting to overcome him. "How… how could she make you think I was dead?"

Jena's smile faded, and the sparkle in her eyes dulled.

"I… I was weakened by Malachor… and she was made more powerful by it. All those deaths… The Dark Side was strong there." She shuddered. "I became easy to manipulate. I… I forgot to shield my mind… like you had taught me…" she admitted shamefacedly. _Because you'll be right here with me… playing pazaak… where they can't reach you._ "I was weaker, and she took advantage of it. She took over my mind. Made me believe you were dead – made me _see_ you dying, somehow – to try to break me, to show me how easily I could fall."

"Did it work?"

She laughed bitterly. "For a moment? Almost. I think it was the closest I'd ever gotten. I was devastated… and _furious_. I wanted revenge. But then I… I thought of you in the temple on Dxun… and thought that if you could turn your back on the Dark Side, then so could I."

Atton frowned slightly and looked perplexed. "I never told you what happened on Dxun."

Jena smiled faintly. "I also didn't need to tell you Kreia made me think you were dead for you to know."

Their eyes locked in understanding for a moment. Atton looked away. "Fair enough. So what happened next?"

"She laughed at me for falling for her trick… said I had been foolish to let my one weakness show… that I had almost made it too easy for her." Jena's bottom lip quivered slightly. "It was… It was horrifying… I… I saw you… you were all bloodied… mangled… and you had lost most of your arm… and you just lay there, making bad jokes as you were dying…"

"Yeah, that sounds about right. I can see why you would've thought that was really me," interjected Atton.

Jena ignored his comment and continued. "And then you told me… and then you told me…" She frowned and stopped.

"What did I tell you?" asked Atton gently.

She hesitated. Her eyes dropped. She spoke quietly, staring at her hands, blushing slightly. "And then you told me… that you loved me."

_Loved you from the moment I first saw you… thought you were a dream…_

Atton said nothing. _I guess the old lady knew me better than I thought. _

Jena laughed bitterly. "But I guess she only did that to try and upset me. And… and it worked; I was devastated." _I know… I sensed it when none of the others could._ "But I guess I _was_ foolish to fall for her trick. I mean…" She wavered. "You don't… _love_ me… do you?"

She looked up and gazed into his hazel eyes. She read deep into his soul. She saw the answer to her question, and he knew it, because he hadn't even bothered shielding his thoughts from her. He glanced away. _It's your fault she was in danger._ He frowned and replied gruffly, "No, of course not."

She brushed the side of his face with her hand. "Of course you don't," she said, smiling tenderly.


	17. Secret

**Chapter 17 – Secret**

Telos was approaching. _Less than an hour now…_ Atton was happy as a Selkath in water to be back in his own element – the cockpit. He had pushed Mira out the door every bit as brusquely as she had done with him. And when she tried to protest, he started rudely telling her off for letting him sleep for two days and thus preventing him from keeping Jena company as she recovered.

"All right, all right, I'm leaving!" she had exclaimed in irritation. "Jena, call off your kath hound, will ya?" she had yelled toward the main hold.

Atton shrugged, unconcerned. _She'll get over it._ He then sat down, put his feet up, and smiled, twirling a pazaak card between his fingers. _Yeah, life is pretty good… _He moved uncomfortably, trying to ignore the slight pang of guilt he had felt since Malachor. _At least at this point I don't think I really need to make an effort to stay away from Jena. She knows how I feel, anyway. I could tell. There's only so much you can hide from someone you have a Force bond with. Besides, I don't know why I was being so paranoid earlier… all that crazy Sith Lord stuff is over; I'm not endangering her anymore._ He frowned. _At least, I hope I'm not…_ He got a weird nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, much as he had experienced after she came back from the _Ravager_. Something was… off. Something was being kept from him. _You know what, I'm just not going to worry about it. What happens, happens… I'll just let the Force guide… Dammit! There I go again!_

He shook his head, then felt a fleeting presence behind him and heard the door close. He smiled. He recognized that presence. He turned and saw Jena, with most of her bandages gone, standing in the middle of the cockpit, grinning broadly and a little mischievously.

"Jena, what…"

He stopped short when he saw her starting to undo her robe. He dropped his pazaak card, his eyes opened wide and he swallowed. "Jena, what…" he repeated, watching her, unsure of what was going on. Her robe flopped down to the floor in a pile around her and he saw it – red and gold: she was wearing the dancer's outfit. He grinned, finally understanding.

"I figured that seeing as the other boys got to witness it the first time around, you could use a private showing… just so you're not jealous." She winked teasingly. He got up and took an eager step toward her. "Hey wait!" she protested, smiling seductively. "I haven't even gotten to the dancing part!"

He laughed. "Do you honestly think," he said covetously, walking briskly toward her, "that I care that much about the dancing?" He had forgotten all about his earlier worries – mostly on account of the fact that he was physically unable to think at that moment. He grabbed her face between his hands and pulled it toward him, kissing her savagely. "You little vixen," he whispered hoarsely between kisses. "Is _this_ what they teach you at the Jedi Academy?" She giggled and threw her arms around him. He reached down and lifted her up, her legs wrapping themselves around his hips. He walked to the front of the cockpit and set her down on the control board. She giggled again.

"Are you sure I'm not going to somehow make us crash by being on here? What if I hit the wrong button?"

"Nah… It's on autopilot. You can't do a thing from where you're sitting."

She raised an eyebrow and smiled provocatively. "That's what _you_ think," she said, grabbing a handful of his robe and pulling him back toward her. He ran his hands up to her back as he kissed her, blindly grasping for a clasp or a hook, anything at all, when suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Dammit!" he muttered, irritated. Jena, looking every bit as provoked as he did, got up and ran to pick up her discarded robe, hurriedly putting it back on.

"Jena? Are you in there?" enquired Mical's voice on the other side of the door.

"Just a minute!" Atton and Jena both exclaimed at the same time, annoyed.

There was a pregnant silence on the other side of the door. "I can… I can come back later," offered Mical uncomfortably.

Jena, who had managed to get her robe back on properly, ran to the door; but before she opened it, she turned around, looked at Atton and mouthed the word "belt" whilst pointing at his waist. He glanced down. His belt was undone. _How does she _do_ that?_ He rapidly fasted it back up – surprisingly enough, considering the trouble he normally had with it – and Jena opened the door. Mical looked extremely embarrassed.

"Like I said, I could have come back," he commented shamefacedly, carefully avoiding Atton's scowl.

"Well, I'm here now," dismissed Jena. "What is it?"

"I just… I thought you might like to have that bandage on your arm removed before we arrived… Look, I'm really sorry if I…"

"It's all right Mical," interrupted Jena. "I'll meet you at the medical room in a moment."

"Very well." Mical turned and left as quickly as he could without making it seem as though he was fleeing. Jena turned and looked at Atton apologetically. Atton shook his head and smiled thinly.

"Go," he said gruffly. "We can pick this up later."

She walked back toward him, stood on the tip of her toes and kissed him lightly. He smiled warmly and kissed her back. How could he possibly remain angry around her? Their kisses became more fervent, and they quickly started forgetting all about Mical.

"Whoa!" said a voice behind them. "You guys ever hear of closing doors? I did _not_ need to see this before breakfast." _Right… _this_ is how I can stay angry even if Jena's here._ He opened his eyes and shot a black look at Mira, as Jena quickly clasped his hand, smiled guiltily and slipped out.

"So tell me, Mira, is the _entire_ crew dedicated to preventing Jena and I from being alone today, or is it just you and Mical?" he snapped.

"Hey, no point in being testy with _me_. Door was wide open. I just came here to keep you company…" She smirked. "But apparently that job had already been filled. I hope you're not expecting the same kind of treatment from me now that she's gone." Atton glowered at her. "So Mical came by too?" she asked. "Yeah, you guys _really_ want to consider closing the door from now on."

Atton was exasperated. "It _was_ closed! He _knocked_!"

Mira laughed. "He _knocked_? Wow, for a smart guy, he can really act dumb sometimes. Either that or he's a glutton for punishment."

"Yeah, I've noticed." Atton turned and walked back to his seat. Mira followed him and sat on the co-pilot seat.

"So…" she said, settling in comfortably. "I take it you guys talked…"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

"Ew. I wasn't asking for the lurid details of your sex life."

"I wasn't going to _give_ you any. I meant we talked, but we didn't really discuss anything. I think we just have this unspoken… _thing_."

"Aw…" quipped Mira, clasping her hands together and putting them up against her heart. "He _wuvs_ her!"

"Shut up, Mira."

"You do! You wuv her and she wuvs you!"

"Don't think I can't forcibly remove you from the cockpit."

"Actually, I _do_ think so, because you have to begin landing procedures," she said, pointing at the flashing light on the console and laughing.

"Damn you, Mira!"

* * *

The crew stepped off the _Ebon Hawk_ and were immediately greeted by Lieutenant Grenn. 

"Glad to see you made it off Malachor alive, Exile."

"As are we, Lieutenant," smiled Jena.

"I assume you'll be staying in Telos for a short while, before you depart for… your next destination. Feel free to use the same apartment as before…"

"Oh, you mean the one we were imprisoned in?" quipped Atton. Jena glared at him.

Grenn cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yes, that would… be the one. As a matter of fact, the one next door, C2, is also at your disposal. Once you're settled in, if you wouldn't mind coming to see me at the TSF Office for a report, I would appreciate it."

"Of course, Lieutenant. I will be along shortly."

Grenn turned and walked away. _How many more times are we going to have to deal with this schutta? I hope we leave Telos soon. This planet is depressing. Not Malachor V depressing, but depressing nonetheless._

"All right," said Jena, "I guess we might as well get ourselves settled in. I think the best way to do this is girls in one room, boys in the other." _Yeah, I had a feeling this was going to happen…I guess it'd be asking a bit too much to share a room with her. Wait. That means I'm going to share a room with Mical. Oh no…Bao-Dur and Mandalore, I can handle… but Mical?_ He shook his head as he followed Jena, who led the way. When they arrived at the residential complex, the group split in two by gender. Atton, Bao-Dur, Mical and Mandalore all headed into the one apartment.

"Oh, wait a minute," commented Atton. "There are only three beds in here. One of us is going to have to stay on the ship." _I call ship! Anything to get away from Mical's snores._

"That's all right," replied Mandalore. "I won't need one. I'm leaving for Dxun within the hour."

Atton frowned. "Leaving?"

"Well, yes… surely you didn't expect our little 'team' to remain as such once Jena no longer needed us."

"Well, how do you know she no longer needs us? We don't know where she's going now."

Mandalore gave Atton a long look. "No, I don't know where she's going. The same way I didn't know where Revan went," he replied, walking back out.

_Well, _that_ was an odd statement. Too bad he's a Mandalorian; he'd make an excellent Jedi. What did he mean by that? He's making it sound as though he knew Revan. But that can't be right… why would Revan be hanging out with a Mandalorian? And what does Revan have to do with Jena?_ He suddenly remembered the room in the Ithorian Compound… _Admiral Onasi… he had a message for…_ The gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach returned. He turned to Mical and Bao-Dur.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I haven't had a drink since Nar Shaddaa, and I sure could use one right about now. I think I remember you guys owing me a round."

"I don't drink," said Mical.

Atton rolled his eyes. "Well, I know _you_ don't. What about you, Bao?"

"I might join you in a little while… I have some maintenance work I need to do on T3 first."

Atton shook his head. "Fine. I'll just go alone." He walked out of the apartment and saw Jena stepping out of hers. He smiled. "Hey, you want to join me at the cantina? I'll bet you could use a drink too!"

"I… I can't, Atton… I have to go meet with Lieutenant Grenn…" Her eyes seemed to be guiltily avoiding his. He frowned confusedly.

"Oh, all right… did you need me to go with you?"

"No, that's okay, you go on ahead. It'll be a boring meeting anyway," she said, suddenly meeting his gaze and smiling at him. He started wondering if he had imagined that look in her eyes.

* * *

_Author's Notes_: Down to the crunch! Only two more chapters left... Thank you so much for all your reviews! It's great to hear that you're enjoying this story! I hope you also enjoyed these past two chapters.


	18. Questions and Answers

**Chapter 18 – Questions and Answers**

"Juma… and keep 'em coming."

Atton dropped down on one of the barstools. He looked around. The cantina was fairly crowded, music was playing, and Twi'leks were dancing on the stage. _You wouldn't think these people had just gotten attacked by the Sith… I guess it's business as usual now that they're gone._

A drink was placed in front of him. He pounded it back immediately and gestured at the bartender for another one. The bartender glanced at him scrutinizingly and, thinking ahead, gave him two. Atton knocked them both back immediately. The nagging guilt and the weird feeling in the pit of his stomach were gone. He smiled. _All right… Now I can relax._ From the corner of his eye, he noticed someone staring at him: a man with short brown hair, with a few fringes falling over the side of his forehead. Atton turned and faced him. He looked familiar, but he couldn't place him.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" asked Atton.

The man smiled. "I don't think so… I was just watching because… well, I can't say I've ever seen a Jedi drink quite this much this fast… Well, except for one… now _she_ could drink." The man chuckled as though over a fond recollection.

"How did you know I was a Jedi?" asked Atton, frowning.

The man laughed pleasantly. "Just how many of those drinks have you had? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror recently?" Atton glanced down. _Oh yeah. The robe and lightsaber. Yeah, I guess that's a pretty big giveaway._

Atton looked fixedly at the man, desperately trying to remember why he seemed so familiar. "Admiral Onasi," he said, finally placing him.

The Admiral got up and sat down again next to him. "I'm sorry, I guess I don't remember meeting you."

"That's because you haven't. I'm Atton. Atton Rand."

"Carth Onasi." They shook hands. "So, Atton…" hesitantly began Carth, toying with his napkin. "Do you… see a lot of Jedi?"

Atton's fourth juma juice had arrived, and he started drinking it more slowly. "Not really. I haven't been a Jedi for very long. I pretty much only see my master…" _Now _that_ sounds funny…_ "Jena Shel. You've met her."

"Ah… the Exile!" Carth finished off his drink and ordered up another one, which arrived almost immediately. "Yes, I have… you must be the padawan who was waiting for her in the lobby of the Ithorian compound when I met with her, then. I didn't get a good look."

"You gave her a message," stated Atton, straightening his robe.

Carth gave Atton a long look. "Yes. Did she tell you what it was?"

"No… only that you had given her a message for someone."

"Did she tell you who for?" asked Carth curiously, taking a sip.

"She didn't have to."

Carth smiled. "Yeah, you Jedi don't always have to talk to each other to know what the other is thinking… She was – _is_ like that too." Atton knew he wasn't referring to Jena. Carth glimpsed at Atton. "So are you close to your… master?"

"I like to think so." Atton stared at the bottom of his glass.

Carth looked at him intently for a moment, and smiled sympathetically. "Yeah, I thought as much." They sat silently for a moment. Carth suddenly made a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a scoff. "Women, huh?"

"You're telling me… especially women _Jedi_." Atton rolled his eyes.

Carth laughed out loud. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"How long has she been gone?" asked Atton, knowing he was starting to borderline on being too nosy.

"Four years." _Four…?_

"Wow, that's… that's a while. Still think she's coming back?" Atton frowned. _Why did I just ask that? Damn juma's hitting me harder than I thought. That's what happens when I go this long without a drink._

"I have to." Carth spoke quietly. "She said she's coming back, and she's never lied to me before. I have to believe her."

"Of course. I'm sure she will," quickly replied Atton, trying to make up for his blunder.

"What about Jena?" asked Carth significantly.

"What _about_ her?"

Carth glanced at him. "Did she tell you what she's going to do now?"

The arrow had pierced through Atton's armor. "No," he admitted dully.

They both stared at nothing in silence. Suddenly, Carth spoke up. "You know, Revan just left one day…" Atton flinched. It was the first time Carth mentioned her by name. "Without telling me. Just… left. I guess she did _tell_ me… I just _hoped_ she wouldn't. She said I had to stay behind… that there were places she had to walk where she couldn't bring anyone she loved… that I was needed back here. And one day she just left without warning." He smiled sadly. The nagging feeling in the pit of Atton's stomach returned. _Is he trying to tell me something?_ He took a large sip from his drink. Carth finished his and got up. "I really should get going," he said. "It was nice meeting you, Atton. Take good care of Jena… if…"

"If what?"

"If she'll let you."

"Yeah, like she'd do something like that," scoffed Atton, finishing off his drink.

* * *

Atton walked back to the apartment complex more than a little tipsy. He had remained at the cantina a little while longer after Carth had left, mulling over what the latter had said about Revan and wondering why he had said it. Did Carth know something he didn't? Was Jena hiding something from him? Was the room spinning a little? 

When that last question came to mind, Atton decided it might be best to head back while he was still sober enough to walk on his own. _This is great – first I'm becoming soft, now I can't hold my liquor. I tell you, Jaq, this woman does weird things to you._ He then started giggling stupidly when he realized he had called himself 'Jaq'. _Well, _that_ was weird…_

He walked back to the apartment and collapsed on the first bed he saw. Some while later, he was awakened by a feminine hand. Atton mumbled something in his sleep.

"Did you just call me 'beautiful'?" asked Mira, highly amused.

Atton opened his eyes. _Ooh… my head… damn juma juice…_ "Mira what are you doing in my room?"

"I was about to ask you the same. You're in the wrong room."

Atton lifted his head and squinted. "Hey would you look at that – I am. Force of habit… this is the apartment we were staying in when we were first…" He stopped and cringed, holding his head.

Mira handed him a glass of water and a couple pills. "Here. It'll help." Atton graciously accepted them. "So… Telosian wine a bit stronger than what you're used to?" She sat on the bed.

"Juma juice, actually… and yeah, I guess so. It's been a while since I had the chance to drink, what with piloting duties and all."

"Well, I think we'd all be a little relieved to hear that… I swear, the way you flew the ship sometimes…"

"Are you just here to harass me while I'm hungover?" he asked. "Cause you know, I can just stumble my way to the next room, if that's the case…"

"I just came by to tell you I was leaving."

Atton sat up quickly and winced. _Damn juma juice!_ "Leaving? What do you mean, leaving? Why is everybody leaving? What if Jena needs you?"

Mira gave Atton a long look. Was there… pity in her eyes? "Well," she finally said, "she hasn't said anything about needing me anymore… Bao-Dur's finishing up some repairs on the ship, but I think he'll be leaving within the next couple days… Visas and Mandalore are gone…"

"_Visas_ is gone too?"

"Well… yes… I thought you knew…"

"I knew about Mandalore, but not… exactly how _long_ have I been sleeping this time?"

Mira laughed. "Not _that_ long. Long enough that Jena's been out of her meeting for a while now, but not so long that it's a different day. Just a few hours, I guess."

Atton exhaled deeply. "Well, _that's_ a relief."

"Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me," she said, looking away.

"Go with you? Where?"

"Nar Shaddaa. I'm taking the next freighter there… which unfortunately won't be till tomorrow morning."

"Nar Shad—but why would I leave? Jena's _here_."

_There's that look in her eyes again. It really does look like pity. Is there something she…_ The sick feeling of worry he'd been getting since he arrived on Telos swept over him. _Great. Cause I don't feel sick enough already._

Mira got up. "Anyway… if you change your mind… The freighter's leaving at 7, standard time, tomorrow morning." Atton arched an eyebrow. "Trust me," she explained, rolling her eyes. "I didn't pick the time. There's only one a day. I'll meet you at docking bay 3 at 6:30 if you decide to come along. If you're not there, I'll know you're staying." She turned and walked out the door.

Atton remained seated on the bed for a little while and stared in front of him. _There's something going on… they're all hiding something from me, I just know it. I haven't seen Jena since we landed, and she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. And now, everybody's leaving._

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door closing. He turned quickly. Jena stood smiling nervously. _I didn't sense she was there this time… she _is_ hiding something from me._ She walked over to him and sat on the bed. "Mira told me about your little… bender. Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, other than the pounding headache," he commented gruffly. "Though Mira gave me some stuff and it seems to be helping somewhat."

"Well, that's good," she replied absent-mindedly.

_Jena, why have you been so distant since we arrived on Telos?_

He frowned and did his best to close his mind to hers.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Jena finally asked, "Are you okay? You seem… off."

Atton laughed sardonically. "_I_ seem off? You've been avoiding me since we got to Telos. And don't deny it. I should know… I invented this little avoidance routine."

Jena paled slightly. "Yes, I suppose there's no point in trying to hide things from you anymore… You can read me a little too easily because of our bond."

Atton looked grim. "Yeah, I know… It's hard hiding things from you too."

Jena frowned. "What is it? Is there something you're trying to hide from _me_?"

"Yes… No… Well, not really…" He sighed deeply. "I just feel… guilty."

"Why? What did you do?"

"Oh you mean _other_ than torture and kill dozens of Jedi?" he asked sarcastically. His voice grew hesitant. "I… I didn't save you like I was supposed to," he stammered.

"What are you talking about? Of course you saved me. Or are you forgetting the part where you risked your life to try and save mine by chasing after me – rather stupidly, might I add – into the Sith Academy, and then got me back safely to the _Ebon Hawk_?"

"I didn't save you… the only reason why we're here is because the others showed up. What I did was not saving you," he said sullenly. "I was supposed to fight with you – to help you when you needed it. I was supposed to _die_ for you – just like _she_ died to save me. It's just… It's just not exactly how I…"

"How you thought it would be? Of course it wasn't. Destiny never is. There was a man I met once, years ago… named Jolee Bindo… who could tell you a great story about how destiny doesn't necessarily turn out the way you think."

"But it doesn't feel like I thought it would. I don't feel like I've…" He stopped and hung his head.

"You don't feel like you've been redeemed," said Jena softly.

"That's because I _haven't_ been redeemed! I didn't save you! I didn't die for you! And the guilt… the guilt is still there!"

Jena smiled indulgently. "Of course the guilt is still there, Atton. It will always be there, just like I will always feel guilty about what I did during the war. Dying for me wouldn't have redeemed you… it's actually the fact that you _didn't_ die for me that saved me. If it weren't for you carrying me to the ship, I would have died on Malachor. You have this clear-cut idea of what redemption is, and you won't consider yourself redeemed until it happens. But I'm telling you that you are wrong. Atton, there's something I don't think you understand about redemption. It's not about making up for what you've done through one big heroic act. I mean, it _can_ be… but it can also be about making up for it by doing many smaller things. I've learned that much. What we've done… help Khoonda, help Queen Talia, help Telos, is just the beginning of our redemption – yours as well as mine, for I too have crimes to make up for. And even once you feel like you've made your peace with you past, there's _still_ more you can do to make up for it. Redemption isn't a _goal_ – it's a _path_. It's about doing the right thing at the right moment. I told you before it doesn't matter who you used to be, but only who you are now – and that's _still_ true." She paused and added softly, "Besides, how do you suppose I would have felt if you _had_ died to save me? I don't know if I could've lived with the guilt… or the void."

He sat silently as what she had told him filtered through his brain. His features started to harden. "Well, never mind _me_," he said sharply. "I'm not the only one who's been hiding things these days."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about _you_. You've never once mentioned where we're going… I mean not that I dislike this dying _hellhole_ of a planet where I spent most of my time as a _prisoner_ and all… But I get the feeling you're hiding something from me… And I get the feeling that everybody around us knows it but me."

Jena spoke softly. "I'm… I'm sorry, Atton… I was trying to spare you…"

"'Spare' me? From what? Hey, I've only been worrying about not dying for you and missing my chance to redeem myself ever since we left Malachor. I sure could've used the distraction from the guilt I've been feeling."

Jena looked glum. "I… I suppose it wasn't really about sparing you… because I knew I had to tell you eventually. I guess I was… afraid to tell you."

"Afraid to tell me what?"

"You see, Atton, I too, am seeking redemption… And this is why… and this is why…" she faltered and winced. "And this is why I have to leave you."

"Leave me? To go where?"

"I… I must follow Revan's path… beyond the Outer Rim – to the Unknown Regions. There is a threat – a war – that is preparing there, and I must follow her. And if you truly seek redemption, you will not follow me there."

"Why not?" sharply demanded Atton, hurt.

"Because… you are needed here. The galaxy needs to be rebuilt. Telos needs to be restored. You will help out the Republic once again – and _that_ will be your redemption."

"Jena, I'm not letting you go without me."

Jena smiled sadly. "But you will… I must walk in a place where I can't bring anyone I care about – anyone I love. In time you'll understand… this isn't something I want to do – it's something I _have_ to do. Just like Revan had to."

"How long will you be gone?" he asked sullenly, thinking of Carth and knowing the answer.

"I don't know. I will come back for you. I promise. But for now, you are needed here."

"But I… NO!" he exclaimed violently.

"No?" She frowned.

"No! I'm not going to let you go alone. I have to be there to protect you."

"Atton, I told you, you don't have to save my life to redeem yourself."

"This has _nothing_ to do with redemption!" he exclaimed passionately. "I… I want to be there… for _you_."

"Atton, you already saved me…"

"But I _didn't_ save you! I put you in danger because I…" _Because I love you!_ "Because I made you vulnerable to Kreia."

"And exactly how could you possibly have done that?"

He dropped his gaze and mumbled, "You know how…"

"Assume I don't."

He looked up defiantly. "You want me to tell you why? Fine. _Because I love you, all right?_" he bellowed. "I made you vulnerable because I love you!" His voice grew louder. "I love you – I love you – I _LOVE_ YOU! And I just can't forgive myself!"

"For loving me?"

"No! For putting you in danger, when I was supposed to _save_ you!"

"Atton…"

"Just forget it, okay? It doesn't matter anyway if you're leaving!" He got up.

"Atton, please…" Her lip quivered and tears welled up in her eyes.

_Oh great. You've made her cry. Bravo. You just keep on getting better, genius. Well, just as well… She has a better chance of survival if she hates you anyway._

"Just forget it," he repeated, walking out the door.

* * *

_Author's Notes_: Yeah, it didn't take me long to post this one, as it's been less than a day since my last upload... :) I figured it would take me longer to edit this chapter because it was siginificantly longer than the other ones... I hope you enjoyed my little Carth cameo at the beginning. ;) Please let me know what you think! Chapter 19 -- the final chapter -- will be up soon! 


	19. All Good Things

**Chapter 19 – All Good Things…**

He left the room in a huff and headed back to his apartment. He walked in, closed the door, and punched the wall out of frustration. A cry of pain escaped his lips.

_Well, that was incredibly stupid. Now I don't feel any better, she's probably still crying, she's still leaving, AND my hand feels like it was trampled by a hoard of banthas._

He rubbed his injured hand in an effort to lessen the pain. _Well, at least it's taking my mind off my headache._ He sat down on a bed, dejected. _Now what do I do? I can't go back and apologize… I'll be putting her in danger if she loves me… won't I? Ouch. I really wish I hadn't use so much force… my hand really hurts. _The door opened. He looked up, expecting Jena, but found himself face-to-face with Mical, whose face was white with… it couldn't have been _fury_!

"Go away, Mical," he said harshly, still massaging his hand.

"No."

Atton turned quickly and faced Mical.

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I mean, no. I'm not going anywhere until I've talked some sense into you, as impossible as that task may be." Mical's face was pale and he looked more determined than Atton had ever seen him.

"We don't have anything to talk about," muttered Atton sullenly.

"Stop being such a schutta," snapped Mical.

Atton gaped. "I'm sorry… did _you_ just call me…?"

"A schutta? Yes, I did," he said, he eyes not wavering. "You are hurting her, and I simply won't allow that."

Getting over his bewilderment, Atton laughed sardonically. "Oh, _that's_ what this is about, is it? You're hoping I'll let her go without a word, and then maybe she'll let _you_ go along with her on her little trip."

"That's where you're wrong. She's going alone. She's made that quite clear. And while I would prefer to accompany her, I have to respect her choice. As should you."

Atton's eyes dropped. "But I love her!" he whispered harshly.

Mical sneered derisively. "And you think _I_ don't? I've loved her from the moment I first laid eyes on her. I'm sure you know how _that_ feels. But she doesn't love me – she loves you. And that makes this decision to leave you behind even more difficult for her. She is heartbroken at the thought of leaving you, but she has to do it. Just as you are heartbroken at the thought of her leaving, but you still have to let her go – and by resisting, you are only succeeding in making this harder on her. Do you honestly think you would be doing her a favor by going along with her? She will face many dangers where she is going. Her very survival will depend on her ability to remain focused. How do you suppose she will be able to achieve that if she has you to worry about?"

"I can take care of myself," mumbled Atton obstinately.

"Not where she's going, you can't. You're not strong enough. Even _you_ must know this – deep down. And she knows it too. There's no way you could survive. Which is why you must do as she asked – remain behind, help out in any way you can here. You will be able to protect her better by letting her go than by going with her."

Atton eyed him suspiciously.

Mical's demeanor changed, and he pleaded, "Atton, believe me, if I thought for one moment that it would be in her best interest to bring someone with her, I would tell you to go." He spoke a little bitterly. "You make her happy – which is something I could never do… as difficult as this may be to admit. But can you imagine what it would do to her if you went along with her to protect her, and managed to get yourself killed in the process? It would destroy her – condemn her. As I've told you before, you are her…" He shut his eyes, took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. "You are her one weakness – and it would be very easy for others to take advantage of that, particularly if you were there with her. You saw how Kreia manipulated her… Others will sense her vulnerability and use it against her. It will be much more difficult for them to sense it if you're not standing by her side. Not to mention the…" He glared. "The _distraction_ you would be offering, keeping her mind off her tasks. By going with her, you would not only endanger your life, but hers as well. For once in your life, stop thinking about yourself and do what's right – for _her_."

Atton hanged his head. He knew Mical was right. In his heart he knew it was the right thing to do.

_Redemption isn't a _goal_ – it's a _path_. It's about doing the right thing at the right moment._

"It's just so _hard_!" mumbled Atton sullenly.

Mical took a few steps forward and put his hand on Atton's shoulder.

"I know," he whispered sympathetically.

Atton looked up at him and sighed heavily.

"All right. You win. I'll let her go. Not because you want me to, but because she asked me to. And because she's right – it's what I _have_ to do."

"And that is all I ask. I will let her know you wish to see her."

"All right," replied Atton, subdued. He watched Mical walk out, got up, and slouched down into a chair near the window. His eyes were looking outside, but nothing he saw registered in his brain. He stared blankly at the speeders that passed by. She was leaving… without him… and he might never see her again… yet he had to let her go. Atton briefly wondered if it had been as difficult for Admiral Onasi to let Revan go. _Probably not. He's probably a lot more reasonable than I'll ever be. Mind you… he didn't look like the type of guy who could always be reasonable._ His heart wrenched. _I wonder if I'm going to end up like him… sitting at a bar, chatting up a total stranger just because he happens to be a Jedi, and so maybe – _maybe_ – has some information on the whereabouts of the woman I love. I wonder if I'll just wake up one morning and she'll be gone, too._ He sighed. _Mind you, it would probably be best if she did that… because I don't know if I could handle watching her leave._

He heard a noise but he didn't turn around and still stared out the window.

"Hey pazaak boy!" said a slightly hesitant, but friendly voice.

Atton turned around quickly and looked at the direction from whence the voice came. Jena was smiling broadly at him. _Did I miss something?_ _Why does she seem so happy? Mical must've told her…_ Upon closer inspection, he noticed that her smiled seemed a little forced… and that her eyes were full of sorrow. He gently smiled back at her, agonizing over the fact that he was responsible for that sorrow. But before he could say or do anything, she turned around, walked back to the door, closed it and locked it. She then faced Atton again and made her way toward him. He got up and met her halfway, eager to apologize and to hold her in his arms, to chase away her sadness. However, before he had the chance to utter a single word, she had silenced him with a kiss. _What the…? Oh… Okay, then. Nothing says we have to talk now… _The kiss had only lasted for a few seconds when he felt a hand plunge into his robe. He started laughing, out of sheer surprise. "Well, aren't we a little…" he began, and stopped. She had pulled her hand out again, and in it was his pazaak deck. He furrowed his brow confusedly and she kissed him again.

"Wanna play pazaak?" she asked playfully. "Nar Shaddaa rules…"

"What?" asked Atton, bewildered. She smiled seductively. "Oh!" _She IS serious!_ "Yeah, okay… if I _have_ to…" he added rolling his eyes in mock displeasure. Then suddenly abandoning his normal demeanor, he impulsively cradled her head between his hands and kissed her deeply, tenderly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely.

She smiled sweetly and kissed the tip of his nose. "Let's play!" she whispered, flashing the cards at him. He smiled, took her by the hand, and led her to one of the beds. They sat down across from each other, face to face.

"You deal," she said, handing him back the cards.

* * *

When Atton awoke, the room was mostly dark, its stillness broken only by the regular breathing beside him. He smiled and cozily wrapped his arm around Jena. Yes, she was still there, next to him in the small bed, facing him. He brushed the hair out of her face, smiling still. Then his smile faded. Was he making things more difficult for her already simply by being there? By… by having held her in his arms as she fell asleep, lying next to him? She seemed to care more for him now than she had before – was he not in fact endangering her more by increasing her vulnerability? _Not too mention I don't know if I'll be able to let her go without a word… without asking her to take me with her again. And I _won't_ do that… for her sake._

Atton closed his eyes and felt his heart twist and turn. _The right thing at the right moment…_ He cringed. _I wonder what time it is… must be morning… I wonder…_

He reached blindly to the floor for his robe … no, that was Jena's. Ah, there it was. He got dressed silently as Jena slept. He stepped over the pazaak cards, which were strewn across the floor, and quietly slipped out of the apartment. T3 stood by, seemingly guarding the door. Atton walked over to him.

"T3, do you know what time it is?

"Deet deet-dweep."

"6? Perfect. I'm not too late." He stopped. _Wait – did I just understand what that little trash compacter said?_ He shook his head. It didn't matter. "T3, I need a favor."

"Dwooo…" answered T3 suspiciously.

"Look, I know I haven't exactly been nice to you, but I need you to record a message for Jena. Can you do that for me?"

"Dee-deet!"

"Good."

The recording process was activated. Atton took a step back and spoke toward T3.

"Hi Jena… I hate sounding so cliché, but when you get this message, I will be gone. As much as I would love to stay with you until the very last moment before you leave, I think it will be easier on you… and on me… if I leave now. I'll come back to Telos after you've gone. I'm truly sorry about this; I wish it didn't have to be this way. Look, I know I gave you a hard time about leaving, and for that, I'm sorry too. I was too… too focused on how devastated I felt over you leaving, to even consider the fact that you might feel the same over leaving me." He paused and took a deep breath. "Anyway, I'm sorry, and you were right about me being needed here. There's a lot that has to be done, and this will be my way of making up for what I've done in the past… even though it doesn't involve saving the damsel in distress." He laughed a little bitterly, but grew serious again. "You do what you need to do. And if at any time you start feeling like you can't cope, just think about me doing my best to save the galaxy here… and… and waiting for you. I'll wait, Jena. I'll wait as long as I have to – you're worth it." He paused. His eyes dropped for an instant, but came right back up. "I love you… promise me you'll be careful. And I'll… I'll see you when you come back." He paused again and repeated chokingly, "I love you." Atton stopped the recording process.

"Dwooo…" said T3 mournfully.

Atton sighed. "Yeah, I know… You take good care of her and bring her back to me in one piece, okay?"

"Dee-deet!" exclaimed T3.

Atton smiled sadly. "Good."

He slowly turned around, and with a heavy heart walked back toward the sleeping Jena. He gathered up his pazaak cards on the way, then stood and just looked at her for a moment, trying to capture her image in his head. He picked up her robe that lay crumpled on the floor, and carefully folded it and set it down beside her, just as she had done for him. He pulled her datapad out of his robe – he had failed to return it to her. He quickly wrote in the brief message, "Talk to T3," and set it down on top of her robe. Her face started looking a little blurry as he gazed at her one last time. He blinked. He bent down over her and kissed her cheek softly. She smiled in her sleep. Fighting the urge to crawl back into bed with her, he started walking away. Then suddenly, as though he forgot something, he quickly walked back, pulled out his pazaak deck and set it down on her robe, next to the datapad. "Don't forget to count your cards," he whispered. He then deliberately turned around and walked out.

Atton's redemption had begun.

* * *

_Author's notes_: Yup, that's it! Now, before I get flooded by reviews from people crying "Why, _why_ did you have him walk away like that?" I will immediately say that the reason I ended the story the way I did is because it was the most plausible, realistic way to do so at this point. Sure, I could've gone for the flimsy, happy Hollywood ending where Atton and Jena fly off into the sunset to fight the Sith together, but that wouldn't really bode well for Atton's survival, I think. :) Anyway, if you're still upset, here's the good news... I am in fact currently working on a sequel to this story. I wasn't originally planning on it. When I wrote the final sentence, I felt I was all Atton-ed out (believe it or not), and I was getting ready to write a fic about Carth. Only I sat down at my computer a few hours later, and drew a complete blank. (sorry, Carth fans) And when I finally started typing, it was about... Atton. Yeah, as it turns out, writing about Atton is like crack. ;) Anyway, I should start posting up the sequel shortly... I just want to write a few more chapters first to make sure it's headed in the right direction. In the meanwhile, feel free to write in reviews or to drop me an email to let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, and maybe even what you'd like to see in the sequel (other than the obvious Jena and Atton back together thing). I may not use all suggestions, as I already have a fairly clear-cut idea of the plot, but I am a little stuck in some areas, so I could use suggestions, even if only to inspire me. Thank you SO much to everyone here and on the Obsidian board who took the time to let me know what they thought! Your feedback really is what kept this story going past chapter 1. 

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